[Relationships] How can you tell if a guy is interested...

If he generally will do anything, and constantly goes out of his way to make you laugh. That's generally a good sign.

 

It's tough to approach someone who's currently in a committed relationship (but is nevertheless showing signs of interest), you never know where that line is that you cross or whether you've misinterpreted the signs. If that's what you're talking about. If this is about Ferdinand, there's a serious communication issue.

 

He's gay.

 

Isabel-

Ultimately there's no right or wrong. It's impossible to make some broad generalization about why people do what they do. Trying to judge someone by intrepreting their signals, or searching for some type of insight by guessing at their true intentions is just folly. People are individuals and everyone does not fit into a perfect black and white model.

This is why we all have so many problems in relationships. We all want to learn from our mistakes of the past, but who's to say it was a mistake? Maybe it was just something different about the past partner, doesn't mean the next one will be the same way. However I think we go into the next relationship looking for these signs and signals wary of what happened in the past. It's makes us overly cautious and we don't act like ourselves beacuse we're constantly searching for those insights.

In my experience people don't "try to take advantage of the situation while they're at it." I mean who really goes to all the trouble of making up some elaborate scheme to take advantage of someone? I've found if you open up to people they'll be honest and open up to you. Seems like everyone has a story to tell and we're all searching for someone who's willing to listen.

I guess the point of this rambling is just be straight up and honest with this individual. If you're wondering why "they're not giving you feedback as to whether or not they want to hang out with you/ talk to you" then just straight up ask him. It shows that you're thinking about the other person, that they cross your mind even when they're not around. Don't we all like that? If this person is uncomfortable with you neing so upfront then the heck with him. Without a solid repoire(sp?) there's no chance things are going to work out anyway.

Good luck

 

He's gay.

 

Isabel, I would think he's concerned about the fact that you're married, and is uncertain if you want to have a relationship or not... perhaps not having a clue about what's going on with Ferd. If that's the case, he's being pretty decent in his actions. If you and Ferd are on the outs, perhaps you mentioning that during a conversation, if you can do it without being too uncomfortable, would ease his mind about possibly having a relationship with you.

Or not.
When I met my wife, she was in a serious relationship of a couple of years, although she wasn't married or living with the guy. I sort of felt out the situation a bit before I got too serious. She quickly made it clear that she was all for moving on, so long as it was with me. This guy may just be trying to act like a gentleman, doesn't want to embarrass himself by coming on to you when you have this relationship with Ferd, and is waiting for a few more signs from you, and info to process, before making a move. Help him out!


edit: Phillyrocket made some great points. Perhaps the guy has his own history affecting his actions/non-actions. And I'm all for being direct. He's dead-on there.

 

You dated a guy name Ferdinand? No wonder you're messed up...

 

Well, here is my input for your "friend"...

All guys are different, however, they all share the same underlying trait, which is caring for someone and them caring back...

Its really quite simple...If someone goes out of there way to be polite, showers you with compliments or gets jealous when in theory they shouldn't, then they probably have a crush on you...Of course, a majority of the time, the person you have the crush on doesn't realize you could be thought of in "that way", meaning, your just a friend...also, trust your instincts, they're usually right 99.99% of the time...

If they keep telling you how hot your are and they can't wait to "hit it", its probably just for sex...

 

Why yes I am quite happy thank you

 

Isabel

That means that he's attracted to you, but not acting upon it. This could be because of either a) you're with someone else or b) because he's not good at communicating his feelings (possibly shy, maybe afraid of rejection... etc).

-- droxford

 

Isabel.
It is like alot of others said, he is interested, but not sure if you are. Or he does not want to do anything because you are already in a relationship.

this is definetly a case of him not being sure if you want it. But he is interested (if i get this right: he said that if you want to hang out or talk you can call him etc?).

 

Isabel-

I know you are a chick, but man up, and just ask him directly.

Life would be a lot easier if ppl stop beating around the bush.

If he is interested, he'll be relieved that he has a chance to tell you without looking foolish, and if he doesn't, well now you know.

 

Of course you know that people always put their best foot forward at the beginning and he could just be a big jerk.....

...not that Im cynical or anything.

 

LMAO.

 

I think your next 'phase' should be a relationship with a gay man. You'll get all the touchy feely meaningful stuff your looking for. You can talk about boys and how they are. And you'll have a wing man when you go out cruising. Best of both worlds!

 

Isabel,

Just a word of advice...it sounds as if you are falling into the exact same trap as before - trying to draw out someone who isn't good at expressing feelings and emotions. I can tell you from experience this is a bad move.

I've found that since I've been single, I've done everything within my power to avoid people with similarities to my previous relationship. This isn't because I was miserable with Mrs. JB, but because I realize that relationship brought out a lot of things in me that were not good for either of us.

I'm trying really hard to do the opposite (I sound like Costanza!) and be around people that are totally different, even when that difference makes me a little (or a lot) uncomfortable. It doesn't mean I'm going to end up in a relationship - that ain't happening for now. But, it does mean that I am pushing myself to try things I wouldn't normally try and hang out with people I wouldn't normally hang out with.

It's scary and it is awkward, but I feel happier knowing I'm giving it a shot.

Examples: I am being much more direct with people and trying to be around people who are very direct with me. I spent a long time guessing and trying to read minds and I'm just refusing to do that now. It isn't worth it. I'd rather just ask the question and if I don't get a straight answer, walk away. It's a lot more productive and, while not everyone likes it, the one's who do arre great to be around.

I'm also hanging around people who WANT to hang out with me. One person told me that I shouldn't even try to meet anyone and that I should just let people approach me because I'm not in the place to do the work in any relationship and I agree. I've been there already and that didn't work.

The combination of honesty/directness (something I've never been good at) and allowing others to come to me and put forth effort when it comes to being around each other (something ELSE that was always tough for me to wait for) has already made for a much happier and healthier life for me. And I've made some cool new friends in the process.

Anyway, rant over. Just be careful repeating patterns with people or you'll end up in the same situation you've been in and seem to want out of.

 

Isabel 3 easy ways to tell if your guy is really into you.

1. He takes you out in public
2. He doesnt mind PDA (public displays of affection) in public
3. You dont sleep with the guy (3 months minimum) and he still calls you.

J