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She's sleeping on the couch...

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by gatsby, Jul 27, 2016.

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  1. gatsby

    gatsby Member

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    After two years of dating, we just broke up — I really, really think sHe may be the one.

    Because I haven't proposed and don't know if/when I'll be ready she wants out. She slept on the couch last night. And it was the worst night of my life. All I want is her. And my world is falling apart.
     
  2. DudeWah

    DudeWah Member

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    Dude if you want her that bad why not just tell her that? If you've already told her and you're still done with each other then just move on.

    Two years is a long time. But it's not that long of a time.

    Either way, being sad isn't gonna help. Do something about it.

    Also, if you've been dating that long and you have feelings this strong why the hell can't you propose? That should be a huge red flag for you on a personal level. It's obviously a huge red flag for her. Just figure out what you want man. If she's the one and you don't wanna propose right now due to financial situation or another respectable reason, explain that to her along with your intention of getting married still.

    But the fact that you don't know isn't a good sign. Seems like you and her want different things and that never works out.
     
    #2 DudeWah, Jul 27, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2016
  3. Two Sandwiches

    Two Sandwiches Contributing Member

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    If you're not ready, you're not ready. She's got to respect that, if she loves you.


    Otherwise, there could be resentment in the marriage, and you're starting out on the wrong foot.
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. hooroo

    hooroo Member

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    how did you feel about her before breaking up? are your feelings stronger now only because she's become something you can't have?

    also you can't make another person love you. if she wants out, she's not the one.
     
  5. gatsby

    gatsby Member

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    It's the worst feeling ever being so close and so far away. She's my person. She's who I love. She's who I look forward to waking each day to.

    She basically gave the: either we're going to get married or this isn't right conversation.
     
  6. gatsby

    gatsby Member

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    And before it was that I love her but haven't been ready to propose.
     
  7. conquistador#11

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    Old sport,
    Like my girl beyonce says, put a ring on it or it be to the left to the left.
     
  8. el gnomo

    el gnomo Member

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    How old are you two? 2 years really isn't that long of a relationship to be giving any kind of marriage ultimatums. If you're not ready, you're not ready. If she can't accept that, she can gtfo. I suggest you download Tinder asap.

    While you're at it, might as well post some couch pics... for Jontro, of course.
     
  9. gatsby

    gatsby Member

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    We're both 27.
     
  10. el gnomo

    el gnomo Member

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    Did she give a reason for the ultimatum, or did she arbitrarily pick 2 years? Is she getting marriage fever bc all her friends are getting married? I'm not married, but I don't know many (if any) of my married friends that were engaged by 2 years.
     
  11. CCorn

    CCorn Member

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    What are your reasons for not being ready if you know she's the one? As mentioned earlier if its financial, let her know. I just recently got engaged (I'm your age) and I did have to wait about 8 months later than my fiancé would have liked because of financial reasons, but I let her know that I didn't want to make that commitment until I could feel more confident about my career when asking her father for her hand.

    If the reason your not ready is because you still want to bag some strange, let her leave she's not the one.
     
  12. Haymitch

    Haymitch Custom Title
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    On the one hand, if she's the one then just f'n propose already.

    On the other hand, if she's giving you this ultimatum then maybe she isn't the one after all.

    You would know better than us.
     
  13. vlaurelio

    vlaurelio Contributing Member

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  14. ThatBoyNick

    ThatBoyNick Member

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    [​IMG]

    Here's a Fitzegerald quote for you Mr.Gatsby



    Think deep down, you know on the inside if yoy feel she's really the one or not. If she is, marry her, if she isn't then don't drag it out.
     
  15. juicystream

    juicystream Contributing Member

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    So, this is your 2nd thread on this topic. Not sure why you couldn't just continue the first one.

    On one hand, you are basically saying you want her more than anything, on the other you are saying you aren't ready to commit to marriage. :confused:

    I wouldn't commit because of the ultimatum. You don't force someone into marriage. If you can't work it out, then you aren't ready for marriage.
     
  16. JeopardE

    JeopardE Contributing Member

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    Stop being a pansy.

    Here's a little secret the world won't tell you: true love is not a feeling. It is a decision you make every day.

    You're afraid that one day you won't feel for her the way you do today. Let me let you in on another secret: that is GUARANTEED to happen. And when it does, you will get up in the morning again and choose to love her regardless of how you feel. That's what marriages that stand the test of time are made of.

    Stop being a pansy. Choose to love, or you never truly loved her at all. You were just indulging yourself in an experience that made you feel good, and that is the most selfish thing of all.
     
    1 person likes this.
  17. ElPigto

    ElPigto Member
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    I waited 7 years before I proposed. Personally, I wanted to make sure I had graduated college, that I had steady finances and that we both saved up to pay for the wedding in cash. I also wanted to make sure we could buy a house before starting our marriage. I always made this clear to her and told her she was always welcomed to find someone else if she really wanted to get married. She waited and we eventually got married.

    Honestly man, if you have good reasons and your girl can respect those reasons then that's great, otherwise I personally do not believe that rushing into marriage is a smart thing to do. If you believe she is the one, I get it, but personally I have always felt there are multiple people out there for one person. I don't believe in any of that sappy love story ****. You just have to do what is best for you sometimes. Marriage is too big of a commitment for you to just jump into it because of situations like yours. I wouldn't do it and I'd stand my ground.
     
  18. daywalker02

    daywalker02 Member

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    Getting engaged still does not mean you are 100% going to get married.

    Still a road ahead. Put a ring on it, man.

    Enough time to prepare.

    Of course if she is really the one.

    I know there is a timing problem but if you are missing out on the one, well there are others.

    You have to weigh your options.
     
  19. daywalker02

    daywalker02 Member

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    The girl has security problems, is religious or got other problems.

    Why else would someone want to press marriage before even turning 30?
    Depending on your living environment - at all?

    There is always a reason.
     
  20. gatsby

    gatsby Member

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    I love her. I truly do. And I've envisioned a life together and her the mother of my kids.

    I've always felt that I would have this inner clarity and desire, and it hasn't come. After 2 years, it still hasn't come.

    This is what I don't know. Still, I don't know...

    No security problems... just I set expectations we'd be engaged by now and I haven't proposed. We live together.
     

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