http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-has-alarming-level-of-pride-in-institution-tha,30853/ JACKSONVILLE, FL—Calling his college experience “the greatest four years of [his] life,” 27-year-old University of Miami alumnus Mark Felder maintains a startling level of pride in his alma mater, a private academic institution that left him $50,000 in debt and completely unprepared for the current job market, sources confirmed Tuesday. Felder, who graduated in 2007 with a bachelor’s degree in communications, reportedly exhibits a remarkable amount of devotion to the school that led him to flounder both professionally and financially, claiming that attending the university was “the best decision [he] ever made.” “U Miami rules!” said Felder, who had to move back in with his parents for two years after graduating because of difficulty finding steady, full-time employment. “I try to head back there at least once a year to hang out and catch a football game. Seriously, if you’ve never experienced a ’Canes game at Sun Life Stadium, you have to go. There’s nothing like it.” “It’s all about the U!” Felder added. According to sources, the man who is no better off today than when he first graduated owns a wide variety of University of Miami apparel, including hats, sweatshirts, sports jerseys, and running shorts, as well as a number of posters and school pennants, which line the walls of his studio apartment. Additionally, Felder enthusiastically showed reporters the Miami Hurricanes decal on the back window of his dented 2001 Honda Civic, which he drives to the entry-level administrative assistant job he was forced to take after failing to find any significant work related to his degree. Reports also confirmed that the man who acquired no marketable job skills as an undergraduate regularly spends his weekends watching Hurricanes football games with several of his friends from college, who are collectively over a quarter million dollars in debt. “Whenever I go back to [the] Coral Gables [campus], it just brings back all those great memories of my time there,” said Felder, who has been unable to utilize his $35,000-a-year education to land a job that could possibly grow into a long-term and stable career. “The nightlife is amazing, we have awesome sports teams, and the campus is practically right on the beach. And everybody knows UM has the hottest girls.” “I’m pretty sure we have one of the top law schools in the country, too,” added the man who would be in a far superior financial position at this point and face more or less identical job prospects had he not attended the university at all. When confronted with any criticism of his alma mater, sources confirmed that Felder becomes vocally defensive of the institution that woefully underprepared him for not only the workforce, but also any form of graduate-level education. “Don’t even get me started on the University of Florida or Florida State—those kids are all losers who wish they could go to Miami,” said Felder, whose monthly student loan payments barely cover the accrual of interest and are unlikely to erase his debt for at least another 20 years, making it increasingly improbable that he will ever own a home or retire at a reasonable age. “Honestly, I’d take the U over any school in the country, and I’d recommend it to anybody. Everyone who goes there loves it.” In addition to encouraging family members and his friends’ younger siblings to attend the university, Felder expressed his hope to one day send his future children to the school, each of whom will undoubtedly qualify for comprehensive financial aid packages due to their father’s low level of annual income and virtually nonexistent savings. At press time, Felder had just received a phone call from the University of Miami asking for a donation to the school. <iframe name="embedded" allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen frameborder="no" width="480" height="270" scrolling="no" src="http://www.theonion.com/video_embed/?id=1402"></iframe><br /><a href="http://www.theonion.com/video/man-has-alarming-level-of-pride-in-institution-tha,30854/" target="_blank" title="Man Has Alarming Level Of Pride In Institution That Left Him $50,000 In Debt, Inadequately Prepared For Job Market">Man Has Alarming Level Of Pride In Institution That Left Him $50,000 In Debt, Inadequately Prepared For Job Market</a>
Oh man, they nailed it. The Onion nailed it again. And like I said in that one thread, this culture of pressuring kids to go to college straight out of high school is a major issue. This not to mention some aspects of college are overrated and outdated.
I know this will get me trashed on this website...but I am very proud of my literature degree which cost me 5 figures in financial aid and only financially benefits me with like 20 extra bucks a day when I substitute teach. Not everything is measured by the all mighty dollar. And not everyone wants to get into business or engineering or any other testosterone fueled professions that have favor on this BBS.
I'm sure it was very enjoyable but was it worth the money. And could you have gotten 85-90% of the same education on your own or at a community college for 1/3rd of the cost?
