[Relationships] Getting out of a bad long-term one...

You've been hurting all this time, so its time to put you first...You're not the dirtbag, or anything else, you're just a person wanting to be happy, period..

I would agree, but you've taken a huge first step...I think your soon to be ex has taken advantage of that and it will get ugly before it gets better...

 

Of course you are going to feel some guilt. You're a sensitive caring person, but don't let that guilt influence any of your decision. Mark my words...in a month, you will be seeing things in a whole new light, and you'll be kicking yourself why you didn't do this sooner. You're obviously already feeling a bit of it, although it is masked by the guilt you're feeling.

As far as him thinking you are screwing him over, you tried to make it work for a long time, but you have to be true to yourself and your feelings.

p.s. watch out for the rebound relationship.

 

Isabel, there is no doubt that you will feel guilt. It is natural when you are involved and somebody is hurting that it will bring about guilty feelings.

It isn't easy, and you should avoid beating yourself up as much as possible. Just know that by doing this you are taking the necessary actions to eventually get past it. You will be able to move on, and so will he as long as you take this action.

It is sucky that it is such a painful thing, but it does show character that you have genuine concern about it.

As far as him not having friends to fall back on, this may be what it finally takes for him to start developing those kinds of relationships. There will be some resentment on his part, and feelings that you aren't working on the marriage or whatever, but as he begins to grow and learn from this, in time and with perspective he may at least understand that you couldn't be happy, and that it was a painful but necessary step.

I wish you the best.

 

Isabel,

Good for you, now you can start to live your life how you want it and on your terms.. Have fun and do crazy stuff with your friends.. Like most of us we only know you via the BBS, but you seemed like a total

I think you could have been used allot worse than what he did to you,
DONT let that happen again.. Life’s too short to let others use you like this guy has, you live and learn.. Now you have a fresh start on life, just don’t let yourself get fooled when he comes crawling to you yet again… I’m sure this guy will put on the dog and pony show for you in hopes to win you back, don’t fall for it..

Good Luck & Congrats!!

 

Co-sign.

 

I suppose you've heard of Plato's story of the cave. To paraphrase it, its dark in the cave and confusing with little illumination but at the same time its what's known. It takes an effort to go out of the cave and see what's outside of it and come out into the light. You're having second thoughts about ending your relationship largely because you're afraid to end it, get hurt and hurt your husband at the same time. If you don't end it though you're just sitting in the dark with the same confusion and unhappiness that you've had. On the other hand you could make the effort to get out and see what's out there apart from your previous life. It might be dangerous, there could be a hungry bear sitting at the entrance of the cave but it might also get you out from the darkness and confusion that you have now.

 

The concept of sin I always find somewhat odd. Its somehow an offense to God that someone chooses to leave a miserable relationship where there is nothing productive or procreative coming out of it.

Perhaps this should be a D & D thread but it strikes me as odd that God wants even people who have no children or never plan to stay married if they are miserable. I've been told by Christians that its wrong for humans to decide what's ultimately right or wrong so something like leaving a marriage is humans deciding what's right and breaking a holy bond but isn't entering the marriage in the first place a human decision?

I can understand how if there are children that could be seen as breaking a bond since God has blessed the marriage with children and there is a responsibility to the children but if there are no children I don't see how that could be a holy bond.

 

I am not trying to move this to the d&d but since you state you are a Christian and feel guilt which may be from sin, I thought you should read this before make the final final decision.

Matthew 19:1-9

Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.
3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"
4 And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' 5 and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"
8 He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."

Me again...
As a Christian, you are free to make choices and you are still a child of God but there are consequences. According to God's word, if you divorce Ferd and ever remarry, you and your future spouse will be committing adultery in God's eyes (unless Ferd has been sexually immoral). There are other scriptures but what it comes down to is God hates divorce. He hates all sin, but this is the only one that I know that has lasting consequences if you ever remarry.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do and I am not a holier than thou person - ask my wife, but if you are a Christain and you are worried about this, I go to God and his word - not a bbs.

But for basketball news - Clutchcity Rocks!

 

Hmmm. I don't know if she was married by the church...can someone refresh my memory...

 

It doesn't matter. Catholics get a Marital Dissolution Agreement instead of a divorce. My ex-wife already has two. Unfortunately, I'm quite sure she is going to hell, so it really doesn't matter.

 

David Puddy?? Is that really you??

 

It does if she is concerned about God's law. If it's a civil marriage, a divorce should be fine, but a union in the eyes of God can not be broken.

On a side note, Your ex has gotten TWO annulments(dissolutions)? what reasons did she give to get those granted?

 

Yeah that's right.

 

Who the hell knows. I certainly wasn't witness to either. And, BTW, my ex is more psycho than yours. She actually tried to get her new husband to adopt my kid. They thought they could sneak it by me.

 

WOOOHOOO !

Glad to see you grew a backbone you jellyfish !



It will all be for the best Isabel !!

DD

 

Must resist urge to post about religion, and hope I get back into D&D....must resist...arghhhhh!!!!......resist......eerrrrrr.......

Ah......yes......much better.

DD

 

Shouldn't that read "in addition to a divorce"?

 

I'm sure that ended without any fireworks...

 

Ooops...sorry, didn't think I was posting D&D material...

sorry guys.