If she happens to have two fathers, one by birth and one that raised her (like my wife and her sisters) be smart and DO NOT ASK ANYONE. The other one will resent you forever. Just ask my brother-in-law, the super traditional Aggie alum that took out the birth father for dinner and now gets the cold shoulder from the stepfather. Personally I think if the gal is over 18, you shouldnt have to ask anyone. She's not chattal. Now if you are a Mormon Fundamentalist in Colorado City, you'd better ask her father because the wedding may interfere with her junior high classes.
Good point Mulder. Actually that's the first thing I prepared for before even thinking about asking for his blessing.
I think that we are all missing the big picture here. Why do you want to get married in the first place. If I had it to do over again I would have never done it. I love my wife and our kidsand you couldn't give me anything for them now, but the whole wedding thing is such a big pain in the a**. Buy the ring, ask the father for permission, ask her if she will, buy the dress, rent the hall, pay for the church, buy dinner and entertainment for 200 people, most of which you don't really know. Just go right to the honeymoon and promise to stay with her forever. Once you have kids with her you're gonna be with her for the rest of your life anyway.
i can't tell you how many times my wife and i say we'd do it all so much differently now. i'd still talk to the father before....but we would have seriously toned down all the wedding stress...smaller wedding...with less concern on meeting what others expect from a wedding, including our families.
I think it is ridiculous to spend that much money, time, stress, etc. on a wedding. Randi (my wife) and I spent a total of about $1000 on our wedding. That included everything from her dress, the church, the "reception" (if you want to call it that), and everything else. We had to pay for everything ourselves so it had to be cheap. Randi was 21 at the time and I was 19 in the Navy so we had no money. We are just as married as everyone else and we look back on our wedding and have no regrets. On the other hand we have seen several of our friends and family (Randi's younger sister) go out and spend a ton of money on an elaborate wedding and reception. Usually the bride builds up the wedding so much that when it finally happens they are let down because it cant live up to her expectations. A lot of them also are so in love with the idea of getting married and being in love that when they come down off of the high of getting married that they do not know how to deal with the reality of being married. Being married is not easy, especially at first but once you live together it is incredibly rewarding. I wouldnt give up the chance of being with my wife for anything in the world. She is by far the most important person in my life. Bar none including my parents. I suggest reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book has helped us a lot and basically saved our marriage about 2 years ago. Good luck and I wish you and your fiance all the happiness in the world.
OH MY GOD! You're the big, fat, obnoxious fiance! All this time we had a celebrity in our midst and didn't even know it.
I was fortunate on that point. Since it was my wife's second one anyway..she had already had the bigger wedding and was in no mood to go thru it again. We spent maybe 2K on the whole thing...got married in a small chapel in Pasadena that does nothing but weddings...kept the guest list small (less than 50) and had the reception right there on site. Then we proceeded to go to SA for the weekend for the honeymoon..and were back at work the next Monday. Big weddings are ok if that is the brides desire...but dont overlook the fact that sometimes smaller ones can be alot less stresful all the way around.
My brother's getting married in May. People getting married makes me sick these days. SICK! I'm just bitter.
Lil Pun, Probably not a good idea to tell her father that you went out onto an Internet message board and asked a bunch of random strangers about this. So I would keep that to myself.
Well I was just getting input from folks who have done it before but I didn't plan on saying anything about anyway.
I just got married last year. Her family is a very strong, traditional family...I actually took a secret trip from College Station down to Victoria to ask permission over dinner...and booked back to C.S. in time for when she got back from her late class. Things you should know: Do it over dinner or something... It isn't all that weird to ask for both parents' blessing, not just the Dad. They WILL ask what your plans are, how you will provide... The main thing is be yourself, be confident, and make sure you explain how much their daughter means to you. GOOD LUCK!
I asked my wife without asking her father. When she told her parents that we were getting married, her dad said, "I haven't been asked yet." He was just kidding. I was close to them already. He kept offering me $500 and a ladder to elope. I don't know what the ladder was for, since they lived in a one story house. I didn't accept, but it worked out anyway. Over the past seven years, I've more than made up for it. Among the Christmas gifts every year is an envelope with $100 in it. And I got the ladder too. He left it here when he came up to help me work on our first house.
I asked my future father-in-law for permission, out of respect. I thought of it as a formality, mostly. He told me he'd pray about it and get back to me. That was stress-inducing. I got permission 2 days later. I don't remember how I broached it, except it was over the phone since we were living in different states.
My father-in-law didn't ask me how I'd provide...he said, "look, I know you guys won't starve...tell me where you are with God." I respected the hell out of that. I suspect even if I were an atheist I would have respected the hell out of that...given his beliefs, his primary concern was that his daughter be in a relationship with someone whom he believed would encourage a relationship with God. I was really impressed.
Forgot to mention my brother one-upped me when he got married. He had to travel to the middle of China to ask his fiance's father face-to-face.
I told you guys I would be coming back for more questions and here is one now: What is the difference between enhanced diamonds and ones that are not? Which is better to buy and why?
one word dude ELOPE seriously i didn't ask, and don't feel bad about it, just didn't feel needed or appropriate, maybe it's being the offspring of hippies, plus i wanted it to be a complete surprise and if had asked Mrs Smeg dad, just about everybody in the world would have known before i would have had the chance to ask her.
Asking for the father's blessing is a a good idea. I wouldn't buy "the" ring. Let her pick it. Give her a nice cz from target, and two and 1/2 (or 3) months salary in cash in the box under the velvet. let her see what that means. target has one that looks kind of like this... but better in the case for $ 69.00. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the image on their web site...so this is close. It's in a pretty black velvet box. I may be somewhat jaded because my wife returns everything I buy her for something else. SHE has to pick it out. It used to get under my skin...but hey, we made it this far. Two kids and 13 years later, I can hang. Diamonds are stupid shiny rocks. People lose them. It's the committment that counts. Being married is a big committment. You show that up front. It takes a lot of work to stay married. You've got to be good partners to make it work. I'm not the world's best or worst but I have a matured generosity and conduct limits defined by respect. You're going to share income and expenses for a long time...start off with trust on that buy.