I wouldn't trade the four years of college and the memories/skills/friendships it gave me for anything. Other than four more years of it. College, like everything else, isn't the right place for a lot of people. Doesn't mean it isn't the right place for a lot of them as well.
I stopped reading after "...bachelor’s degree in communications." If you want a job, get a real major.
What the fuq is wrong with you Communications haters? I'm successfully self-employed AND a part-time employee of the state government and have a satisfactory career, and I have a bachelor's degree in Communications and no higher.
HA you suckers! While everyone else racks up silly student loan debt, 100% of my tuition is paid for and I get $2600 a month for housing. That's right! I get paid to go to school... Government handouts for the win! Take that Republicans!
I think it's obvious that you figure out what you want to do in life (what profession, wife, kids, etc...) and figure out if you need to go to school for it FIRST before going to college. If you have that all figured out by 18 and as an added bonus have a free ride or close enough, then go for it if not then what's wrong with waiting a couple years? It's not like college is going anywhere. If your parents are kicking you out the house and you still want that college experience, then go to a college town like San Marcos, work a couple jobs and enjoy the social life. Heck, you might even just enroll in a couple classes a semester so you can enjoy that college life (sports, frats, partying) without drowning in debt for something you don't really want to do, which is be in school. You can even create your own fraternity (remember Al Bundy's NO MA'AM, an anti-woman and drinking frat?) if you aren't in school. The fact that it's you that has the problem if you can't get out and meet and engage with new and interesting people. That can be as simple as routinely walking on a college campus, where those same girls you dreamed about seeing from the Girls Gone Wild commercials will still be there and if you have your confidence then you might be able to get them just the same. I mean seriously, at least if people got around actually enrolling in school for the stupid reasons while the serious students enrolled, society as a whole might be better off. And like I said, college isn't going anywhere, so instead of immediately swimming in lots of debt before your life begins, you can go make money by working and figure out what you wanna do in the meantime.
That's exactly right. Or he could have gotten a real major. The most hilarious thing about the article is even though the university took all his money and didn't give him any skills, he still gives them free advertising buy buying and wearing all the "gear" and going to their sporting events like it's some kind of cult. I have a longhorn buddy who buys all the burnt orange hats, t shirts, logos on his car, etc etc etc just giving the school free advertisement. It's strange.
No. Start a real Internet Business. Internet Marketing, eCommerce or build a piece of software and sell it as a monthly service. Here is Pat Flynn's income report for the month of November. 43k for one month, not bad and he's not even one of the top guys in Internet Marketing, just somewhere middle of the road. Jeff Walker for example brings in over 100k per month. http://www.smartpassiveincome.com/my-monthly-income-report-november-2012/
While I will admit that I didn't gain any measurable skills during my four years at Vanderbilt, I gained a lot of valuable experience in undergraduate life. I joined a fraternity and spent my junior and senior year as Rush Chairman and President. In those two years I developed leadership and organizational skills which I later leveraged when I moved into management. I met people from many parts of the US and the world and developed strong ties with them through shared collegiate experiences. I'll admit that many of these experiences were drunken and or stupid, but all were harmless. As a result of these connections, I traveled to their homes and experienced working and living in every continent outside of Africa and Australia. I made amazing connections which I parlayed into opportunities as I moved forward in my career. I was surrounded by beautiful southern women for four years. I developed a respect and knowledge of bourbon that few outside Kentucky can achieve without developing cirrhosis. Due to the coaxing of my trustafarian girlfriend I had junior year, I spent one month of the summer between my junior and senior year on Summer Tour with the Grateful Dead. Eight years later, in an interview with a major investment bank in New York, the Managing Director in charge of hiring for the position mentioned that he had to cut out early to catch Bob Weir playing at the Beacon. This opened up a conversation which, in my opinion, was the clincher in getting me in the door. However, I will admit that it took me three years to get a job that I would consider "acceptable" considering what my education cost. Its like Jerry Garcia said: "It goes to show that you don't ever know...Watch each card you play and play it slow. Wait until that deal come round...."
Where do you acquire the skills necessary to build and operate a business or architect and code software?
