question for people who are married or live with their girlfreind/boyfreind

rimbaud,

It was a joke. Many times my jokes are for my own enjoyment. If I laugh, then my joke has fufilled its purpose. As I stated, I had just read the "religion" thread, and maybe I was still a little fired up. Do smilies not count for anything anymore?

I think I showed an honest interest. I was wondering if they had either A.) Just gotten married. Or B.) Had felt that using the terms "wife" or "husband" now represented their relationship.

I think Jeff cleared my confusion up with his reply. I don't think your involvement was necessary.

If there are two guys in a bar and one dude accidentally spills his beer all over another dudes back, there might be a confrontation. But, if when the guy who is all wet turns around and the dude who did the spilling apologizes and says it was an accident then most likely things can be settled (unless both guys are lit by this time). But, if a third guy (you) steps in after Jeff and I turn around and resume doing what we were doing and starts to ask why I spilled my beer on your friend, then things tend to get pretty riled up from that point.

Look, I don't mind people sticking up for other posters. I have stuck up for Jeff, maybe before your time (not sure exactly when you joined us). But, try picking your battles a little more carefully. Or at least try it when someone is being serious and not just joking around like I was doing.

See, I remember some time ago you and myself got into a debate over something. I can't remember exactly what it was over, but I remember you replied in a very lackluster way, and I said something to the effect that I expected more out of you, especially in an argument/debate. Now, the quote above is exactly what I was talking about, laden with condesention and a sense of overbearing knowledge of personal actions. That's much more like it, and I am delighted to see that you put more effort into it this time.

The truth is, I feel that I am at a pretty good level of "self-sorted-outness". Maybe, not as much as some people, but assuredly more than others. I am very comfortable with who I am. I am a good person, and someone who is easy to get along with. But, when I discuss some things with people I tend to get aggressive (from my closest friends, to family, to complete strangers). I don't try to do it, it's just in my nature (I guess you can blame my Dad or my Viking and Irish heritage). My aggression is not meant to belittle people, but more to challenge people. I am one of those people who rise to challenges, so I guess I feel it should be natural for other people to raise their level when challenged. Obviously, that is not the case many times, and that is a fault I have.

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DREAMer's Rocket Page

 

DREAMer,

A few notes:

1. After attacking Jeff about a JOKE he made in reference to rednecks, you two had a brief disagreement and then you ended with "I lost the will to post, adieu" drama.

2. Some time later -- and out of nowhere -- you return specifically to attack a post made by none other than Jeff.

3. Since then, I have seen you only do the same. I might have missed 1 or so post, making it atg least 90% of your new posts meant to attack (sorry, challenge) Jeff.

4. Of course I noticed that your most recent effort was an attempt at humor, however underlying that was the fact that you were calling Jeff a hypocrite.

5. The all-knowing and wise achebe also pointed out your possible obsession.

Anyway, there is a difference between challenging someone's beliefs and attacking. The reason why I even looked at this thread was because my wife, who looks here periodically for entertaiment came up to me and asked, "Why is DREAMer such an a**?"

Again, my point was not to encourage a bar fight or any such nonsense...I was being serious.

As far as what you said in regard to my post...it seems you are doing what you are accusing me of doing by value-judging the effort and worth of my posts. Wow.

Alas, adieu.

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Whitey will pay.

 

In light of the disagreement dc, just make sure that you communicate.

You'll learn alot more about yourself and your aspirations while you build an incredible bond with someone.

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(===)

 

Change is inevitable. My wife and I have been together for 17 years now, married for the last 14. We we first moved in together, she was fiercely independent and I was extremely stubborn and convinced I was always right, no matter how wrong I was. Needless to say, this combination made for some exciting and often times heated arguements. But like DREAMer said, the number one issue is trust. We trusted each other from the start, and allowed that trust to grow. This made all the other problems less and less important.

Today the change is most evident, and we have never been happier. She has learned to depend on me to help her when needed, and I have learned to say "Yes dear, you're right", even when she isn't.

Change is good.



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Behad
Sergeant at Arms of the Clutch BBS

 

dc,

Sorry for disrupting your thread by the way. But, at least I did offer you some advice.

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rim,

You got the timing right about my departure, but you have no idea why I quit posting. In truth, it probably had less to do with Jeff (because I enjoy his posts, and I enjoy our discussions), than it had to do with... say you. There were many many reasons why I went on a break from posting. One of which was posters like you questioning everything I said to people like Jeff. I've since learned to deal with it, at least to where I ain't going anywhere until the great Clutch in the sky says so.

