[Relationships] Getting out of a bad long-term one...

Isabel, you seem to have a caring, sweet heart.

And that's what's really screwing you up right now. You've chosen a path, and your care for him are making you second-guess yourself.

It's easy for us to say, "dump him and break off all contact with him" because we haven't spent years being married to him. (also, must of us are men).

We're trying to be strong for you. It's like you're our friend, and you're being "human and weak" and you need someone to help guide you. (have you ever had a close freind in that situation? That's kinda how we feel).

Remember "Finding Nemo" When Marlin and Dory were in the whale? Marlin was hanging on and Dory said, "You have to let go!" Marlin couldn't see it, but hanging on was exactly the wrong thing to do, and letting go was the right thing to do.

Ruby's post was excellent. I agree with all of it whole-heartedly.


(And I have neither nice cars nor high-tech equipment. No ipod. No xbox. Our home stereo is a 14-year-old Emerson piece of junk. I do shower every morning, though.)

 

We're just trying to help you end the suffering for both of you. You may feel like you're weak, but the only one that can empower you is you. We all said it wouldn't be easy, but you have to pick yourself up, assert yourself, and finish what has been started.

 

They say that men try to fix everything, and women only look for understanding... so the moral is... we need more females?

 

one thing you can take from this is life is hard on us all. just try to look at the good things in the past present and hopefully future as much as you can.

 

Yeah, I noticed the Mars/Venus thing going on. I understand the differences, but it doesn't make sense to me.

 

Isabel, don't reinvent the wheel. I've gone through what you're going through. I've gone to counseling to find out what was going on in my life. I'm no counselor, but the advice I got worked for me. Don't worry about a few months later. You don't even know where you will be tomorrow. Get on your feet today and take care of today. The purpose of your life is to be as happy as you can be. You're not Job. You're not being tested. You don't deserve to be suffering. You shouldn't have to suffer to make someone else happy. People that make you feel that way are toxic. Get them out of your life.

I don't mean to oversimplify this but look at it this way.

If you're ever gotten on a thrill ride, or bungee jumped, or did something you were terrified to do, try to remember how you felt before while in line...nervous as hell. --You've gotten past that.

Then remember when you were being strapped in and there was no return. You were probably terrified and just wanted it to either stop or be all over.--This is where you are now.

When you actually went through with it, the ride was worse than either the wait in line or the point of no return...That's the next step.

But when it was all over, you felt relief, and you knew you were stronger for what you did, even if you chose to never do it again.--That's a few months down the line.

You have to do what is right for you. You have all the "solutions". It's up to you to decide what is right and take those steps to resolve the situation.

 

Basically, men will offer solutions, as you have seen.

Women, want to understand, which is what you are doing.

I think we are trying to help explain what we are seeing, and fulfilling your understanding part of the equation.

 

Isabel, sh*t, or get off the pot, as they say...I agree with Ruby, to do it right, you have no contact what so ever...

You are a very caring and nice person, but to be truly happy, you may have to be a b*tch to get what you want...Will there be bad days, hell yeah, but you can't get there guilt free...

If you don't stand up for yourself, who will? Good luck...

 

I think it's funny to say men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

Because Mars doesn't rhyme with 'vagina.'

And that's weird because Venus rhymes with 'penis.'

So, you know.....it doesn't make sense in rhyme words.

Because men would have to be from Pagina.

For it to make sense. Because Venus is like penis except the P and V sounds are switched around.

So pagina is like vagina with the P and V sounds switched around.

Get it? Because Venus rhymes with.....nevermind, I'm gonna go now.

 

It must be hard Isabel, but in your heart and mind you know what is right, you would not have left if you truly had not made up your mind.

The sooner you get it over with the better for both of your lives.

People always struggle hardest for what they can no longer have, I am sure he is being everything you want him to be now...but a leapord does not change his spots, you are breaking up for a reason, and that reason will always be there.

Time to move on, girl !

DD

 

It's because in Roman mythology, Venus was a hot chick and Mars was a big, badass god of war, you silly goose.

 

You have the most ridiculous posts here (at times), yet I find myself always wanting to read the next "thadeus" post. And for that, I thank you kind sir.

 

Isabel - Come back to me, oh dear one! I wrote you a haiku to re-win your heart!

the cat hath gone out
but its fragrance doth remain
return, my p***y

Get it? It's a metaphor. You are the cat! Now it's time to slink back through the little kitty door of my heart.

PS: That was quite the ethereal reaction when I hung around to meet you in the parking lot. Come back to daddykins.

- fadeaway (a.k.a Ferdinand)

 

Are you for real?


Isabel, whether this be him or not... break it off. You see that sea out there?

 

you gotta be joking.

 

Isabel, all men are not alike, and you won't discover that as long as you torment yourself over this man.

 

All shapes, colors and ages... You'll do just fine. Whatever you do don't grab a rebound relationship. Let things chill and take your time...

After you get this one finished, that is.

Don't let a fear of future rejection, or similar reaction from a partner (insensitivity, lack of a show of emotion, indifference to affection, etc.) keep you from living life and being happy.

The feelings should be mutual. And a real man knows how to communicate intimacy without requiring physical contact within 5 minutes.

You need a man. Not a guy... not just a male.

So what if he's younger? You'll know when the time's right.

Hey, it's how Stella got her groove back ya' know?