I don't blame you for not spending that much on her birthday. It's really still a new relationship, especially in terms of how much time you have actually spent together. You have a card, a gift, and plans to spend time together, and that should be enough at this stage. Relationships shouldn't be about financial gain or how much you can get from your partner. (and if you're one of those girls - or guys - who are looking for the material rewards, what does that make you?) Silence and tension: not good. I hate when things get to the awkward stage, as sometimes they head toward "irreparable" after that. My advice would be to try to rise above it all. Act cheerful and positive and mature. She may or may not be able to be as mature as you. Take the high road. Treat her well; be a good friend. Meanwhile, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but try not to get too emotionally attached to her yet. Or prepare to start detaching. Since it sounds like she may not know what she wants. In that case, don't blame yourself, and remember that someone else will appreciate you for who you are. Take care and good luck...
I think Isabel gives sound advice; wasn't trying to knock you, Isabel. Putting forth the effort to make things by hand or showing you remember what she likes (like ice cream cakes) is great. Most women I know love stuff like that. No need to be defensive of your presents. Good luck again. I think you're going in with the right attitude. I hope it works out.
I didn't read the original story, but I commend you on your use of paragraphs. Best of luck to you anyways.
Isabel, I didn't mean to come across as an advocate for game playing as that is something I can't stand myself. Rokkit really did a better job of stating what I was trying to say.
If at all possible when you go there, be in a great mood. Just make it your number one priority to have a great time, no matter what kind of mood she is in, or how she acts toward you. If she's being a drag try and joke around and have fun with others. Definitely go for her b-day, and just have a blast, then don't hang around and leave soon. Always be nice to her, but keep your focus on having a good time for yourself, not how much you are doing or aren't doing for her. If things are tense and she's been slightly overdosed on togetherness being somber and serious will only weigh heavier on her. If you have a good time, are very casual and having a blast, and leave early, then that might be what she things about when you are gone. She will think you are a fun guy, that she might not want to pass on. If she was thinking of calling it quits, this might make her pause and rethink it. If she wasn't thinking of that, then you still haven't hurt your chances, and you had a great time, and had fun. As soon as it becomes impossible to focus on fun instead of her, then get out of the party or the house or go back home, or whatever you have to do.
Have you been with her a few months or so? At somewhere between 3 to 6 months, the chemicals that fill your system and make you feel "in love" start to fade. They are particularly strong when you are young. When they fade, it isn't uncommon to look at the person you are with and want to punch him/her in the face. I think it is definitely possible that absence made the heart grow fonder for her and she is experiencing a letdown now that you are actually together and things are normal. This is also not uncommon, especially for young women. I'd say just take it slow. Give her plenty of space to be who she needs to be. You need space to be yourself too. And just be honest about how you feel. This relationship isn't just up to her though it can feel that way sometimes I'm sure. It takes two to tango. So, assert your own independence as well. Assuming you end up in a long-term relationship with her, you'll be MUCH happier that you did.
I think FranchiseBlade has the best advice here. I definitely understand where she is coming from. It's hard to start a rltnship at a critical time in your life (college grad is one) b/c there are so many things up in the air, so many choices you can make that can alter your life. She is acting completely normal for someone that is not sure of what she wants but is unhappy with the work situation now. Definitely be encouraging and give her her space and time to job search/work on resume/etc. I think you are handling things just right. I was dating my ex at my college graduation and with all the changes, we broke up 2 weeks after graduation. We couldn't hang...but that was a messed up rltnship to begin with. I think your mom is onto something with the 3 mth and 3 year rule. That seems about right. 3 months is definitely a time when you have seen enough to know if it's worth it or not to keep going. Just hang in there if you're really interested but like FB said, be very positive and light-hearted (don't create another burden) for your girl this weekend.
Well guys I'm off to Dallas after class and won't be able to check the board until I get back. Wish me luck. I'll let you all know how it went when I get back.
