Relationships between young people aren't really that hard to understand. When you're young you're struggling to figure out your place in the world, who you want to be and how you want to live, how hard you want to work, what you can realistically expect, what you'll settle for. In other words you've yet to come to terms with your ego. We all are driven by it, men and women, that inner voice that nags us into striving at things like school, work, sports and love. Failing the inner voice is what drives us to self destructive behavior. Maturity is agreeing with the inner voice that we have reached an acceptable level. Men and women just go about satisfying their ego's in different manner's and that's why they seem so incomprehensible to each other. This difference is the result of the evolutionary requirement of the sexes. Women need security to sucessfully rear their young, but the effort required just to care for them leaves them little energy to expend for protection and obtaining the means of survival. Men have the energy to devote to work and defense but need women to procreate. So, men use money and power to get p*ssy and women use p*ssy to get money and power. It's pretty simple really. All the posturing and angst about love is really just coming to terms with what you'll settle for. Is she a cool enough chick that everyone will see me as sucessfully procreating my genetic lineage (ego)? Have I done everything I can to secure a provider that allow my children will prosper (ego)? It can take a lot of trial and error to decide what will work for you and some folks never seem to find a comfortable balance. Sometimes it takes getting burned to figure out how close you can get to the fire to just stay warm. Youth, it's tough. (thank you Dr. Phil Dubious)
I would like to reiterate my request that pictures of all female persons mentioned in this thread be posted immediately.
Great post, (glad someone else here is a psych major as well ) Dubious is right it's all about the cognitive dissonance. Good job Pun you're making men everywhere proud!
Lil Pun, It sounds like her friends are either trying to gain sympathy for their gurl. OR, they are trying to make you look like the ******* of this "situation" in the relationship by telling everyone how hert-broken your girl is right now. Yeah I would be pissed too. This is very sad. You said that not too long ago she was neglecting you and not listening when you tried to discuss your concerns, now she letting others run the show for her. What this tells me is you've got her on the ropes. Just keep doing what you're doing and stand your ground. It is also very reassuring that outside of the BBS that you have a good support system. Again, good luck Lil Pun, -Tdogg
Translation: She's partying like a banshee and getting sexed up by other guys. Once she gets tired of this shallow excitement, she'll call you and hope you'll take back her, and her well-worn p*ssy. If you take her back, she'll be with you for a while until she gets bored and then this process will repeat. That's because she's immature and has no idea how to handle a serious relationship. This is why the 'break' is a bad idea. You must know that, on the first night of your break, she and her friends went out and they hooked her up with one of their f*uck-buddies. And they've continued to do that as much as possible all during the break. You know that, right? -- droxford
droxford's last post reminds me of this: Lil Pun's days of finger-banging ol' Mary J. Rottencrotch aka his ex through her pertty pink panties are over!
I wouldn't recommend this but... When I was a private investigator I had a Dallas client who was convinced that his girlfriend was cheating, we could never catch her so he came up with this plan. He told my partner everything about her, her likes and dislikes. He told him the type of flowers she liked and that she liked younger men. Yes he paid my partner to try to pick her up and it worked, they had a 2 week non-sexual relationship (err friendship). During that time he learned first hand from the girlfriend that she did love the client but felt pressured into a more committed situation, even more interestingly she maintained that the client never made her feel pretty and that she HAD INDEED seen other people without his knowledge but claimed that sex wasn't the motivation, it was the newness of these relationships and the attention she was getting. After satisfying our client’s request my partner never spoke to the girl again.
I'm not a psyche major..I'm just old like Yoda. Two more short points: 1. Nobody has really spoken in defense of this young lady who we don't even know. The reality of life for a young woman after she makes her life committmant to a family is one freaking endless stream of dirty laundry. Drudgery like a coal miner. Though they will all say the fullfillment of giving is all they could ask for, the thought of never again being seen as the object of desire, to be persued like some great prize, that's got to be daunting. If she were one of us boys, no one would think of her as a ball-busting c*nt for just want ing to wring a little more excitment out of her life before settling for boring ol' Pun. How many of us men have strung along the 'safe' girlfriend while we were out banging the stripper? (well, all of us I'd hope!) 2. Love. Love is when you think you've found the girl that is about the best you can do and she feels the same way about you. You both make the committmant of exclusivity so you can get out of the ego game and relax to go about your life's purpose..procreation of the species. It's less exciting but it has less stress and failure. If both parties are not fully committed to the relationship you are destined to trouble at the trailer park because you are still in the ego game and nothing drives human behavior to extremes like a crushed ego. This is where we in the evolution of life on the planet Earth, understand it and embrace it or live as tense as a knotted dishrag.
