Hey Isabel, I didn't read this whole thread cause it's pretty darn long and I don't have the time right now. I did however read your first post, and if what I'm saying doesn't really apply right now just disregard it. Real quick, there are obviously 2 choices. Stay or Go. If you leave, you are totally justified in doing so. You have your own life to live, and you shouldn't settle for anything less than what makes you happy. If Ferdinand really loved you (in the right way), then he wouldn't want you to be unhappy by staying with him. He would want you to leave him and find happiness elsewhere. But few people are this selfless, so you shouldn't be afraid to take the assertive steps out of your relationship. I'm certain you gave him plenty of second chances to shape up essentially. If you stay, there's gonna be a lot of work that needs to be done. My advice to you in this situation is to empower your "Man". As you said in your first post, he's basically the "Kid" of the household, so you've got to change that somehow someway. By empowering him, you make him feel more masculine, more confidant. I don't know why, but we guys are wired this way. But the big problem is "how to empower" him. In a way, I think you might have to just blindly have faith in him and praise him in such a way that makes him feel "manly". Make him feel that he can take care of anything, that he can do anything. Personally, I don't think this is your job or your responsibility neccessarily, but that's just my advice on what you may want to try if you stay. And one last thing. Advice can be a dangerous thing. Make sure you take all the advice and help doled out here carefully (including mine of course), and think things through. You're one smart lady, but I know that emotions and stuff can make all of us idiots. But sometimes, we just got to think logically instead of emotionally (especially when guilt is involved). Good Luck!
Isabel, Thanks for the response. As I (along with others) said earlier, you know what to do - it is up to you to make it happen. No matter how hard you think it is! It could very well turn out to be the easiest thing you have ever done. We have a tendency to build things up in our mind. When those events are actually played out, they turn out more often than not to be a let-down to what we thought they would be - if that makes any sense. Oh and for my vacation - I really wished I was the type of person who could travel by themselves but I am not. Yet this vacation has served me well as it has taken my mind off my job (which was sorely needed).
It is. She made a veiled reference to it during the season..and it wasnt even *that* veiled. I know I have it figured out...
Hell, from her previous posts, I assumed she lived in Tennessee for a while, and now she's in Austin, not the other way around.
OK, people, quit trying to figure out where I am... or at least keep your speculations to yourselves. I share a lot with you already... more than I should... but it helps to have the support. I do try to represent Ferdinand's POV here... I want to be fair... I'm only here for his sake as it is right now... as he seems so upset... but maybe the new counselor (these things take time to get started on and set up) will help him face things. I just wonder what it is that he has to offer me; why I should be here (other than "I made a mistake and was already here"). He keeps saying that he offers loyalty and will never leave me... but is that all you're supposed to offer someone special??? Is that alone supposed to be enough? Am I supposed to feel lucky to have even that?? And I wish I could take a vacation. By myself would be fine. Even if I didn't know where I was headed. If I had the time and money... even just the time right now... I would.
Isn't the college out there Sheiner College (sp?)? I was in Kerrville about 4 months ago for a prosecutor's seminar and for the life of me I can't remember the name of that college out there.
unfortunately, i think those stats don't take into account the couple's ethnicity. arranged marriages are usually done by races that consists of misogyny. divorce is most definitely taboo whereas in america, it "just didn't work out". a woman wanting a divorce in an arranged marriage is more likely to get beaten by her husband. it's not until they come to america, that the women realize they have certain rights and to an extent, protection from such abuse and then are willing to file for divorce.
Im a complete pro-marriage person, but I also understand the reality. As a Christian, its hard to weigh in on your situation. While in one hand, he hasn't done anything to deserve a divorcement. But on the other, he his holding you down in becoming the person that you need to become and/or want to become. Speaking from experience, I was a Ferdinand... and part of a reason why I do not pursue serious relationships right now, I know I can not provide what she needs. There have been a couple women in my life who've i cared for very much, would have loved to settled down with them. Looking in the past, im glad I didn't, as I know it would have resulted in divorce. I would have never gotten to the point where I am now if I married. Im glad my past relationships ended, even though I begged for them to stay. I would have been complacent (not happy) but she would be miserable. It seems like neither of you two are really happy. I would suggest seperating for a period of time and then trying marriage counseling, so that way he will know you are serious. If it doesn't work, go ahead and proceed. If it does lead to divorcement, maybe he will get his life back on track, and then you two can always get back together.
Isabel - work to live...rather than living to work. i sincerely wish you the best in this situation. you have proven yourself to be a very interesting person (in the good way). i don't have much more to say advice wise - but honestly, a loyal man is a good thing, and you should be thankful - no, it might not suit all your needs and you may end up leaving him anyways, but you should always be VERY thankful to him for being loyal, because many out there wish they had that type of a partner.
