You said it yourself, "commitment." She just wants to see commitment. OP is actually agreeing to the notion of wanting marriage, but obviously OP is not committed to her. He's lying to himself saying that she's the one, but he's just not ready. It's the "I'm just not ready" comment by men that they are committed to. If that's your commitment, then don't lie to yourself, this bbs and especially her by saying "yeah, I could see myself marrying her." Nah, they are still looking for the one. And women have a 6th sense about this looking at women thing, like hotballa said.
Don't settle bro. if you have doubts after two years then don't waste her time and yours.Put a ring on it before someone else puts a di ck in it.
If she is the one, you propose. If you aren't ready to propose, she isn't the one. It's that simple. Her being the one has just as much to do with you as with her. Man up and figure it out. The last she wants to do is waste another 2 years with you and find out she isn't the one for you. That is every women's fear.
Seriously, and please listen to this carefully, the worst thing you could do is listen to all of the "forget her, do what you want bro, she's crazy" comments in this thread. It is absolutely, 1000% reasonable for a 27 year old woman to want to know if you are truly in this for the long haul. Her thought process is that you would propose if you truly knew she was the one... and she's right! You admitted earlier in this thread that you just haven't gotten that internal feeling that she's the one. She has picked up on that. This isn't an ultimatum. This isn't her forcing your hand. This is her truly taking a step back and evaluating the relationship and its future potential. Sitting back and waiting for some magic wand to tap you on the head is the easiest and laziest thing you can do. Act like a 27 year old and figure out your future. What makes you not ready now? Is it financial? The thought of marriage scare you? Marriage is scary as hell. But it's not like it gets any less scary when you realize that you are 40 and single and wish you had someone to go home to. You've already moved in with her. If you still love her after living with her, you've done the tough part.
I got you OP... Go outside, look around, and find the furthest thing out that your eyes can see. Take notice of the distance between you and what you've spotted afar. Whatever it is out there that you spotted, if its something that you want or would like to have... Then go to it, do whatever it takes. If not, then curse me out for wasting your time with this post and move on to something else. Get my drift?
Maybe you're not giving women enough credit, a common theme around here LOL. Just because a woman wants to be married by 30 doesn't (necessarily) mean she wants to be married AT ALL COST. It could also mean she wants to find the right guy and be married by 30. Nothing wrong with having goals and direction in life. That being said, I have no doubt that there ARE women out there who are exactly like you say. I've met a few of them over the years. And avoided them at all cost.
Maybe I am jaded and have my opinion of women all screwed up but you are looking at this like she is wonderfully mature and sane. She could be exactly what you are describing but she could be a ring chaser forcing his hand. We don't know the details of their relationship or how each person is. I would like to think you are correct and OP needs to propose but I have known enough crazy chicks to question their motives.
You absolutely could be right, and I'll admit that I've been very lucky with the women in my life so I very well could be naive. I'm not telling gatsby to get engaged. I'm telling him to sack up, evaluate this relationship, and figure out if she's worth losing. If she's a ring chaser, I'd like to think gatsby would know by now, and he'll be fine without her.
You mentioned that you'll be ready to marry this woman once you've achieved some sort of "inner clarity" Have you experienced that kind of clarity on other big decisions in your life? Or are you a person with an ever-present inner skeptic/worrier? If the former is true, then you need to identify the reason for your lack of clarity. Does it stem from the woman or does it stem from yourself? Ask yourself what YOU need to feel ready and communicate those things to her. If the latter is true, then you're setting yourself up for failure and putting on her the impossible burden of fixing your inner-worrywart. For some of us, we never feel 100% about anything. That's ok so long as it doesn't lead you to doing nothing or worse, expecting others to make us overcome that particular neurosis. It is on you to discern between real reservations and the internal cynic Either way, don't be passive about it if you love this woman already. From what you've shared, I see no evidence that you're trying to identify or understand your own reservations. Your lack of readiness is vague and undefined, and I can assure you that it won't get any better without you directly confronting it.
what gatsby's girl was thinking last night: Spoiler <iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/xMaE6toi4mk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> the indecision's bugging her. If you don't want her set her free.
We just had our 4th 7 months ago. I am 36. I certainly don't think 36 is late to have kid. Even that one can be out of the house by the time I'm in my mid 50's. Sure, it's not my mid-40's, but there are so many people not having their first kid until their late 30's these days. Like the best man at my wedding had his first kid a couple months after our 4th. All that said, its not about the age, really. You know as well as anyone that newborns are so cute and cuddly and stir up memories in you, and memories and crazy as thoughts in your wife.... BUT kids are freaking EXTREMELY hard to raise, particularly in numbers!! Our 4th was an "accident". She's a great baby. I mean, seriously, the calmest baby ever. Barely ever cries. But its still another kid. If your wife will truly regret for the rest of her life not having that 4th, and you will be ok with the 4th, even if there is some trepidation, go for it. Otherwise, if its just something she "might" want, and you're really not sure, and leaning towards no.... well, don't We got lucky in the sense that our 4 are split 2 boys, 2 girls. I call that lucky because I never had a brother growing up and my wife never had a sister. IN our family everyone has brothers and sisters. ----- OP, you are not making any sense, really. She's the one you want to marry, be the mother of your kids, spend the rest of your life with, but you just don't have that "feeling" yet?? Life isn't a Rachel McAdams movie. I suspect your just nervous that your life is moving forward. Get over it. It's probably the things after marriage that are making you nervous. But again, get over it. 27 isn't old... but it isn't young. Women do have clocks... and whether or not the "formality" of marriage is necessary in those clocks... it is part of the society we live in. It's completely normal for a woman to want to be in a 100% committed relationship, sealed with marriage, at an age giving her time to adjust to married life, get finances in order, and then ultimately work towards starting that family. 35 and older is categorized as high risk. But that's 8 years away you say!! Sure, but you're talking a year before you're married, a year or two perhaps before you even think about having kids, and then you never know, you could struggle for a bit trying to get pregnant as many do. Then if you want multiple kids, one of them might be in that high-risk window. I'm not advocating living your life by a clock or schedule like this. I am pointing this out because it actually sounds like you both ARE committed and want to get married. So it is worth thinking about these types of timelines. And while no one wants to get divorced, etc. marriage doesn't HAVE to be forever. Don't go into it with that mindset, but it is at least a fall-back. Basically, make a decision.
For us, waiting just further delays so many other things we want in life. I was 20 when I finished college, my wife was 19 when she got pregnant. We met when our oldest was 5 weeks old, so we always had him. We want to travel without kids, and really haven't had a chance to do that in our lives (we did go to NYC together for a week when she finished her ASN). With 3 kids, especially a baby, we can't even get away for a weekend. I think you want to choose kids early and free living later or vice versa. They both have their advantages. I just don't want to get stuck caring for children across nearly 40 years of my life. We are lucky too. 2 boys, 1 girl. If my boys weren't simultaneously best friends and mortal enemies, I think it would be easier to manage.
Probably biological reasons than anything. there's a limited window to have kids, also a limited window to their physical prime and attractiveness. A guy can dick around and still get married at 37 to a 27 year old and start a family. What's a 37 year old woman gonna do at that age.
Yeah when you are a women having a child in your mid to late thirties is risky. Hypertension, infertility, down syndrome, diabetes. Yeah but let us guys just say they are acting irrationally.
Also this. I'm going to assume this is OP's first relationship bc he's making all of the same wrong assumptions, judgments, etc. us guys go through the first go around.
