But, I would add, in our case there really wasn't any fear regarding or consideration for the possiblity that our friendship would suffer. Really no debate there at all. I wonder how often this issue legitimately comes up. And, as for friends, getsmart, are you short on friends? It may be a bit Machiavellian, but I'm guessing you can risk reducing your pool of friends by one for the attempt at a relationship. IOW, the friends excuse is BS, this isn't someone you've known since you were 8; she's expendable as a friend. You'll get more. I'd advise -- if I were to advise you -- that you make it a romantic relationship or nothing at all.
I think the issue depends on whether she believes that what you are after is a one night stand or a long term relationship. If it is the former, she may be concerned that a friendship with priviledges quickly dissolves into not much of a friendship anymore. If she really believes that you are interested in a long term relationship the friendship line may just be away of saying she's not interested. In the cases where friends of ours started out with the woman not being interested, she seemed to be more honest about it (i.e. "I really value our friendship but I'm not remotely attracted to you") and because she did really value the friendship there was a real opportunity to strengthen the relationship based on that and eventually, in those cases, she did fall in love. If she is a friend worth keeping, pursuing the romantic angle probably won't drive her away. And if you are really a friend she should find worth keeping, you aren't just trying to get into her pants.
getsmart -- this was a very real concern for my wife and i when we started dating. we were both very hesitant to change the relationship. i thought she was very attractive...but she was my best friend at college, really. and the idea of screwing that up scared the crap out of me. we knew when we started dating that we'd either be married or it would end horribly, losing a girlfriend and a best friend all at once. she had those concerns as well. but, ultimately, who better to pursue for a relationship than someone you already LIKE. LIKING someone is soooo underrated. People fall in and out of love all the time. But to like someone...to truly like them....man, those are the people you want to spend your life with. we took that risk, and i'm so glad we did. so are our two sons! just my two cents.
Women, can't live with em', can't live without em'... However, don't ask me, I'm in my "all women are evil phase"...well, not really all of them, just my soon to be ex...
madmax, i like what u said. it's so true. obviously, the people that are your friends are people that you like and enjoy spending time with. those are the ones you've known for a couple of years or longer and can trust. and i agree with mrs. valdez, if she values your friendship, she will want to keep you around. i know personally, all the guys (i did engineering at UT) that i've had that conversation with are still my close friends. i never had a serious rltnship with any of them and i'm still great friends with them today. i value friendship a lot and i know they do too.
I think she's one of these girls who likes men with a dark, mysterious side. Hence, the apartment block guy she was so quick to sleep with. He certainly lived up to that billing by dumping her after he had his way with her. You may be too much of a goody two shoes. Go out and buy a chopper, leather pants/jacket, grow a goatee, and act like you don't give a sh*t. Then, ask her again.
That's so true...getsmartnow is such a nice guy that he even cares enough to ask for advice from a bunch of completely unsympathetic basketball fans...whereas she gives him the "friends" excuse and goes and sleeps with some jerk...she doesn't deserve him!
"I don't want to risk our friendship" means "Nah, brah." Simple as that. Women never even actually know how they feel, but scientific testing has shown that "I want to stay friends" means "Striiiiike threee!!!"
I really think that I'm too nice sometimes. After she told me she slept with that guy, my first reaction was "Why do all the jerks get the good chicks? What am I doing wrong? I'm a nice guy. etc.." But this morning I'm feeling so much better about it. I talked to my best friends, and most of them have been through **** like this before, all coming out with different results. I need to stop thinking about it, and start busying myself with other stuff. Thanks for the advice guys and gals, and keep it coming!
Sad but true. Not saying that all of us girls are like that... but the ones who have the guy friends who want to be more than friends are usually the girls who are like that. Everyone wants what they can't get.
rule Number 3545 LEt her know .. u don't want to hear about her sex life unless you a part of it Rocket River
It's not if, but how... This is a song for the ladies but fellas... listen closely You don't have to **** her hard in fact sometimes that's not right to do.. Sometimes u got to make some love and ****in give her some smooches too.. Sometimes you got to squeeze.. Sometiems you got to say "Please".. Sometimes you gotta say "Hey," "I'm gonna **** you.. softly" "I'm gonna screw you gently" "I'm gonna hump you sweetly" "I'm gonna ball you discreetly" and then you say "Hey, I brought you flowers" and then you say "Wait a minute Sally," "I think I got sometin' in my teeth could you get it out for me?" That's ****in' teamwork! What's your favorite posish? That's cool with me, It's not my favorite but I'll do it for you. What's your favorite dish? I'm not gonna cook it but I'll order it from ZANZIBAR! And then I'm gonna love you completely Then I'll ****ing **** you discreetly and then I'll ****in bone you completely but then I'm gonna ****... you hard..... Hard........
You know, its so true...girls say they want the nice guy who treats them nice, but in reality, they want the bad boy a-hole who ignores them and treats them like sh*t...now of course, this isn't always the case, but it is more time than not... Remember, nice guys finish last, at least when it comes to girls...Just go in your be with as many women phase and you'll get over her...Good Luck...
love that song troy. it's not a matter of being a nice guy or not. if you're unattached and want to bang a girl and think you can, go for it- you can still be nice to her. often human beings don't know what they want and need to be shown the light. ever heard of the fine art of seduction? if you know what you want and are afraid to take it then you have no one but yourself to blame.
i think you're right about a girl wanting to date a bad boy. i was one. many years later, i woke up and realized he was a jerk and now i want a nice guy. i think it has to do with girls being immature.
