Poll: 4 in 10 Americans say marriage becoming obsolete

I read somewhere that marriage is still popular among college graduates, but no so much among others.

 

career, makes you look stable

 

Marriage is unnecessary so long as you're honest and fair with your partner. For example, don't get with someone, have them become financially dependent on you with kids and whatnot, then simply leave them (which is possible since you aren't tied to them legally via marriage).

Unfortunately, I think many, many, many, many people are not honest or fair, so it's often a security blanket for one of the two people being married. Some way to get reparation if the other f**ks them over.

 

That's really it in a nutshell. It's a great institution...when it's done right. Problem is, it's so rarely done right these days. No wonder so many people are starting to lose faith in it.

Too many people are approaching it with a "my spouse is supposed to make me happy!!!11" POV instead of a "how can I make my spouse happy?" POV.

 

But why would nongraduates not marry other nongraduates? Is everyone looking for college graduates and won't settle for anything less?

 

Sacrifice is the hardest thing to ask for in a me-first society.

Not to knock on anyone, but I don't know how I'd be able to sacrifice for a kid(s) if I can't make sacrifices for the kid's mother. I might be able to fool myself later based on the circumstances, but I doubt I could fool the kid.

 

So marriage isn't as valuable to couples that don't want or can't have children?

 

That is why definition is vital-

When people say - until death do us part - usually they are going into marriage not a live in relationship.

The qualities of a healthy relationship between a father and mother are vital to children's health both mental and physical IMO.

Giving 'until death do us part' as the commitment and security basis is just as important to children. For example I have counseled many children who tell me their greatest fear is that their parents will fight, get angry or split.

These fears become the source of many unrelated insecurities and personality problems. (edit- I understand marriage in no way prevents these occurances, but it is designed to do just that)

That is just a small slice of the benefit to children from the commitment of a long term parenthood.

Of course if the parents are filling the home with strife, violence or some other destructive character this is also damaging and more so.

I just hold the opinion through personal experience that the marriage relationship carries a significant security and example in itself to children.

I don't think you have to call it 'marriage' if you keep the same characteristics- call it nuptial contract if you like. But the idea of lifelong partnership is positive and healthy for raising healthy children.

 

And mature, and can build relationships.

 

I don't think the stakes are near as high where there are only 2 adults and no children when a realtionship fractures (the value of marriage is certainly just as high to the couple, I certainly understand how much damage a divorce does)

I should have said that the benefits of being in a successful marriage increase greatly when having children.

 

I agree, I think there is significant efforts going on to strengthen marriage and help its success.

People reacting against getting married is certainly a result of marriage failures/problems.

 

this loses me...because i see monogamy as a choice.

 

Marriage implies monogamy to most people I think. Even though, I guess deep down, marriage is really just a contract that can include monogamy or not, depending on how the couple operates.

 

Do it for fun, your thoughts are always appreciated by this poster.

 

What's funny to me is me and my lady have been together 8+ years. Married people seldom ask us about marriage or the possibility of marriage or when marriage will happen but I'll be damned if unmarried or divorced people don't ask us those questions at least 5 times a day. What's up with that?

 

right...i'm just not sure i understand the argument that, "people aren't strictly monogamous."

there are people are strictly celibate. that's a choice they make. there are people who have a ton of sexual partners...there are people who have a few. there are people who have one. all of it seems in large measure to be a matter of choice. people aren't strictly monogamous...neither are people strictly polygamous...they are whatever they wish to be. whatever they choose to be.

 

I think more people are polygamous than they would like to admit.

And I also think we'd have a lot more healthy marriages and functioning homes if people stopped trying to conform to what other people tell them they should be doing as a couple.

 

I could not have said it any better, I agree 100%. All these kids today being raised by single mothers or grandparents just breaks my heart. It doesn't bother me so much when two adults want to just live together, but everything changes when children are involved.

It's a lot easier to say goodbye and walk out the door forever when you're not married, but that's not always a good thing.

 

Polls like this are useless in my opinion. It just depends who you ask and what their experiences are... or often... aren't.

I think there is no right answer to considering it to be obsolete or not. 4 out of 10 people can form some pretty ridiculous or brilliant opinions on just about anything.

It's not for everyone. It is for some. Some do it poorly. Some (most?) don't know what it is until they are in it, and many realize it's not for them, or not with whom they chose to be married. Not everyone shares the same ideal of what marriage is or should be. Not everyone agrees on what the purpose is... or what the roles are... or responsibilities should be.

Marriage is what you make of it.

Useless polls are useless.