[S.O.S] Do you hold a grudge towards your Ex?(pics included)

I use to hold grudges, but I guess by getting older, I just find that its not worth it...I mean, she was just a B*tch and didn't want to deal with it...That shows what kind of person she was, but IMHO, life is too short to worry about her...What comes around goes around...

 

I don't hold grudges against any of my ex's, and never really did. (although I fear one of them .... long story.)

A couple of the relationships became sexationships after we broke up! That was neat.

I'd say all the "forgive them, holding a grudge is a waste of energy" stuff, but I've never felt the need to forgive anyone for anything. Sometimes things just don't work. It wasn't something I had to force myself to get over ... I just did after (sex with other girls) awhile.

 

I don't really hold a grudge anymore because I think she is a complete moron and I know I'm WAYYYYY better off where I am now.

Perfect example is what just happened within the last 2 hours. I get my kids EVERY Thursday. The only Thursday that I have missed in the entire 2.5 years is when we went on our honeymoon and I scheduled that with her months in advance. I go to pick them up from her house and arrive at 5:30. No one is home. No one answers the phone. She doesn't answer her cell phone. My son's cell phone is turned off. I call her work and house again. I call her cell phone again and leave a message asking WTF? I call back 5 minutes later and say if I don't get a call in 5 more minutes we're going home. I'm not sitting in her driveway for God knows how long waiting on her. So 10 minutes later we leave and I leave a message on her cell phone again saying that we're going home and if she wants to drop them off, she knows where we live.

5 minutes down the road she calls and says she had to go to the bank and to turn around. Eh, no. I'm not playing the waiting game because you are too lazy to leave a note, make a call, or answer your phone. This has happened several times before as well. It is just straight up INCONSIDERATE! When you wait at someone's house for 20 minutes and not know anything it seems like hours.

Of course I get the usual guilt trip of being a terrible father. It doesn't even piss me off anymore. Annie and I were talking about it when we got home. At first it hurt my feelings, then after a while it pissed me off, then later it became funny, and now its just pathetic. I wouldn't wish her on anyone. She is misery in a human form.

 

Wow. Remind never to get engaged.

Never really ever had a bitter breakup, someone cheat on me/cheated on someone, etc. There's one who've I've had problems with off and on but that stems from me having wrapped up way too much of my self esteem in how she felt about me. I will say I stopped making the mistake of trying to stay friends after things end and life has been a helluva lot easier.

Has anyone read the book Knots by R.D. Laing? Its a pretty interesting take on pathos in relationships.

 

My ex from middle school is still obsessed with me. His best friend is practically my brother, so we still have occasional encounters. It's kinda creepy. (That was over 4 years ago.) We were together for about a year all together. He hasn't dated anyone for longer than a month since. From what I know, half the time he abhors me, the other half he can't get over me.

I don't believe in grudges. BIG waste of time and emotion. I'm sorry you're in pain though. Not to sound cliché, but everything happens for a reason. Her excuse for leaving you was just that- an excuse. She should have been mature enough to tell you how she really felt.

Besides, if she couldn't stick by you at your worst, she doesn't deserve you at your best.

 

You never feel pain over someone. The pain is just someone exposing the inadaquacies you feel in yourself. Fix the holes in your heart, and you will fix the pain.

 

Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I know...

 

Gonna have to disagree with you there. That is the case sometimes, but the pain for me was largely the pain of losing someone who had basically become my best friend, above all else. I'm extremely happy with who I am, and she is not, and she readily admits that herself. Any pain I still feel is the pain of knowing there was no one in the world I liked to just hang out with better. Nobody. It took me a long time to find someone like that. That pain has nothing to do with feeling inadequate. It's like my best friend died... she doesn't want to be friends because she claims she totally can't get over what happened (which is odd, because SHE cheated on ME, but whatever). And even weirder is that she was fine with being friends BEFORE I took the high road and told her I forgave her, which I do. I think she just hates seeing me now because I'm a living reminder of how selfish she's capable of being.

 

I am not going to pretend to know your situation by reading a couple post. I believe that we are all born then over time develop wounds in our soul for various reasons. Some of us cover it up with time, some of us cover it up with money, some of us cover it up with GOD, and some of us cover it up with people. I think the first thing you need to do is take part of the blame in your relationship not working. We already know that there is something wrong in your judgment of character by trusting someone you shouldn't have. What emotions did she fill that you don't have anymore now that she is gone?

On a side note, how do you rank the people in your life? Shouldn't it be family first, then friends? If it is not that, then why is it not in that order? Maybe you should start sharing the stuff that you shared with your so-called best friend with people that have and will always be there. Maybe you don't have those types of people in your life? I am asking questions because I don't know the answer to your pain; all I know is that pain is your body telling you there is something wrong. It will take time and soul searching (again, time alone will just cover it up) to figure out why.

