Parenting Question: What Punishments is Acceptable?

Backhand to the mouth Sean Connery style, very effective...

 

My father only spanked me one time in my life, and that was when I was eight for hitting my female cousin. I never laid my hands on a women after that and my father never laid his hands on me again. I grew up to be quite respectful and considerate to other peoples.








My mother though did spank me at times. :grin:

As far as my children. My wife and I implement the good parent-bad parent routine, where we take turns punishing them. That way they understand what their do is wrong but don't feel ganged up on. The worse thing you can do is make a child feel like their alone. By taking turns punishing them, they won't grow to think one parent loves them more than the other. Working great so far..

 

I couldn't agree with this more. I think a lot of behavioral issues stem from the fact that kids either think they're much more important than they really are or, at the opposite end of the spectrum, they think no one cares about them.

 

My dad beat the crap out of me so I know that style doesn't work.

I have a 9 year old girl and a 7 year old boy.

I use trust, approval, love, reason, disappointment, and as a worst case scenario, shame.

Everyday I tell them both, "Always do what is right and always do your best." If we live by those 2 simple rules then everything else falls into place.

Tell them and show them that you love them everyday.

Always let them know you are proud of them.

Set boundaries from when they are young and stick to them.

Show them you trust them to do what is right and when they do something wrong, show your disappointment and teach them why what they did was wrong.

Realize as a parent that mistakes are different from doing something wrong.

Be fair but firm and always consistent.

Explain to them why things are the way they are even at a young age. Don't just say no, because I said so. Every no comes with a reason and kids can reason much earlier than you think they can.

Loss of privileges, TV, video games, sleepovers with friends etc have happened but most of all I've found that I laid a foundation and my kids don't want me to be disappointed in them or to do anything that leads to a lack of trust.

 

A thick leather belt on his bottom should be sufficient.

 

Parents without the correct knowledge or tools to raise a child will resort to beating "spanking" when things get difficult.. It's not the parents fault that they beat the kid, these type of parents just don't know any better and there is a huge problem with passing this type of child rearing down from generation to generation..

Any spanking that leaves ANY mark or bruise is unacceptable and counter productive IMO..

 

I have done many types of punishment, like a slap on the hand, wrist, bottom, etc., and even pinched the ear and pulled the hair up near the ear (I knew that hurt ME and made ME listen as a child). I guess anything that is not as painful as to cause marks or traumatize the child is all right, but not to be done so much that they get used to it or start liking it, because that would be worse .

As soon as I heard "well, that doesn't hurt at all", I stopped punishing like that and used a different tactic. With the older one, I'm sort of fighting an uphill battle because she's close to her teens and anything I say is WRONG in her world. She'll come around. She usually finds out Mrs. SwoLy and I were right the hard way.

LOL! I wonder what the "corning" is in your house.

 

I can't believe Sir Swoly didn't correct the grammar of the title. I was sure he'd punish for that with an extra emoticon.

Others have stated how I feel in here, but I might pose the question... acceptable to whom?

In this age of enlightened politically correctness , and mass media, what people find acceptable personally is sometimes not in line with what the collective would accept and support/decry publicly.... and most of it has to do with how we view and judge others or worry about how we are viewed and judged (and punished ourselves), rather than strictly based on what is right.

Maybe it's a bit like the rules for protecting the Quarterback in the NFL. Taking extra measures in protecting them makes sense and is necessary and good, yet it's gone so far that now often times those that would 'discipline' the QB, in what most would privately say are acceptable ways, are treated as pariahs and not allowed to implement their 'authority' due to overzealousness, and are themselves disciplined for trying to do their job properly, potentially creating a lack of confidence and failure. And the QB's know it.

Ok, I don't know if that came across or not, but basically I'm saying an edited this

is part of the problem.

 

Kid screws up, you throw him on the ground and put a knife to him.

I'd take pleasure in guttin you...boy.


He'll straighten up.

 

Good advice with one small edit.

 

My dad knew only the belt. And I knew that belt personally until the 10th grade, sometimes on a weekly basis. It did not make me a better person. In fact I grew up so angry, and was aware of it, that I didn't dare have kids myself for fear of repeating dad's idea of child rearing.

So I'd say "pass" on the belt.

I wonder if I'd be half as good a father as I am an uncle though. :grin:

 

Put me in the "violent punishment doesn't work" camp. I was whipped pretty violently with a belt for a long time. And then one day I decided I wasn't going to take it anymore and took a picture off a wall and threatened to use it to inflict injury on my whipper.

I was never whipped again, my relationship with my mother got significantly better, and I am one of the most disciplined people you'll ever know.

 

I would also add that people both pro and con on physical punishment often give it too much weight. Assuming we're not talking about beatings that leave marks, I don't think it matters much whether parents use physical punishment or not.

What is far, far more important is consistency and follow through. If you give your child a direction you MUST enforce it and it must be complied with in a timely manner. If they disobey you or misbehave there MUST be a consistent reasonable consequence.

Of course, it goes without saying that all of this takes place within the context of a loving and warm relationship with your children.

 

Sorry to disappoint you, sir. It's Rocket River. I still has some respect for him. I know he black.

But I do agree that we are so darn protective now of kids, we don't even let them walk alone down our own streets and get mad at ourselves 'cuz the CPS comes as soon as we scream at them. I know it's going along those lines. One of my neighbors tells the story of how when she was living in another neighborhood, some lady said to the court one time about her spanking her kids: "if you're going to be stopping me about how I raise my child, then next time she misbehaves I am going to bring her to you and drop her off so you can discipline her however YOU want..." :grin: To some extent, she's right about that.

 

Let me be clear that I'm not against physical punishment, I'm against violent physical punishment. Parents who whip their children violently and seek to inflict serious pain are doing the wrong thing whether they are trying to help the kid or not.

 

I would have Tased you fo' sho'

 

Rocket River would have come after you. Only if you were a cop though.

 

IRT this whole thread...Sorry, not my place to tell you how to raise your kids, and not your place to tell me how to raise mine.

 

I totally agree with that.