Damn, good luck...Hope it works out, but to me, this relationship is still in its infancy, so try not to take it too seriously...
Well I'm back from Dallas and have an update for anyone who cares. I was a little bit worried when I first got there that things might be ackward but damn...as soon as I walked in the door the whole vibe was perfect for some reason. It was the puppy love type feeling that we had been missing last time I went to visit. A little bit after I got there I had to go to Autozone to get a new battery for my car and was going to go without her (trying to show her that I don't need her to be around me ALL the time when I'm there) but she ended up begging for me to wait until she could go with me. Things continued to go really well all night and into the next day (her birthday). I gave her a card from the store, a card that I made her (an inside joke that she loved), Mannequin on DVD (she's obsessed...don't ask), a mint chocolate chip ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins (it's like crack to her), and finally I took her to The Melting Pot for dinner before we met up with some of her friends for drinks. Things went well but might have gone better had we not been tired even before leaving for dinner. So that covers Thursday and Friday and I'd say up to that point things were great. BUT she had to get up early for work on Saturday and then that time of the month struck and her cramps kinda rained on our parade for the rest of the day. Sunday was no better because she had to get up at 5am and once she got home around noon she just wanted to lay around all day and then I headed home. In the end, things went much better than I expected and probably would have been even better if not for menstruation!
I'm very glad to hear things went well and you had a good time. I would like to offer a bit of advice and you can take what you can from it. Just relaying some things i've learned about the fairer sex. You seem to be very much like me in some ways. You seem to be a very good guy, someone who cares about her feelings, and wants to make her happy. As I learned from my good friend Macalu, if you want a woman to care about you, act as if you don't care. Thats an exagerration but it's basic tenet is true. I've been kicked in the teeth so many times by women. Women's minds work in strange ways, and nice guys often end up being shat on. I'm not saying to treat her like crap, but be more aloof and unwilling to play her mind games. Even though you care about her so much, you must refrain from your natural instincts sometimes. She's being moody and unresponsive? Not your problem. Let her know you're going to go about your business. She doesn't want to talk about what's got her upset? Let her know that you care but if she doesn't want to discuss it you're not gonna dwell on what her problem could be. Once I came to this realization the women I was with dropped their attitude and became a hell of alot more loving. It sucks that mind games have to have a place in relationships, but like I said, women's minds work in strange ways.
That's great news, ClutchCityReturns! I actually thought about this situation this past weekend, wondering how it was going. Maybe I should not have admitted that!
Glad to hear it went well. By the way, don't listen to the more cynical people on the bbs who tell you not to be a nice, caring guy. If you're a nice guy and they can't appreciate that, then they're not very mature women, and you can go find someone who does appreciate it. Much better to truly care about someone than to spend your whole relationship life playing games. Sorry about the PMS, but it's something we have to live with. There's usually one day a month where it feels like someone punched you in the stomach. Large doses of ibuprofen might help.
I disagree strongly with the tone of this advice, and would rather put it this way. You're still in a young relationship, which means there probably will continue to be significant ups and downs. The best thing you can do for yourself is to not go head over heels, to get yourself too high when it's high and to get yourself too low when it's low. I agree that maintaining a healthy amount of emotional independence is healthy and can save you a lot of heartache. I like what Aceshigh says about not getting down on yourself if she's unhappy. If she's unhappy, it's her problem and responsibility, not yours. You can (and should) try to be there for her when she's down, but that doesn't mean you can or should try to fix her problems. It's like if someone has a cold. You try to be nice to them, supportive, sympathetic, but you don't blame yourself because they feel like crap and because you can't make them well. You also don't take it personally if they get a little grumpy. And you do proceed with your life. Anyway, glad that things went well this weekend. I hope things continue to work out.
I don't have balls to post this kind of ****. I'm too much of a private, guarded person. I just dropped seven pounds in about seven days. It took me a long ass time to cut the grass because i was tired. I went to lunch with her today, but I don't know. It sucks. I hope **** works for you.
