Dude, I went through the exact same thing this year. I saw the signs but trusted her too much. I NEVER thought my wife, the woman I loved and loved me so much for the last 9 years would do anything like that. Well, that is until she comes to me (morning after the Rockets got ousted by the Jazz none the less) and tells me she's not happy and we should divorce. A week later, I found the infamous emails she printed between the two of them, two months later she admitted everything. This year has been absolutely hell. Dude, I'm telling you from experience. You WANT to beg for her, you WANT to express how much you love her and how much you'll be the perfect man for her. You'll WANT to cry for her, romance her, take her hand and run away with her. IT DOESN'T WORK. She's in her own fantasy world now and there is NOTHING you can do that will "win her back". The only advice I can give you is to be STRONG. Most affairs end within 6-8 months. The brain just can't keep up the emotions and the guilt. It will be your choice to take her back when she comes a crawling. Just don't fall into the trap of believing her bull crap. She's going to make it seem like the marriage was the worst ever, even from the start, that there little to no good times, and that you were a monster of a husband. Its her reasoning the guilt she has inside for what she is doing. The more she makes herself believe you and the marriage were THAT bad, and the more you react to it, the better she makes herself feel and validates what she is doing. You don't have a child, I'd say move on. I know it's hard. BELIEVE ME I know. I was with my wife for the last 9+ years of my life. This will be the first holidays without her in that time. It sucks. I have a 4 yr. old son and it's the worst thing I've ever had to deal with because I'm not in his life every day like I WANT to be. It breaks my heart knowing he's going through this. You don't have that burden. Go find a real woman. I suggest heading over to marriagebuilders.com. They have a GREAT forum just for this and an awesome support group that will help to either help you cope or to help you win back your marriage. Also, if you need someone to talk to, feel free to email me through my profile. God bless and BE STRONG!!!
Some folks are being a bit too disrespectful of the OP's wife, whom he loves. I know there is a desire to make the loss seem less painful, but I don't think degrading her is the way to go here. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your marital troubles. I don't know if I agree with the advice to avoid reconciliation. She's a wife, not a girlfriend. But, I won't offer advice, not really knowing what is going on. Good luck.
I went through something similar (but worse given the circumstances) a few years back. Everyone before me has given good advice. The absolute best thing you can do is act like you've moved on, even if you haven't. Act like you are fine without her, and better off in the long run. Take some time to get to know yourself better. Figure out what YOU really like. Date other women. Hang out with friends. Get in shape. Then before you know it, once you've actually gotten to the point that you've moved on and feel good about things, chances are she will come crawling back. At that point you can decide, on YOUR terms, how things will move forward, or if at all. It took me several weeks of begging her back before I figured all of this out. BTW me and my ex are back together now (and divorced) and happier than ever, but that's a story for a whole other thread. Keep your head up.
Considering no one on this board knows your situation near as well as you do, you have to determine for yourself what is best.
QFT...I couldn't have said it any better myself...Granted, we all make mistakes and sometimes, not all, but sometimes, we want to rectify the situation...Look, she's rationalized her situation and there is nothing you can do about it...We don't want to admit it, but I think it's partly our competitive nature...we don't want to lose...Hell, you didn't even know you were playing for keeps...that's the hard part... Even if it hurts, be the better person and don't let her know how bad you hurt...Keep your head held high and get to know yourself...do things that make you happy...don't worry about women for a while and when you're ready, it'll just happen and you'll be happier...guaranteed...
To be fair, she did have to hang out with me during the separation. I'm fairly sure that had a lot to do with it.
ya man,dont beg for her. she wont respect you. it may suck now,but it will make you stronger and youll be able to take anything. someone will come along in time,maybe a better girl or a worse one,but this will make you survive that easily. just dont put up with crap.
sccdct34, we're here for you, brother. I mean BIG brothers, not little brothers like that douchebag moving in on your significant other. That's BULL that a guy like that knows she's with someone (I hope SHE told him) and still tries some crap like that. They can be friends, but dang, she can't be spending 4 effin' hours of the wee morning with him! What kind of sick monster besides a Utah Jazz player would do that? It seems you're smart enough to seek help. I missed the part where you said if she was your wife or only girlfriend, but it seems like you're doing well enough to break a relationship that is damaging your human spirit. No need to continue seeking answers, because if she lied already about this "working it out" thing, who knows what she will do next time? Hang in there, sir... be glad there weren't kids or a messy cleanup to deal with it after the break up. Let her go. If she wants to come back to you, let her, but be forewarned and forgive if you're willing to accept consequences. I think she may have done that already behind sccdct34's back.
Sounds like you need to learn to respect yourself again. That should be step one. Others won't respect you if you don't respect yourself. Your wife should have...because she was your wife....but she didn't.
Try to bang one of her friends or a sister or something. It may not help, but you can walk away with your head a little higher.
Shakin' like the Devil when she lets me go Got a new place, and how it's so much better Falling over myself, the televisions' on, I turn it off and smile Oh, Jennifer, you know I always tried Before you say goodbye Leave the bourbon on the shelf And I'll drink it by myself And I love you endlessly, Darling don't you see I'm not satisfied Until I hold you tight Give me one more chance tonight And I swear I'll make it right But you ain't got time for this And that wreckin' bell is ringin' And I'm not satisfied Until I hold you Jennifer, tell me where I stand And who's that boy holdin' your hand? Oh, Jennifer, you know I always tried Before you say goodbye Leave the bourbon on the shelf And I'll drink it by myself And I never liked your hair or those people that you lie with But I'm not satisfied Until I hold you tight And I love you endlessly, Darling don't you see I can't be satisfied Until I hold you tight Leave the bourbon on the shelf And I'll drink it by myself And I love you endlessly, Darling don't you see I'm not satisfied
this happened to me also with an ex-gf a long while ago. man, it hurted like hell, mostly cuz i had different expectations from her. i guess, most guys expect girls to be loyal and then are shocked when they found out girls have the same feelings also. what mogrod said is very informative. might i add to that. get revenge... not the "o.j. simpson" kind, but the "live better kind". let it be your driving force to better yourself so she'll regret what she's lost. need to lose weight, quit drinking, get a better job? do it, and think of her every time you lose track. and remember, you're too good to take her back after what's she's done to you.
