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Resume Feedback

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by risemeyer, Mar 23, 2013.

  1. risemeyer

    risemeyer Member

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    Hey Guys, im applying for a few jobs at United Airlines (already an employee/intern) but im going for a revenue management analyst/strategic planning role. I have put my resume out for feedback but i figure that the more people see the resume and give me feedback the more i can polish it. Let me know if you see anything that has to be changed. (I have the format corrected in terms of font,margins etc)


    Education
    Bachelor of Science in Aeronautical Management Expected Graduation Date: May 2013
    Arizona State University-Polytechnic Campus (Mesa, Arizona) Grade Point Average: 3.43/4.00
    Skills and Recognition
    Lean Six Sigma Green Belt Certification: Arizona State University Expected Certificate Completion: May 2013
    Private Pilot Certificate: Piper Warrior, Cessna 152, Cessna 172
    Certified Multi-lingual: Spanish, German, Gaelic and Portuguese
    Top Sales Associate, Directron: November - December 2008, January 2009
    Pledge Class President-Elect, Alpha Eta Rho-Alpha Sigma August 2009 – November 2009

    Significant Courses and Project Work
    Lean Six Sigma: Green Belt Certification (Arizona State University)
    • Gathered/analyzed valuable data for Starbucks Aviation, created new processes that will save the department over $175,000
    • Data was used to create a fuel tankering process, create new corporate fuel contracts, and new flying procedures
    Capstone Project: Job Safety/Hazard Analyses Program (Southwest Airlines)
    • Analyzed data supplied from Southwest Airlines safety department regarding job injuries, hazard identification.
    • Created Hazard Analyses Program for Airport and Flight Operations. Program will be implemented Oct,2013
    Project Manager: Airline Networking Administration Simulation (Arizona State University)
    • Responsible for the creation of new routes, opening of new terminals and purchasing of new aircraft.
    • Analyzed critical data such as ASM, RPM, CASM, RASM, Route Profitability, O&D Traffic and maintenance.
    • Managed and overlooked 3 departments and 45 partners while making executive decisions during the simulation.

    Aviation Experience
    Airport Operations Quality Assurance Intern, United Airlines (Chicago, Illinois) May 2012-August 2012
    • Created and established relationships with gate agents at hubs and outstations during auditing process.
    • Secured valuable data from gate operations such as boarding announcements, ADA announcements, boarding times and turnaround times. Analyzed this data to compare and contrast operations at several outstations served by the airline.
    • Monitored airport operations via boarding protocols set by United Airlines “post-merger”. Observed and noted that these new protocols were being used companywide throughout various outstations in the continental United States.
    Ramp Agent, Mesa Air Group (Phoenix, Arizona) March 2010-September 2010
    • Executed safety procedures and security standards throughout the ramp at all times
    • Marshaled aircraft to the gate, loading, unloading and sorting freight and baggage.
    • Observed customer safety during boarding and deplaning as well as assisted customers in a friendly and courteous manner.
    Work Experience
    Live Entertainment Director-Arizona State University (Mesa, Arizona) May 2011-Present
    • Maintained a healthy relationship with talent managers of high profile singers, instrumentalists, and music bands of rock, pop and jazz music, depending on the preferred genre specialization
    • Promoted the financial sponsorship of concert tours to individuals and companies who can take marketing advantage of their presence at the event
    • Secured clearance or permits from government regulatory agencies or owners of venues where a large public attendance is expected
    Barista-Starbucks (Gilbert, Arizona) June 2010-Present
    • Developed enthusiastically satisfied customers by discovering the customer needs.
    • Maintained Quality store operations by following store policies and procedures. Performed cleaning tasks in accordance to duty rosters and presented oneself professionally by using “Star Skills” with all customers and fellow co-workers
    • Performed cleaning tasks in accordance to duty rosters and presented oneself professionally by using “Star Skills” with all customers and fellow co-workers.
    Sales Associate-Directron (Houston, Texas) March 2007-May 2009
    • Supplied customers with knowledge on individual computer parts as well as support towards large computer builds, software issues and contributed to store goals for increase in sales and improving store profits.
    Clubs and Organizations
    Member, Business Professionals of America August 2007-Present
    Member, American Association of Airport Executives August 2009-Present
    President and Social Chair, Alpha Eta Rho-Alpha Sigma April 2010- April 2011
     
  2. bobrek

    bobrek Politics belong in the D & D

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    Who stopped the feedback?
     
  3. Dairy Ashford

    Dairy Ashford Member

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    Create a Summary paragraph at the top before any other sections.

    The parentheses are god-awful distracting. New line either above or below with that particular information. Drop "Expected" from any future dates, employers know that college job applicants haven't graduated yet, and your certifications appear to be part-and-parcel so you don't need "Expected" for those either.

