Parenting Question: What Punishments is Acceptable?

Ironically enough I am, which makes my joke even funnier. :grin:

I was actually referencing me and Rocket Rivers convo in the previous thread lol

 

There is nothing wrong with sharing child rearing philosophies and experiences. It's one of the most important things we do as humans and there is great value in getting as much info and perspective as possible.

And...Sorry, but sometimes it is our (society) place to tell you (any indivdual) how to raise your kids. I would refer you to the thousands of child abuse horror stories. And for each one there's some parent who thought they were just exercising their parental rights.

 

I just call the cops and have them do it for me.

Honestly, I think it depends a lot on the child, the parent, and their relationship. Things that are effective with one child will be useless with another -- or with the same child at a different age.

When I was a kid, I was never spanked and never grounded. If I ever had toys taken or given a time-out, I was too young to remember it now. The only discipline I remember is the tone of disapproval in my parents' voice, and it was very effective. It would be laughable for me to suggest, however, that a disapproving tone is the punishment all parents should use on their children. It doesn't even work on my kids.

My oldest kid will go running if I start counting. The second one gives me a blank look. Timeouts don't seem very effective on either of them; they get more upset and disobedient and some other intervention usually is needed. The mere threat of a spanking usually gets the oldest's attention, whereas I haven't yet built the cred with the second. If I tap either on the butt, they shape up. A couple of times, my oldest has said, "that didn't hurt." I told her, "I can make it hurt if you want." She hasn't pushed it. If she gets to a stage where I do have to make it hurt, I'll probably do something else instead.

I'm not as quick as some (I suspect, childless) people to condemn the parenting of others, because I know children are different and respond to discipline differently. Some submit meekly while others rebel strongly. One thing I was shocked to discover when I became a parent -- though I knew it abstractly -- was that children are real, unique people with their own inherent personalities. Some kids will be Shane Battier and some will be Ron Artest. I doubt Adelman handled Battier and Artest the same.

 

I'm more of a traditionalist...I have an underground lair dug up in my backyard where the kids can spend years in if they get out of line.

 

I find, particularly as they get older, that taking away privileges works best.

no wii for a week works wonders. but i can't say that ten times fast.

 

Subjecting them to "That's no moon" posts would probably work as well.

 

Lettuce for you.

 

that's an excellent idea.

sometimes, i just look at my kids and say: "come on, fhqwhgads." they know exactly what that means.

 

When I was 12, I came home once from boarding school with my worst ever report card because I had been neglecting studying to play music.

My parents picked out a day (later when I thought it was all over ... I thought I was just going to get a stern rebuke), and my dad fashioned a special scourge for the occasion out of some old wires in his workshop. I got the whipping of a lifetime. It was an incredibly painful, maybe even traumatic experience. But that whipping changed my life. People today marvel that I grew up with ambition to achieve the career that I have now and I ended up getting the exact job I wanted since I was a kid. I credit my parents for it all. That whipping changed my life -- I never forgot it. I went back to school with uncommon focus and did not turn to one side or another until I graduated from college and achieved my goals.

Did I hate them for it? I probably did within the few minutes that it took for them to spank the nonsense out of me. But I can confidently say that I have never, ever had reason to doubt their love for me, no matter what the situation. I only pray that I can be as good a parent to my kids as they were to me.

 

I don't ever spank my kids other that a pat on the butt to get their attention. Kids learn by example. You do what's right and your kids will follow. Kids will be kids. If you try to control their behavior too much, they will just grow up jacked up or secretive.

 

With my two year old, positive reinforcement and spanking are both effective. If I start counting to three he knows he better listen, and it hasn't failed yet. I also buy him small toys if he behaves when we are out and about. He is certainly better behaved around me then he is around my wife.

 

Makes me think of my son and how counting gets his butt moving or when I ask him if he wants a spanking and he says "yes." Boy does he start running with his hands covering his behind when I start walking towards him. "Don't spank me daddy."

If the action warrants a spanking it comes so quick and swift, and is usually after he directly disobeys my warning to quit doing something.