No offense taken. This was his second stay in some kind of facility, but his first in one that was specifically oriented to substance abuse. Previously, he had spent about 6 weeks living a very rustic lifestyle in the mountains of West Virginia. I think that his parents are following guidelines laid out by the counselors to draw a firm line and not enable or tolerate any objectionable behavior. John is one of those "poor" kids with three exemplary brothers who are tough to live up to. He just can't grow up fast enough. I remember one time when I was visiting, John got a long-distance phone call. He took it and upon inquiry it was revealed that he had applied for a job in Philadelphia.... he was 14 years old! He didn't understand why he couldn't take it. I hope he is safe. I wish he were 22; I think he'd be past most of his frustrations with life. He's a bright, personable kid. I've seen him take over the microphone at age 12 at ComedySportz (?) and be very entertaining. Amazing really.
Professional drug counselors certainly know better than me. I hope everything works out, he sounds like a great kid.
I'll definitely keep him and your family in my thoughts. I hope he pulls through this thing alright. Good luck...
+ giddyup, As someone who has kicked a couple of addictions, and trying to kick one currently, I'd like to say that support from loved ones go a long way. When I say support, I don't mean saying "I'm here for you." One of the best things for me when I was younger was an uncle, who came over to my house, and just hung out. He acted like he was one of the guys, but also told me, he understodd what I was going through, and that if I needed any advice, he'd be there. I felt that here was an authority figure, and someone I respected, telling me that he knows what I'm going through, and that there is a better future. Good luck.
He's 16? Man, the kid would be confused whether he was in the Honor Society or the Banditos! Has his Dad (your brother?) spent a lot of time with him as he was growing up? I was just curious. With some kids, it doesn't really matter... they have problems that no amount of time, but perhaps meds and intensive counseling, can cure. But I think having a father around who is engaged with the child throughout his/her life growing up (not just when the problems start showing up... then you're playing catch-up and the odds are you never will. Catch up, that is.) makes a tremendous difference. The reason I ask is that I have a son who's close to 13. I couldn't be more pleased with him, but you never know. I fit the "Dad who's spent tons of time with kids since they were little" catagory. I hope, in our case, that it continues to make a difference. Maybe your story has me hoping what we've done is the right thing. I believe so, but until they grow up, how do you know for sure? I wish you and the parents luck with him. Has he been on meds at all? Maybe that would help. It sounds like it would be worth a try, if he hasn't already. One of my best friend's son has put them through hell. If I told you some of the things he did, you wouldn't believe it. He'll be lucky to stay out of prison. His parents face large legal bills as well as all the other bills that you get with trying to "save" a child. This is the "dark side" of being a parent. Those of us who are lucky enough to not experience it, at least not yet, should count our blessings. Again, I wish his parents, and you, well. You will need all the luck and hard work you can muster. And it still may not be enough.
He's 17 now; he had a December birthday. I don't know if he has been on meds, but he was in a pre-addiction counseling situation so I doubt it. Parenting has been very involved and excellent, although there is obviously a problem here. Three older brothers were solid, contributing kids. Still younger brother is following their lead. I think most of his problems are attitudinal (rejecting of authority) and recreational drug use is a symptom of that. It hasn't been going on long enough or regularly enough probably to develop into a problem of actual addiction. I reckon he has an addictiion-prone personality or something. Unfortunately, he's in Houston and I'm here in NC so any kind of regular intervention is impossible. Being half a continent apart for his entire lifetime, I'm not sure that I could have the kind of impact that I would want to
If it's any comfort, looking back, I realized that the smartest thing my parents ever did for me was knowing when to kick me out and when to take me back. It was harder for them to do the former than the later. And being a parent, I pray I don't find myself in the same situation I put my parents in, but if I do, I pray that I exhibit the same wisdom and strength. I'll be praying for their comfort, his safety and his vision.
Clearly, the parents have done an excellent job... shown by the way the other children are turning out. So had my friends I mentioned. You just never know, which makes being a parent such a tough job. It very well could be that he does need some sort of medication. Frequently, it's not realized until other avenues have been attempted, which seems to be the case here. If the boy (soon to be "adult", from the sound of it) has a chemical imbalance, perhaps meds are the way to go. I would try it in that situation, or get him checked out thoroughly to see if that's the case, I should say. That may have been done already, but I suppose you could ask... being close to the family as you obviously are. Children are such a touchy subject to talk about with their parents. Advice is not always appreciated, no matter how well intended. Again, good luck.
