My sister-in-law tried to commit suicide a few days ago. I don't really know all the details, just that she tried to take a bunch of her mom's prescription pills. Her mother made her vomit up what she could. I don't think going to the emergency room was necessary. She actually agreed to come over by herself to me and my wife's house this weekend. I'm not sure exactly what stance and what tone to take with her, and I'm sure my wife is in the same boat. I know we need to express love and care for her, but I don't think that's enough, and I don't think that's the root of it. I'm not sure where to begin with her background. I'll just lay it all out there I guess. No father, poor, with a pushover for a mother(kind of hate to say it like that, but it's true). I'm not sure about the quality of the friends she keeps. She tries to be as secretive as possible about that. Recently her mother moved out of the house, in large part due to her brother, whom the sister lives with. The brother is an absolute cancer. He's a druggie 100% through. Been in jail, stolen from his family(repeatedly), has threatened them with violence(maybe even acted upon that from time to time). Mother never had the guts to throw him out and it pisses me off. Okay, he is her son and he has moments where he is a decent human being, but the dude is a ****ing crazy addict. It was a struggle to get the sister to pass high school. For a while she just started not going and was probably going to drop out. The mom just nagged and shrugged, like "what am I supposed to do to make her go?" So my wife played the mom, threw a hissyfit and made her go, despite my wife living an hour away from them. My wife also put in a lot of time tutoring her to help get her up to snuff. After she graduated my wife would nudge her in the right direction(asking about her plans for work or school), but wouldn't press her too hard because if you do she can get an attitude despite being a sweet girl most of the time. So now it's been like a couple of years or so. She's searched for some jobs(halfheartedly or not I don't know) but never really had anything that's lasted. She does have a little tiny bit of income via some home health place, but I believe it's real tiny and not a real job. From that income I think she was able to buy a used car, but since then she's taken out loans to pay for other stuff(what I'm not sure, but frivolous stuff for sure). Now she's stuck with however much these loans are, living with a druggie brother in busted up house(due to druggie bro), no job, and hanging out with who knows. To the best of my knowledge, she doesn't do drugs major drugs and certainly isn't addicted to anything. So there's that. And she hasn't gotten pregnant(thank god). So back to the beginning. She's coming over this weekend. I want her to move in with us, to be quite honest. I would like her to go to college or a trade school to get some skills and not be stuck with minimum wage, but she's so anti-school and cops an attitude about it. I certainly don't want to just absolve her of whatever debt she has, but I wouldn't mind possibly making small payments for her until she can get on her feet, but I don't even want to offer that unless she's serious getting on her feet and being self-sufficient. We've offered before to have her move in and to help her go to school before, but have been shot down. Eh, tired of rambling on. If anyone has any advice or input, I'd welcome it. I'm trying to get my thoughts together on what to tell her. Taking input from my side of the family as well as how to approach her. Hopefully something gets resolved for the better this weekend.
Man, your a pretty nice guy. Some people would balk at the idea of a sister in law moving in and invading privacy. Hopefully your sis in law can really see how you and your wife are just trying to help her succeed and actually turn her life around.
Definitely a tough one. Generally, minus the suicide attempt, I'd say this is where you be nice, but set rules and boundaries. You can move in, if you do [x]. We'll help you with your debt if you do [y]. The tricky part here, obviously, is that she lost her will to even go on. Some people here might be able to give you more direct advise, but I'd honestly say that if you were willing to do the above (let her move in, help her with debts), then the best bet would be to get her some professional help, likely on your nickle. And it needs to be someone good, obviously. Assuming she is still suicidal (and even if she says she isn't, you have to assume she is), then she needs "real" help. A psychiatrist type. Another random thought would be to go on vacation with her somewhere. Somewhere new, potentially exotic, and fun.
You may or may not have had these thoughts in place, but I'll just share my thoughts. Don't push her to talk about anything. If she wants to talk, she will. Just let her know that you are there for her, to listen, not to judge - if she does feel like talking, whenever that may be. Ask her if she feels like sticking around for more than the weekend, and express that you would gladly have her, and you'd really like it if she did want to stay. If she's receptive to the conversation thus far, then you can transition into the part where you offer whatever help you're prepared to give. It also wouldn't hurt for you to ask her what she really wants and what you can do to help her and make her happy. That could get her to open up. That's all I got, hope it helps...
If she tried to kill herself she needs psychiatric help, so hopefully she will take it if you offer it to her. Good luck, you sound like a nice guy hopefully you and your wife can help her. Praying works for me, so try that too.
would this be a bad time to say This thread is useless without pics? Seriously. Good luck helping her. Like Meggo said let her know yall are there if she wants to talk and that you'd be happy to help her get on her feet and find a positive direction.
I agree. It's probably a bad idea to force things. I think the most important thing is to make her realize that you and your wife are there for her, whenever she needs it. That said, this is a difficult situation and not even you understand the whole story. So just be careful and think carefully.
A suidice attempt usually means seeking professional help. I think a heart to heart, maybe one on one or some guarantees on keeping her trust is good, but it depends on her personality, like if she's too nice to say no and lies with yeses, or her true feelings or whether she does want to make you two proud but can't find it in herself to act. She could even be stuck in a spiral. It sounds like with her history and the current economic situation, she has the odds stacked against her. I would place myself as a bedrock of support and help her with professional treatment. The rest would be up to her.
