I respectfully disagree. Being the father of two girl's, nothing would show me more about a young man's character than for him to ask for her hand. Of course the decision will be hers to make, but it's the gesture that counts. Just my 2 pennies.
I was at my girlfriends house and she wasn't home yet. Her dad and I were sitting on the porch talking about sports. I decided this was a good time to do it. So I told him, "Ed, I'd like to marry your daughter". I could see his eyes start to well up. "I'd like you to be happy about it, but I love your daughter, and I would marry her regardless". Thats how I did it. I knew her father very well, though. I knew he would want me to say that. Every man is different. A lot of people have told me that their father-in-law would have thrown them out if they would have said that to him. My father-in-law thought what I said was perfect.
Depending on the father (parents) but most would appreciate you asking, some would feel hurt if you don't. Asking a father or a mother for their blessings is a sign of respect ...it is a nice gesture and being polite never hurts. You don't ask for their permission but for their blessings. I would say something along the line .... " I intend to ask your daughter for her hand in marriage and I would like to have your blessings." You want to ask in person if at all possible. It's an important occasion so do it at an appropriate place and time.
i'd say do it...it made me nervous as hell, but it won big brownie points with the in-laws...particularly if your in-laws are pretty traditional people, i'd say do it. i just came out and asked it...i told him upfront that i was somewhat uncomfortable, and he handled it very well.
But how would you feel if the young man asked for your blessing instead of your permission? Would you feel just as honored by that, or is that simply not good enough? To me, asking for a father's blessing seems like the proper, courteous thing to do. Asking flat out for permission, though, seems very old-fashioned and even a little bit disrespectful to the girl.
Take the father to a Rockets game. After a spectacular play, nudge him, and say, "Wasn't that awesome!?" He responds back with "Yea, that was AWESOME!" Then you say, "You know what else would be awesome?! When I marry your daughter, dude!" Give him a few seconds to let it soak in, then you ask him, "May I have your blessings?" Fool proof.
I was 27. I didnt ask the Dad. But the sister was getting married to the unemployed stoner guy who knocked her up at 17, so I knew that I looked like Golden Boy in comparison.
LOL.. that's great. The funny thing is that if you leave out the "dude" I can actually see that working.
Just do like you do everybody on the bbs - question him to death until he begs for mercy and is willing to marry you himself as long as you stop asking questions. I'm sure that'd work.
just to add my voice to the chorus.. It shows more about your character if you are man enough to ask for their blessing...or to even ask for permission. Which one you do depends on you and whether or not he is a traditional type of guy. good luck....
I feel that a stand up guy should always ask for the father's permission; regardless of age. Of course, if you accidentally get the girl pregnant, all gloves are off.
I did this whole thing in 2001. You'll be very nervous, so relax...it's ok. Because you'll be nervous, you'll find yourself just blurting it out. Just calmly ask him for his blessing in marrying his daughter. Do NOT make a long and flowery speech out of it. Do it in person. Best of luck.
well...thats downright old fashioned of you FFB....who would have guessed that underneath that brash exterior beats the heart of a gentleman? one slight deviation imo.......a true "standup" guy would always make sure to take precautions to not *accidently* knock her up in the first place. aint nothing worse than younguns that arent ready for the responsibility of children and the committment they bring to start breeding....
I've always been old-fashioned. Why do you think I got married because I got my future ex-wife pregnant? That said, if they are pregnant, asking the dad's permission is a little after-the-fact, and not necessary, because you don't want your child to think they were unwanted... (at least that's how I felt.) I still remember the jokes about my remarkable sperm's ability to crash through the walls of birth control. We used to say he was a little Luke Skywalker... "Stay on Target... (but their are wayyy too many obstacles) Stay on Target... (Sir! They'res no way we can breach!) Stay on Target..." You get the gist. It was funny at the time.