Good luck in finding the answer to your questions in life.

 

It's really not quite as complicated with her as you make it sound. First of all, I know damn well I made one massive error in judgment: she was always kinda selfish, because she came from a broken home and parents that basically didn't love her. The relationship was never equal: I was always putting more effort into than she was (she was actually quicker to say that than I was). She leaned on me for support too much, because she never learned to stand on her own two feet and be happy by herself. I had to MAKE her happy. And as soon as I ran into a rough patch in my life and things weren't all roses, she ditched for someone many years younger who won't have to bear the burdens I'm bearing for a very long time. She was just really needy. I was kidding myself to believe I could keep that up forever.
That said, THIS is what I miss: that she was nerdy enough to love watching Star Trek as much as me, that she loved to read as much as me, that she loved video games as much as me, that she loved to go on walks for no particular reason, that she had the same political views, religious views, and a truly oddball sense of humor that I've never found in anyone else. And she could cook, too! I can't cook worth anything!

My mom is uber-conservative, and my dad is basically bipolar and really b****y about everything. My one sibling (a twin brother) is socially mal-adjusted to a ridiculous extent. Don't know how that happened. He's sitting at home right now, and he hasn't left the house except to go to the store in 3 weeks. Hasn't had any contact with friends at all, and doesn't seem to mind. He dated one person his whole life, and that was for about a month. Going to him for worldly advice would be like asking a 3rd-grader what it feels like to go through childbirth. And on top of all that, my family are all thousands of miles away. I won't be seeing them except for Christmas. Talking to people over the phone just ain't the same as talking in person.
I like my family. I do. But none of them are people I can tell anything to and get a response that's actually meaningful to me.

 

I read it, you're still whining..... Man up.

 

I'm not a momma's boy that whines over a woman. I'm married with 2 kids as well. I had a chick dump me when I was single big deal move on. The guy beat cancer, props for that.

 

oooo you're really macho. wow.

 

I don't have an Ex. We're been together so long that the Ex's (my ex-GF's, and her ex-BF's) are ancient history. Neither one of us married anyone else before we met, and we got married 4 years after that. I did have a very heavy relationship in the Netherlands a few years before, and I still think of that, from time to time, but we parted lovers, so there was no animosity. I just ran out of money. After 6 months, I had to return to the States and hope I could come back. A scene right out of a film when I left. I kissed her on the platform, for a very long time, and then hopped on the train just before the doors closed. I never did make it back. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would have been like had things worked out that way. God, she was beautiful inside and out. 19 years old. Same age as my wife when I met her. I'm lucky that she fit the same description. Pure chance.

Someone could start a thread on chance meetings, and their consequences. I've had several. I'm sure I could bore everyone with one or two. Fatty remembers one of them, when I first met my sweetie. He remembers the owl, anyway.

 

You've gotta move on at some point in your life. Maybe now is the time. The blessing in disguise is you have been recovering well from your illness, at least physically. The mental/emotional recovery shall soon follow.

 

not sure if this is really the same thing since she was only a first date, not an ex, and its not really a grudge, but just disgust.

last month or so my friend and i met a couple of flight attendants. a week later, one of them texted me, and i called her back and somehow we arranged for dinner for all 4 of us.
so i made reservations and texted them to meet at the restaurant. then her friend texted me back thanking me 'for dinner'. now this was a few hours before the dinner, so i figure shes hinting expecting us to pick the bill. now me n my friend were planning on paying in the first place, but the way she slyly hinted to us to pay, just absolutely threw my mood off. so i texted her back 'making reservations is the least we can do since youre paying'. and she replies 'haha ur so funny, what a wish'.

long story short, we met at the dinner, i made a crack about them picking up the tab, dinner was awful, they rattled on about zodiac signs and their meanings, i feigned interest all night, they paid for half, we ended the night with a handshake. her friend texted me the day after thanking us for hanging out with them and to ask them out again. im thinking of asking her friend out again but to tell her not to bring her friend, the hinter, just to piss her off.

its not the money, but she made me feel like the only reason shed hang out with me is because im spending money and not to get to know me

 

I know the feeling...

Is that really moving on?

I have a feeling it's going to be like this for me as well...

Except... I hold no grudge.. I've tried to... Thought maybe being angry at her would help me forget her.. but the anger never did last... and it didn't work..

 

The charmed life you appear to've led... reminds me of the unbelievable luck my current girlfriend has had throughout her love life(me included, undecided whether that's good or bad..) and just life in general... and it just.... bugs the hell out of me..

 

So why did she say she dumped you? What's happened to her now? 15 years is a long long time... do you love your wife, or is she second choice, or both? I am still relatively young so do not have the same experiences as others, but it's hard (not to believe, just a painful reality) thinking that one can be married yet hurting over someone from so long ago.