    Education
    Arizona State University-Polytechnic
    Mesa, Arizona
    BS, Aeronautical Management - Spring 2013
    GPA: 3.43

    "Pledge class President" goes out of "Skills and Recognition" and in the very bottom with "Clubs and Orgs," which itself could be changed to "Associations" or whatever is typically used on Linkedin.

    "Significant Courses and Project Work" should be changed to "Academic and Consulting Projects." The first line each any entry should be the organization, then the academic program, then the project title. Should also be dated in some way. Also, summarize your bullet points for each project, naming the company and describing what department, operational function and metric you're actually consulting on.

    Ditch the "Aviation" header, that and Work Experience should all go under the same "Experience" section and all experiences should be commingled and re-sorted sequentially.

    "Certifications" instead of "Skills and Recognition." Transfer the "Top Sales Associate" to the Experience entry for that particular job; you really also need to quantify those sales figures as best as you can (but keep it in there even if you can't).

    Add a "Software Skills" section with any industry or career-specific software.

    Go ahead create a separate "Languages" section after your "Certifications" to draw specific attention to it, and drop the "Certified Mutli-lingual" from the entry. Put the "Languages" section at the bottom; though, because it's not relevant enough to rest of your experience.

    The BBS format may be to blame for this, but the resume is a bit tiresome verbally and aesthetically. Probably want to get rid of any menial or blue-collar tasks on your work experiences just to streamline each experience and convey a consistent skill-set and experiential theme.

    And the "Experience" section, try to add a non-bullet summary statement for each job, small enough to be a legible run-on sentence. Then add 3 or 4 indented bullet points in order of relevance to the job summary to highlight specific projects and accomplishments.

    Also, consider switching to asterisks and hyphens instead of bullet points. I think it's a little classier to use traditional punctuation symbols as the bullet points make it look too much like a template.
     
  4. risemeyer

    risemeyer Member

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    pouhe, can i send you an email with my .doc file for you to revise if possible?
     
  5. Dairy Ashford

    Dairy Ashford Member

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    Genuinely flattering request; but would fell a little unqualified to take that kind of responsibility for your professional presentation. Also not well-versed enough in your industry or academic field to know what would be both an accurate and genuinely beneficial depiction of your career profile.
     
  6. Codman

    Codman Contributing Member

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    RiseMeyer? You live in Phoenix?! I thought I was the only Rockets fan out here!


    I used to be a copy editor in Denver, and as much as I'd like to help you out, I don't think I understand some of the terminology.

    Some things that I immediately noticed were inconsistent tenses and a few misplaces commas. That's not a deal breaker, though.

    I'd be down to take a look at it from a teacher's perspective if you would like.
     
  7. pippendagimp

    pippendagimp Member

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    isn't there a poster here who professionaly revises resumes for a living?
     
  8. dandorotik

    dandorotik Contributing Member

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    First, I had to space this out- it was unreadable as it was. Second, if you add periods at the end of some bulleted statements, include them at the end of all. Third, as the other poster mentioned you should have a brief

    CAREER PROFILE

    With a few sentences summarizing your background.

    Fourth, Skills and Recognition should be split up into 2 separate categories: Certifications/Licenses and Honors/Recognition
    Fifth, you had an Oct for October, yet you spelled out the months in all other areas. Consistency.
    Sixth, you had a few run-on sentences- nothing major, just minor stuff. You also had a few verb tense issues- fixed those.
    Seventh, companywide is always hyphenated to read company-wide.

    Your content is great- you've got a solid educational background, certifications, etc. Very good stuff.

    Overall, it should look something like this:

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    EDUCATION

    Bachelor of Science in Aeronautical Management
    Arizona State University-Polytechnic Campus (Mesa, Arizona)
    Expected Graduation Date: May 2013
    Grade Point Average: 3.43/4.00

    Significant Courses and Project Work:

    Lean Six Sigma: Green Belt Certification (Arizona State University)
    ★ Gathered/analyzed valuable data for Starbucks Aviation, creating new processes that will save the department ✦ over $175,000 ✦; data was used to create a fuel tankering process, develop new corporate fuel contracts, and implement new flying procedures.

    Capstone Project: Job Safety/Hazard Analyses Program (Southwest Airlines)
    ★ Analyzed data supplied from Southwest Airlines safety department regarding job injuries and hazard identification. Created Hazard Analyses Program for Airport and Flight Operations, with program slated for implementation in October 2013.

