Redditor Fatasslarry7's bold prediction for the NBA Postseason

didnt read that

 

I skimmed it. Now I'm going to quietly back out of this thread.

 

I thought they were in LA not Canada. 2/10 for inconsistencies.

 

Hilarious.

 

this was funny.

 

That was funny. It also made me realize it's 20 years since Jordan's 93 retirement. And 15 since his last title. Damn.

 

Ug...
_____

Here's my prediction for the remainder of the season:

The Lakers finally start playing inspired basketball with Dwight Howard becoming a fan favorite by playing “Shaq-like” basketball. In an unbelievable turn of events, the Lakers reel off twenty straight wins and advance all the way up to the fourth seed in the West. Redeeming himself even further, D12 makes game winning plays multiple times through the first three rounds of the playoffs.

Fast forward to the Finals, where the Lakers are playing Miami at home and leading Game 7 by one point with three seconds left. The Lakers hold home court after Miami finished the season on a terrible losing streak, due to injuries to LBJ and D-Wade. After a time out, LeBron misses a fade away jumper that would’ve won the series for the Heat. Dwight Howard grabs the rebound, when we hear Jim Ross with this historic call: "Howard with the rebound and this should lock up the champineship for the Lakers... GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY! WITH GOD AS MA WITNESS, DWIGHT HOWARD JUST SLAM DUNKED THE BALL IN HIS OWN HOOP! WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON HERE? WAIT A MINUTE! LEBRON AND HOWARD ARE SHAKING HANDS!"

Dwight removes his Lakers jersey to reveal a Heat jersey, stunning the Lakers and all their fans. It was all an elaborate hoax - the back injury, the desire to play in Los Angeles, the good guy act to win the fans back during the Lakers' playoff run. Dawning the black and red, Howard grabs the mic and cements himself as a heel when he says, "All you stinking fans in this DUMP of a city can all KISS-MY-ASS!" Expectedly, the crowd boos at the notion of their city being called a dump.

The Heat bench clears as they start decimating the Lakers with steel folding chairs. Immediately, the refs call for a disqualification, resulting in a no-decision for the NBA Finals. Having seen enough, Shaquille O’Neal runs down to the court and starts fighting side by side with Kobe, as an emotionally charged arena cheers their every punch. Unfortunately, the Heat proves to be too much for the three-time championship duo. Kobe fights off a few Heat players, and tries to reason with Howard, who returns the Black Mamba's words with a choke slam through the scorer’s table. LeBron and D-Wade hold Kobe down as Howard rips off Kobe's jersey and spray paints, "Queen Bryant" on his chest.

When all hope seems lost, the crowd starts chanting, “MJ! MJ! MJ!” That's when Shaq gets up, breaks a basket with a dunk, causing glass to shatter and Steve Austin’s theme song to start playing. Michael Jordan appears, driving a Coors Light truck with Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman, Steve Kerr, and Horace Grant standing on top. MJ gets out of the truck, drains a Mikeweiser, grabs the mic from a frightened Howard and screams, "HOW 'BOUT WE MAKE THIS A THREE WAY DANCE?!" in which the crowd responds: “OH HELL YEAH!”

The crowd erupts as the Bulls begin attacking the Heat players. Pippen starts punching LeBron and Wade, although he is stomping the court with his foot equally hard for some reason. Following one open-handed Pippen punch, LeBron James staggers and falls down exactly at center court. Dennis Rodman steps in, and delivers a People’s Elbow, running from one side of the court to the other, covering a distance of approximately 188 feet.

On the sidelines, Magic Johnson renegotiates the Finals with the refs, and ultimately they decide a five minute overtime between the Heat, Lakers, and '93 Bulls is the only way to determine the true 2013 NBA champions.
During the overtime, Dwyane Wade chases after a loose ball and dives head first into the crowd, where is he is met by a deafening trash can shot by longtime Lakers fan and famous actor, Jack Nicholson. As Nicholson celebrates, Dwight Howard grabs him and readies him for a tombstone pile driver, but is met with a swift kick below the belt by Jeff Van Gundy. In a bizarre turn of events, every single player from each team is eliminated from the game through a series of foul-outs, low blows from Laker Girls, and being thrown over the newly installed top rope at courtside. Almost too surreal to believe, the final three players remaining are: Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, and Michael Jordan.

With one minute remaining, Kobe goes up for what looks to be a nail-in-the-coffin dunk, but is surprisingly met with a Singapore cane shot by Jordan, causing good ol’ J.R. to remark: “GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! MAMA BRYANT’S BABY BOY IS BROKEN IN HALF! HE MUSTA BEEN A GOOD TEN…. TWENTY FEET IN THE AIR!” Having witnessed the carnage, the Laker crowd – even the celebrities who are usually reserved but are now more animated than a junkie on Skid Row – start chanting “HOLY ****! HOLY ****!” During a subsequent replay, Jim Ross claims, “And here’s another shot of that last series of events, folks. Kobe musta been a good… forty feet in the air when Jordan hit him with that foreign object.”

Exhausted from a combination of being fifty years old, playing a quarter of basketball, and knocking out Kobe with a thunderous Singapore cane shot, Jordan falls down at the three point line, perfectly perpendicular to the basket. Atop of the scoreboard is LeBron James, who launches a beautiful Five Star Frog Splash on Jordan. While he goes to cover Jordan, David Stern runs down to ringside. LBJ drapes an arm over Jordan and on the count of two, Stern orders the ref to “RING THE BELL GODDAMIT!” even though MJ kicked out. Ultimately, this gives LeBron James and the Miami Heat a very controversial NBA Championship, as Michael Jordan gets screwed over in his last match in Canada.

 

stupid and unfunny


and gay

 

not even the slightest bit entertaining.

 

who cares what a "redditor" says? Reddit is ok but most of the people on there are impossible to stomach.

The Hangout is just like a better reddit.

 

This was really, really not funny.

 

Did not read this story, but I assume this was the work of Derek Tavern.

 

I highly doubt that happens.

 

Is that NBE, national basketball entertainment? I wanna watch that. Better than the current story lines.

 

That was extremely funny. But I didn't read a bit of it.

 

Either trolling, or doesn't understand the wrestling reference.

 

OK...

 

I thought it was pretty funny

 

Can we ban reddit as well?