Also, there's something I just don't get. How is my one friggin' sentence considered "drama"????????

This is simply false, at least I think it is. If you could show proof of my first post back, then I'd like to see it.

Ummm, wrong again. I've posted at least 20 times since I've been back. I dont' have the desire to do a search to see just how many, but the percentage is much lower than you try to present.

How else do you ask someone if they are being hypocritical? I tried to do it in a humorous way so as to not ruffle Jeff's feathers. And, I didn't seem to piss him off, so I guess I did it in a way that was at least acceptable to him.

I had the misconception that Jeff and his wife were either not married (common law or something) or if they were they didn't use the terms "husband" and "wife". I was wrong and Jeff pointed that out. I then admitted my mistake, before you came into the picture.

Yeah, and that has a lot to do with my aggressive nature that I have already pointed out. I also said that it is something I need work on. I mean, geez what do you want from me? I've admitted being wrong. I've admitted my fault. Do you want a dozen long-stemmed red roses or something?

You must not have gotten my analogy. I was serious about the analogy as well. I was just saying that after two people have settled down, and a third person comes in, it just riles everyone up again and is much harder to regain control after that.

I don't think I understand this statement. I know you are talking about me saying I respected the effort you put into your last post and that was genuine. I'd much prefer to "play against your best", than not to.

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Jeff,

Well, this isn't the first time rimbaud has questioned me. If it were I probably would cut him more slack. Remember I've defended you on occasion as well. Defending you is not what I have a problem with, it's questioning my intent.

Plus, it's more fun to "discuss" things with rimmy, because not as many people "defend" him.

It is entertaining. I hope no one in here takes me too personally. I use this board to vent most times. As I've said before, I don't get to discuss most of these topics outside this medium. I think my biggest problem is that I do take things too personally. The problem with this medium is that you cannot hear the inflection in my voice. You can't see the smile on my face. You can't sense that I am being honest and forthright. You can only read my words, and in doing so, it is natural to try to "read into" what I've written. The truth is, most of the time (80%) what I've written is exactly what I mean, and there is no "hidden messsage".

I truly feel that if we all got together and talked about these things in person that I wouldn't come off as being such an ass. I mean, I am an ass in a sense, but I try use my humor to keep things civil.

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DREAMer's Rocket Page



[This message has been edited by DREAMer (edited March 25, 2001).]

 

dc: Don't be afraid of change. It's a GOOD thing and the ONLY constant in the universe. My wife and I have gone through immense changes since we met and they have only deepened our relationship.

As for all this DREAMer, rimbaud and achebe business....

rimmy and achebe: I really appreciate you guys having my back. It is nice to know someone will stand up for me somewhere.

DREAMer: Honestly, I understand your response here. This was something between us, but they were just protecting me, so cut them some slack.

Personally, I think watch you guys "discuss" is very entertaining!

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"I swallowed a lot of agression...along with a lot of pizzas."

 

Give yourselves plenty of space and time to do things seperately, and for God's sake, live in a place that has more than one bedroom and is larger than 600 square feet!

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"Blues is a Healer"
--John Lee Hooker

 

DC, it seems this thread is mostly not about advice anymore, but I had one more thing to say/ask. You've been going out with this girl since '97, but you're not marrying? Not to rush you or anything.

I went out with my girlfriend about as long, with a couple of years of cohabitation before I gave in and got married. And, when we finally decided to do it, it was because I realized that we had already made the commitment sometime in the past and hadn't formalized it with a wedding. Essentially, my marriage snuck in on me through the backdoor. We were living together and had our whole lives already intertwined. Breaking up, which would have been the alternative, would be no different than a divorce. It would be an amputation. A lot of that was that we were living together, so I won't suggest that you're there already. This is a warning: you've upped the ante. If you think you've delayed a commitment, I think you're wrong. But, good luck!

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RealGM
Gafford Art
Artisan Cakes

 

Is she rich?



DaDakota

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If you like RTS games, check out this one.

www.frontierwars.com

coming soon to a PC near you.

 

Oh yeah, that's right. It was a Valentine's Day proposal, right? Alright then, nevermind.

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RealGM
Gafford Art
Artisan Cakes