[Relationships] How can you tell if a guy is interested...

OK this is getting way too much for a freakin basketball BBS!

No offense Isabel but I think you're desperate also.

You're desperate for some guy to be emotionally supportive to you aside from any sexual connection and for whatever reason you just can't find a guy like that.

 

Your looking for Leonardo Dicrappio as "Jack" in Titanic and your Kate WinlessLet "Rose".

Newsflash...he went down with the Titanic. Your stuck with the rich, emotionless, unimaginative wimp who your Mom likes.

I'm obviously kidding. I don't think your going to find the right guy until it is meant to be and your not really looking. You see some guy that seemed interested and you pressed him on the subject only to have him pull away like the pansy that he probably is.

I think for the emotions you really seek...you need a female partner, to convert a gay guy back to hetero, or just run into that someone at the perfect time and place(aka love at first sight).

You may be able to slay some unsuspecting, feeling type who can connect with your emotions but the likeliness of this is not good(so says my magic 8 ball).

 

Outstanding post, AB. Although, where are these loose women of which you speak? I'm doing a research project and I need data for my report.

i'm evil

 

Anyone else love the fact that because you mentioned this, the ads at the top of the page are for the Titanic and saving your marriage?

 

isabel, this is all rather absurd. you cannot control anyone but yourself, right? yet you try to steer a guy who made advances towards you in a direction of your design. relationships happen over time. you don't make a deal ahead of time how it will be. maybe he did just want to get it on with you, so what. don't expect so much from people. if ferdinand is such a bump on the log, jump off. then you should circulate, meet lots of people, and just let nature take its course. that's my $50, paypal only please

 

I'm reminded of a line from King of the Hill when Minh was explaining menstration to Connie: "You watch Titanic on the right day and it blow you away!"

 

its simple.

We're thinking about SEX!

I've had to deal with the physical and emotional intimacy split and frankly for me I have a hard time being emotionally intimate without the physical intimacy. Maybe that's just the way I'm wired but I have a hard time committing emotionally to someone without committing physically.

 

http://tinyurl.com/4yx2z

 

I got to wonder about my browser....I dont see those...all I see is a ad for rims/wheels...its the same ad that always comesup in this forum.

Isabel,
I really cant offer up anything better than has already been said by many of the great folks here...

but I also get the feeling that you are blaming everything on you.
You gotta quit doing that....you cant control everything that happens around you...
Not a one of us can say we truely know you, but after reading your post here for going on 6 years...it isnt difficult to tell that you are a pretty smart, sensitive and caring peron...ok...things have been tough lately...but that doesnt mean that it is all your fault.

Have you considered moving to a different area to get a fresh start?(if your intention to split with Ferdie in fact happens)
Ive gotten the impression that you are in a relatively small city/town....maybe a new, larger place would increase your chances of finding someone that fits what you want from a relationship.....guys like that are out there....they just arent as common as the other kind.

anyway....I wish you the best of luck in finding happiness..just follow your heart, and do what seems right to you...it will work out in the end.

 

I think the big question is: if he was just some normal guy who asked you out on a date with none of the personal intense interactions, none of the false pretenses and none of the emotional distance, would you even be interested in him enough to say "yes?"

That's what really sucks about relationships. You realize that you are really just dating the emotional and psychological reflection of your own needs and insecurities. When those change, so will your choice of partners.

Whenever I think about that, I want to make an appointment with a therapist and punch him in the face.

 

If anything, marriage counceling with your husband will send him a visible signal that you are clearly unhappy, and it wouldn't blindside him if you decide to make a break. If he refuses, you're going to have to make a stand. Going alone might even give you emotional support.

It's a better outlet than becoming vulnerable to people you'd normally wouldn't be attracted to. Realistically, since you said that you're not willing to have a full blown affair, then you've already set limits to whatever relationship you'll have while married. You've limited your odds at finding the partner you want while married and you're not attracting the right people while married either.

We're creatures of habit. How much of a risk will you'll take for freedom over stability and a friendly presence?

A lot of members here along with this stranger are rooting for you.

 

Only when we aren't getting any.

Don't project the negatives that you have experienced onto yourself. Many of the things that you have shared with us are not your fault.

Best of luck finding the happiness you deserve Isabel.

 

No we aren't. Some are more driven by the need for physical intimacy and others are less driven by it. It is highly dependent upon the person.

And it is completely short-changing the gender to suggest that we all are driven strictly by our physical instincts no matter what some of the guys on here say. Whenever guys say that women manipulated them with sex, I feel absolutely ZERO sympathy because it is as if they had no control over their bodily functions and that is pure bull****.

There is no question that there is an inborn desire to further a relationship physically when you are male. It is part of the natural physiological nature of the species. But, it is only significantly dominant in some (NOT ALL) men.

 

Agreed...which leads me back to the very first post I made in this thread...as it's different with each individual female, so is it different with each individual male.

 

I've actually had an emotional connection with someone with no physical intimacy...It's kinda weird because your close, but not that close...It was a friendship that occured while I was in ABQ, NM and it filled a void I had and it was someone I could talk to...We both felt close without all the physical stuff, although we did think and talk about it alot...

IMO, it seems you want it all, and whose to say you can't have it...We all want the perfect mate for one another, but without communication, respect and passion, what's the point...If you don't want to be the notch in this guys belt, don't, just be honest with yourself and break it off if you think you'll be happier...I know its a leap of faith, but to achieve true happiness, there are risks involved but the payoff is worth it, so I'm told, as I'm still trying to find true love...

btw, I'm with someone who makes me very happy, but don't know if I'm gaga over her...I mean, i'm like you in the sense that I want it all, someone intelligent, funny, likes sports, and sexy to me...I'm still trying to figure out what I want and what makes me happy, but until then, I'll enjoy the ride...

 

There is no hockey this season Isabel.

 

The bottom line is when you're stuck in a dead end relationship, you hope and pray that one day a soulmate will come along, sweep you off your feet, and create the perfect transition from subpar togetherness to eternal happiness.

You want to believe Mr. Backrub is the guy so you project these qualities you hope he has and if he's smart, he'll react naturally encouraging your behavior, especially after you respond positively.

However, once you peel the onion, you discover this isn't a fairy tale, he's not Prince Charming and if you wanted mediocrity, you'd stick with the status quo and avoid all the hassle.

So what should you do?

Get out of your current relationship - a relationship you have admitted has absolute no long-term potential.

Second, go and email Jeff to get more advice. God knows he's sensitive- in a Donahue/pro-womanly way.

Yes, this is a BBS but let's not create extra Sleepless in Seattle-esque melodrama. It's completely unnecessary and a waste of time.

Me thinks thou protest too much.