keep your distants and have fun then. just dont get attached. worse things to lie about than actually still being married?
well, I'm going to say you don't have to break it off. She's divorced without the papers. While it might have been better had she told you from the beginning, she probably liked you a lot and was worried you'd run rather than get involved with a person still married. If she was being honest about her situation, then it probably means a lot that she believed you guys were strong enough to be honest at this point.
rrj_gamz, You need to really do some soul-searching, IMO to figure out what you want to do. Personally, I couldn't date someone if I knew they were still legally married, no matter how long they have been separated. If this woman really loves you and wants a future with you, then I think she will go ahead and get the divorce. But it seems like too much drama here - I would move on to someone else who doesn't have the drama.
I'm with Manny on this- deep down inside, either she or her husband doesn't want to let go. Give her an ultimatum. It's for her own good anyway.
I agree with all of this. If things are going really well right now, I would have a discussion with her about the entire deal. When I met my girlfriend, I didn't know she was still married. I found out almost immediately, but only because we were in the same boat. She filed today and my ex will be filing next week. I wouldn't let this get in the way of something special if that's how you thought it was (and based off some of your recent posts, it is).
I think she didn't tell you at first because she was scared you would run off and when she saw that you guys are getting closer, she told you the truth. At least, she told you before you found out on your own. It's still a lie. Worst case scenario, she's "semi-living" with her "ex-husband" If you remember my thread on exclusive relationships, you never know how people can go great lengths to lie.
I know you'll be shocked to see me agree with RM95, but I agree with RM95. In talking this through, I would point out to her that it's best for the relationship going forward if you're honest about everything to begin with. Don't do it in a condescending way...and realize it means full honesty from you as well. GOOD LUCK!!!
Both? I appreciate all the advice and honestly, before this, I was going down the path of getting comfortable with the idea of being married again...I never thought I'd say that as I've been living the bachelor's life for a while now but its great to be with someone... I know no one is perfect, but as of now, I think I'll have a talk with her as you guys have suggested and just keep my emotions in check so I don't get hurt...
Hmm, lying after stressing honesty, a mavs fan, and possibly money problems... My opinion would be to live the bachelor's life and have fun with likeminded girlfriends. Bury thoughts of another marriage rather than burying potential red flags.
I'm with RM95 and Max. Maybe she did the wrong thing for the right reason. Time will tell. Just hold onto that "Get out of jail free card". It may come in handy someday!
I agree with RM95, Max and the others. Just keep your guard up a bit to make sure this isn't a habit (dishonesty). You seem like a good guy (we met at the Rockets uptown meetup loss last season) and she seems to be divorced, just not technically, and if she makes you happy this totally seems forgivable.
Sounds good, I'd definitely try and keep check on my emotions until more time to strengthen the trust has elapsed.
Bingo. From this point forward, EVERYTHING she tells you has to be questioned. If she can lie about something like being married, then she can lie about absolutely anything. Think about this: if you read a post from a woman saying that the man she found on an online dating service lied about still being married, would there be any question that the man was a dirty sneak? Wouldn't you think she should stay as far away from that situation as possible? Is this really any different?
You're a fool if you stick around for something serious. There is little benefit for her to lie. If you really think there is something there, then she should at least let you get the soon to be ex's side of the story. You're being used as a security blanket, IMO. If its taken you this long to find out, my bet is that you don't know her all that well.
I give up on a few of you, and I'm sure y'all know who you are. Expect a lot of "I told you so's" in the near future when any of you come back in here wondering how it all went so badly...
update: (I didn't want to be like almu)... j/k We talked last night and she reiterated the same thing as people have said here...She was scared as she hasn't been in a meaningful relationship since the "divorce" and didn't want me to run away...funny, that's probably what I should do but I'll hold out at least for the time being...I mean, at least for now, I'll always question her and that isn't what a relationship should be about... I'll definitely be arms length as I do agree with most of you, but on both sides...meaning, I won't get my feelings "involved" as once a liar, always a liar...However, I do believe people deserve a second chance, but as I told her last night, things won't be "back to normal" and it'll take some time for trust to be re-established... btw, thanks for all the advice...some of this just makes me laugh... Plus I don't want a bunch of I told you so's...
well if you ever do want to get out quick, send her a text message that youve discovered that youre hiv positive.
