[Relationships] Getting out of a bad long-term one...

well, lemme put my psychologist's (i earned my diploma at the local print shop) hat on. the reason i say that is cuz after reading through your thread, i think you have a classic case of "addicted to miserism". all the symtoms are there, low self esteem, turning down more worthy guys, wanting to sleep with your father and kill your mother, wait... the last one's from a movie.

anyways, alot of girls with low self esteem put themselves through bad relationships because they like to "feel" something (happiness, pain, misery, whatever). lemme explain. nice guys can make you feel happy. however, like most all emotions, happiness isn't on-going but... nor is pain. most of the time, you feel indifferent (think about how you feel every second of the day even when you're walking... indifference). with that said, misery and pain last alot longer then happiness, cuz that's just human nature. you'll always think about your mistakes more then you accomplishments. you're actually just addicted to "feeling" something and misery is the ultimate emotional drug. it's more potent than infatuations and last longer than happiness in relations to the feeling of indifference (you'll have to think about that one).

similar to alchohol, there's certain levels that are healthy. you just need to get off the strong stuff for a while by keeping busy doing something else.

 

And after the rain, the sun. Good luck.

 

p.s. i don't believe too much about the "i don't deserve better" theory. it's sorta like a bum not accepting a million dollars cuz they don't think they deserve it.

 

I tell ya, Isabel. You should show up a the next Clutchfans viewing party. Watch a game with us, eat some chow, and we can all line up and each give you a hug.

Oh, and here's a line you can give Ferd:
"I'm glad I have your forgiveness, Ferd. It will make it easier for me to move on with my life without you."

 

Whoa man, for a split second I was worried about where you were going with that.

 

The only problem I see here is insecurity.

Insecure people usually tend to get left behind in life because they are afraid to take chances. Its time to toughen up, stop over analyzing everything and roll with it.

 

I didn't want to comment too much since this has been an ongoing situation, but Droxford has a nice quote here that you could definitely use. If he forgives and forget, he'll have no reason to say anything if you said that but to accept. I have a few thoughts here and there about what you're thinking of the situation, but I'll leave that be for now until I can paint a more clarified picture of it. I think there's more to it then you state there, Isabel. I hope you can find it to just leave the situation behind and focus on your own life instead of dwelling on something that you've repeatedly claimed to be "in the past."

 

Isabel: I can just about guarantee he has read the stuff on here. He very well could be writing something on here in the near future to give his side of things.

I remember when I was going through my divorce at the beginning I found out she was on an ivillage board. Believe me, I read everything that psycho wrote, and had a good mind to register and post "my side". I ended up not doing it, but I was tempted.

That said, he's reading. I'd bet quite a bit of money on it.

 

Have you ever done anyone "wrong", to any signficant, outside of Ferdinand? I thought I read that this was your first relationship...if so, what are you benchmarking this situation against?

 

I agree - there is no way he doesn't know about these BBS posts. Which can be looked at as a positive or negative depending on your view of the situation - I guess that is obvious though.

 

The time has finally come. Everyone, I have dire news for you.

I... am.... Ferdinand.

My darling, ambrosial Isabel -- I know I can be verbose at times, sometimes in a recalcitrant sort of way. I will miss you terribly, but I realize now that it was never meant to be. I release you from your spiritual and fleshly bond, for you to frolic in the ether of a newfound courtship. As for me, I will be happy with the new lady friend I met while shopping (in sorrow) at the local deli. We met over a wonderfully grandiose stick of salami. Her alurement beckons my wolf whistle. Plus, my mother (milf) simply adores her.

I wish you all the best.

- fadeaway a.k.a Ferdinand a.k.a MacBeth

PS: The cat has also moved on. Go Rockets!

 

LOL. fadeaway, you sound like James Lipton. ... Or at least Will Farrell's impression of him.

 

Actually, I think it would be something more along the lines of:

Isabel. After speaking with my mommy, who now hates you, I have decided to forgive you and to forget all this silliness. Please be mature about this matter and quit being so melodramatic. You are a small, mindless person who can't make decisions on your own and it's ridiculous that you're doing these things when it's quite clear that I have done nothing wrong. Remember that you're my wife and that you can't divorce me. If you do, God will smite you down, 'cause he's on my side.

Sincerely,
Ferdinand

 

Don't tell me how it should be, you peonistic infidel! I am Ferdinand, not you! I can prove it if necessary; I know where all of Isabel's birthmarks are (as does my saintly mom -- I share everything with her).

 

! OH SNAP !

 

nice try fade .

 

Isabel, tell us you are still hanging in there.

Rooting for you to be strong for yourself and also H who has some growing to do.

 

This is really the hard part Isabel. It's a great time to work out or pick up on old hobbies. Get back into doing those things that you alsways wanted to. Keep yourself occupied. Go to sleep early if there's nothing to do at night. Good luck!