    Project Manager: Airline Networking Administration Simulation (Arizona State University)
    ★ Created new routes, opened new terminals, and purchased new aircraft. Analyzed critical data such as ASM, RPM, CASM, RASM, Route Profitability, O&D Traffic and maintenance. Managed 3 departments and 45 partners while making executive decisions during the simulation.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    CERTIFICATIONS/LICENSES

    ★ Lean Six Sigma Green Belt Certification: Arizona State University; Expected Completion: May 2013
    ★ Private Pilot Certificate: Piper Warrior, Cessna 152, Cessna 172
    ★ Certified Multilingual: Spanish, German, Gaelic and Portuguese

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    AWARDS/RECOGNITION

    ★ Top Sales Associate, Directron, November 2008, December 2008, January 2009
    ★ Pledge Class President-Elect, Alpha Eta Rho-Alpha Sigma, August 2009 – November 2009

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    AVIATION EXPERIENCE

    Airport Operations Quality Assurance Intern, United Airlines (Chicago, Illinois), May 2012-August 2012

    ★ Created and established relationships with gate agents at hubs and outstations during auditing process.
    ★ Secured valuable data from gate operations such as boarding announcements, ADA announcements, boarding times and turnaround times. Analyzed data to compare and contrast operations at several outstations served by the airline.
    ★ Monitored airport operations via boarding protocols set by United Airlines “post-merger." Observed and noted that these new protocols were being used company-wide throughout various outstations in the continental United States.


    Ramp Agent, Mesa Air Group (Phoenix, Arizona), March 2010-September 2010

    ★ Executed safety procedures and security standards throughout the ramp at all times.
    ★ Marshaled aircraft to the gate, loading/unloading and sorting both freight and baggage.
    ★ Observed customer safety during boarding and deplaning; assisted customers in a friendly and courteous manner.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    ADDITIONAL WORK EXPERIENCE

    Live Entertainment Director-Arizona State University (Mesa, Arizona), May 2011-Present

    ★ Maintained a healthy relationship with talent managers of high profile singers, instrumentalists, and music bands of rock, pop and jazz music, depending on the preferred genre or specialization.
    ★ Promoted the financial sponsorship of concert tours to individuals and companies who can take marketing advantage of their presence at the event.
    ★ Secured clearance or permits from government regulatory agencies or owners of venues where a large public attendance is expected.


    Barista-Starbucks (Gilbert, Arizona), June 2010-Present

    ★ Created enthusiastically satisfied customers by discovering and fulfilling the customers' needs.
    ★ Maintained quality store operations by following store policies and procedures.
    ★ Performed cleaning tasks in accordance to duty rosters and maintained highly professional appearance, using the company's “Star Skills” processes with all customers and fellow co-workers.


    Sales Associate-Directron (Houston, Texas), March 2007-May 2009

    ★ Supplied customers with knowledge on individual computer parts as well as support towards large computer builds and software issues.
    ★ Contributed to store goals for increase in sales and improvement in store profits.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    CLUBS & ORGANIZATIONS

    ★ Member, Business Professionals of America, August 2007-Present
    ★ Member, American Association of Airport Executives, August 2009-Present
    ★ President and Social Chair, Alpha Eta Rho-Alpha Sigma, April 2010-April 2011[/QUOTE]
     
    #8 dandorotik, Mar 23, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2013
  9. dandorotik

    dandorotik Contributing Member

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    I know you mentioned the format and margins were fine, so that's OK. For this version above, this is the one you want to copy-and-paste if you're ever asked to do so in online formats- and that includes LinkedIn. The "star" bullets that I used are compatible with web pages, so you can use those on your LinkedIn. Even though online resumes (.txt formats) are plain-Jane looking, you can still make them look a bit better, like this version above.
     
  10. Jontro

    Jontro Member

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    I know at UH a few deans or whatnot were willing to edit your resume for you if you asked.

    Also where is the section for hobbies?
     
  11. dandorotik

    dandorotik Contributing Member

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    1. Hobbies is not really necessary- but, you know, if the hobbies are relevant to the job search, there's no harm in including them. It's just not an essential section like the others.

    2. People in academia tend to give not-so-good advice about resumes. Better to consult a book like Gallery of Best Resumes or Resumes That Knock Em Dead.
     
  12. risemeyer

    risemeyer Member

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    Codman, your email?
     
  13. risemeyer

    risemeyer Member

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    may i also send you an email with my resume for you to send back with any recommendations. ( i have the .doc file which is totally different from what i put into this BBS)
     
  14. risemeyer

    risemeyer Member

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  15. dandorotik

    dandorotik Contributing Member

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  16. teknokid

    teknokid Member

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    Do not create summary on the top. This is pointless as it contains no real fact, just some BS you will be creating.
    Put education at the bottom and put Aviation experience at the top. Aviation experience seems to be the most relevant information that you have on the resume.
     
  17. risemeyer

    risemeyer Member

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  18. LCAhmed

    LCAhmed Contributing Member

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    Necrobump! added you on linkedin and was hoping to send you my resume when I complete it later today if you'd be willing to help!
     
  19. FTW Rockets FTW

    FTW Rockets FTW Contributing Member

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    dan

    Is your man when it comes to resume writing.
     
  20. LCAhmed

    LCAhmed Contributing Member

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    Just sent dan an email. Am hoping I am not asking too much, and hope he reads this! If anyone else can help it'd be greatly appreciated!
     

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