Even with my extensive experience, I cannot explain WHY women act the way they do, but I have noticed a number of things that are worth mentioning. 1) For some reason, many women are attracted to the "bad boy" type. Unfortunately, they also seem to equate that type of man with being mistreated. IOW, they tend to be attracted to pr!cks more than men. When I acted like an a$$hole, I got laid a LOT. When I looked like the "bad boy" type (but acted like a man), I also got laid a lot, but those relationships ended quickly once the girl found out that I *gasp* respected them. 2) There are still a LOT of women out there who want to be treated well by a real man. The trick is finding those women. 3) Once it feels like a relationship is over, it usually is. 4) Women tend to be more emotional and commitment oriented than men, so if you are more emotional about your commitment than she is, the signs are pretty clear. Now, I always had the ability to maintain friendships (sometimes with benefits ) with the women I have dated in the past (probably because I didn't treat them like trash). I highly recommend this even if it will hurt to see her date other guys. You will learn a lot about yourself, women, and dating if you strive to maintain such friendships. One of the best statements I saw in this thread was the comment that dating has as much to do with timing as anything else. Even if she doesn't want to be committed to you (or even if she has slept with others), it is not a personal thing, it is just a timing thing. She is not ready for such a relationship right now and as such, the relationship will end one way or another, sooner or later. I would suggest sooner (to keep from building up more feelings that you will have to get over) and on your terms.
This is a really good thread...My two cents... She isn't anywhere near being in the type of relationship you have to offer...I agree with most that it is timing...No matter how compatible you are, how much chemistry you have together, if the timing isn't right, its over before it ever began... Its good to dig your heels in every once in a while as if you are not being treated or feel like your equal, you have to communicate it...Besides, body language tells alot and men have intuition as well... Good Luck...
OK, this break has been tough for me, very tough but it has alos helped me in a number of ways. I believe somebody said that everybody is throwing shots or picking on my girl without really knowing her side of the story. I've thought about this and it's true. The reason I have come to this conclusion is that I realize some of the things are my fault. 1. I don't think I really made an effort to call her as much as I should of. After speaking to one of our mutual friends she told me that my girl always spoke about how I never called and how she would just sit and worry about me. See, I realize now that I did not make the effort to ever contact her or see her because I always expected her to do it and not myself. 2. I realize we are young (I'm 24 and she is 23) and I also realize that she likes to get out and do things, whether these things are going to a club, movie, play softball, out to eat, or whatever she likes to do them. I realize that I did not do these things enough. She made some sacrifices for me and I should have done the same for her. 3. I realize the time we have spent together may have dwindled because she thought, honestly, that I lost interest in her as a special person because I never made that effort to see where she was, what she was doing, how she is doing, etc. Taking this break and just under a week, has made me realize how truly important she is to me and my life. 4. I talked to an aunt of mine about how my girl hangs out with her friends more than me and she said that is something that girls just do, especially when there around this age. She said it was probably nothing against me but it just what girls do. She said she may be getting some needed attention from them that she is not getting from me. 5. After reading the letter I wrote opening this thread I realize that is sounds like I put all the blame on her and that made have made her even more upset at the situation because I didn't even realize the thing I was doing wrong. So in retrospect, this letter or letting her read it may have been a bad idea. So see, I am starting to pick apart and realize some of my own flaws with this break which I believe is good. I realize if we do stay together then things will have to change on both are parts and I am willing to do my part, the question is is she? Out mutual friends, who still see a little of both of us, tell me when she is around it is like she is not even there, you have to ask her things 3 times in a row to get her attention, she has been really sad and depressed, she eats almsot everything in sight, and she doesn't like to talk about it too much because it hurts. I am willing to bet that we will stay together but if we do not I am totally prepared to go my own way and find my new way in life even though it will be very hard. I was just posting this update because I am realizing that it is not all her but it is some of my own wrongdoing too.
Uh huh. Right. What you're experiencing is typical. It is also wrong. Did you come here for advice, or support for your decisions? You aren't sticking to your guns. You're starting to blame yourself for everything because you want the relationship. You are currently doing what most men do during a self imposed break. And it isn't going to help one iota. I've tried to help, and you've chosen not to listen. I feel bad for you. In a few months, when the relationship is over, come back and read my original advice. You'll wish to high-heaven you had followed it. Oh well. We all have to go through it, I guess. Unfortunately, we who have been through it know what you're currently doing doesn't work. Sorry if this seems harsh, but when the vast majority of the board agrees with someone's advice, it's best to follow it.
