What if she wants to keep the ring? Could be a decent loss for some. 27 is young. It's about the time I was engaged. Kids early 30s means I won't be an old dad.
Flat out, you should know if you want to marry a person after 2 years. I'm not saying that you need to be ready to marry her, but you should know if she is someone you want to marry. There's not going to be an epiphany, there isn't going to be billboard sign that you drive-by that tells you that she's marriage material. You either envision your life with her or you don't. You say you love her, but be warned that not everyone you love will make a good spouse. Think about your future. About your future goals. If you can't picture 40 year old gatsby without her, then you have your answer. And, on her part, 27 is a perfectly reasonable age to wonder where this is going. I'd suspect this isn't about the ring itself, but your commitment to the relationship. She's thinking, "Why waste these years with someone who has no intention of getting married if that is something that I ultimately want?" And for the record, the couch isn't where people go who just broke up. They go to their parents or a friend's house. The couch is where people go who just had a fight. So regardless of what was said, you guys aren't "broken up." This is entirely salvageable, should you decide to save it.
I would consider that man a realist. I have seen my share of "perfect" marriages end. Even if you approach marriage as a realist, that does not mean you do not get married. You get married if you love someone and that someone makes your life better, for both parties.
woman who give ultimatums are scary. ultimatums in general don't have any logical rationale behind them, it's decision making based on pure emotion which usually means decision making without any rationale behind. in this specific case, her behavior is indicating that she loves a man-made tradition called marriage more than she actually loves you. basically you << marriage. this is as honest as someone can be so don't waste her honesty. dump her dumb ass so she can marry the wrong person but get her precious "marriage." then she'll be a used divorcee with kids and emotional problems. a woman that you can bang anytime time you want because no self respecting man would want her used up ass. you would be doing her a favor since this marriage path is what she wants and loves the most. in fact your actions would be a true act of love.
I've told her that I loved her, that I want to marry her, that I see her as the mother of my kids, the beautiful life together that I've imagined. I've told her all of it. But yes, there's been an expectation. We both agreed to alter it but that's caused an issue. We live together but I brought the bed into the relationship and she was adamant that she didn't want to sleep on it last night since it was my bed.
I really, really appreciate this advice. I'm not ready to marry her, but I do definitively know that she is who I want to marry. I see her as my future. But she wants me to want to get engaged now, which I'm unsure I can do (hence my other thread a few days ago asking about what spurred it). She's focused on the commitment exactly as you said: "It's been two years; either this is happening or not." She's going to her friend's house for the next few nights. I asked her, "Do you think we still have a shot?" She said, "I'd like that but not sure."
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I think it means, since it's his bed, she didn't feel right making him sleep on the couch last night.
You could be wrong. A 27 year old woman might see her future as thus married by 28 married a few years without children try to get pregnant at 30 first baby by 31 second baby by 34 third baby by 37 third baby off to college by 55 retire by 65 Women have clocks. Men do not.
Dude, just embrace your flakiness. Do you like to gamble? If you do then let her go (she might leave regardless) and see what happens in a year or two. Just be prepared to maybe see her with another man while you kick yourself for the next decade. easy peasy.
She sounds like a ring chaser (not the KD type) and it sounds like its over anyway. Do you really want to be with someone who tries to force your hand into a proposal? I have known girls like that. She will probably be married within 2 years and it doesn't matter who the guy is.
everything you listed are real things except marriage. it's a made up label with tax and insurance benefits that's it. doesn't enhance or restrict true love at all. actually sometimes in can get in the way of the true experience. it takes something wonderful and natural and makes it superficial. it can be used as a crutch, an excuse. it can be a burden, a weight on your shoulders. it can make you continue to make wrong decisions to "save" a marriage. again, it's superficial and ostensible. all that said, i'm not against marriage when BOTH parties desire it like they desire a new home or a new tesla, both also has tax benefits but neither enhance or damage true love.
It actually sounds like you are ready for an engagement. You need to flip the script on her. Does she want you to propose staring at the barrel of a shotgun, or does she want something that she will remember forever and share the story? Is she going to let something special get away? Are you not worth fighting for? Then tell here you want the two of you to get away for a while. That the two of you need a vacation. Propose on the vacation, and have a year long engagement (you should know by now what season she wants to have a wedding in, so be wary if she wants a winter wedding).
Get your **** together man, don't be a p***y. Your world ain't gonna fall apart, pick your dam head up and make something happen marriage or not. I refuse to let a fellow Clutchfan fall into suicide watch. GET UP NOW
I have 3 children, but most people stop at 2. My wife and I wanted to be done at 30. We've always had a child to raise, so we really want to be relatively young when they are gone and we can travel easier (like all our friends are constantly doing). We had our 3rd a week before I turned 30, so that has been successful. Unfortunately (not necessarily unexpected though), my wife now wants another baby. I have a clock. I'm not going to be like my dad, who had a child at 41 (Me and my older brother were already out of the house when my little brother was born). He has 2 grandsons older than his son.
I don't get women choosing the idea of being married over the actual human being they'd happily commit to marry. So weird to me.
