You realize I'm not the OP, right? Just checking... But anyway... I hear this. Really. I realize it's not all that fun to date somebody who works as much as I do. But here's the thing: somehow I ended up being thoroughly socialized into the man-as-provider... er... societal role, I guess. I'm very family-oriented, even though I don't actually have a family yet. If I was gonna live my life alone, I'd be a high school English teacher. But I don't plan on living life alone, and the teacher gig is not only long hours and lots of stress, but it pays less than half what I'm making right now. Fine and all for myself, but I picture myself with kids someday. And I want to be able to spoil those kids rotten and send them to the best damn universities in the country. Not only that, but I'd like to be able to support a partner who doesn't make a ton of money themselves. I want to be able to offer them that sort of opportunity (and I want them to appreciate it instead of taking the cash and sleeping around). I want that person to be understanding enough to where they can look at the big picture. My ex didn't give a damn about the future. I told her straight-up: "hey, the next 6 months are gonna suck really bad. But after that I'll have more time, and it'll be all good." I meant that. She said she understood, but she really didn't. The only reality she could fathom was right here, right now. She couldn't comprehend that I took on the project I did for her future, not mine. She was just pissed that I was tired all the time. Which, of course, she didn't bother communicating to me until it was too late. Honest to god, it's this simple: I'm at my happiest when I'm giving to people I love, and I'm only too ready to make any kind of sacrifice for those same people. And that's the quality that's led to so many bad women, as well as throwing away money on druggie friends who really are lost causes, but I can't resist trying. In short, I'm a sucker. Which is why, at the moment, I'm gonna stick with my 60 hours. Build up that college fund. Meanwhile I'm gonna see if I can find any interesting women who are *gasp* not clingy, who are independent, and who don't try to appeal to my desire to treat them like goddesses. If I find someone who can handle that, then I'll crank back the hours. And hey, if they make enough, maybe I'd do the teaching thing. That's the plan, currently. Whaddaya think?
what I want to know is - why in the hell would any decent looking chick have to resort to this? other than that I have no problem. Just hope your standards arent too high.
I don't know if you're a sucker, but if you enable your friends or kill them with kindness despite whatever they've done, you'll end up in a position where it's hard for them to respect you because to them, you're not respecting them. Saying no might be the best way even if it pains you to say it. Anyways, you're fortunate because you have good choices that aren't bad answers. Your non-ideal career pays good money. If you stick to it, then find out where you think you'll be at in the next 5 years (even if you don't plan on working 5 more years), and what talents are your strengths. If you're a player with unique talents, you can find jobs where you'll dictate the hours you'll work while keeping a good title. It's not the greatest situation, but you get your time back for the most part and probably learn some more things to take along. I hope the fairer sex can weigh in on this, but I think when women formulate that impression of who they're dating with, they generate a general idea of where things will lead. So if you tell them that you'll change careers or plan to, it creates a level of uncertainty that effects their impression of your identity. It's not that far a stretch if a good portion of your conversation is your job. If you're targeting the future-minded aspect of women, that uncertainty doesn't jive too well with them. So in my opinion, if you dated around with your career as a prospective English teacher, you start keeping relationships with women who are great with dating English teachers. I don't believe that you should put a strong emphasis on banking an entire college fund or earning a large chunk of it only to save it. Despite best laid plans, nothing, especially money, is certain. Another friend might come in need, you could get swindled, you could get sued for all you're currently worth, or some other mishap could derail your college fund. It's nice and all, but high school teachers have sent their kids to college without one that large and that early. Enjoy yourself. The college fund idea, where you are now, is beyond the 10% rule. Personally, I'd need more reasons to sacrifice 20 more hours/week for an unforseen fund that isn't certain. But that's just me who came from a household who saved and sacrificed now for the expense of an unknown tomorrow. Finally, I'm not really sure why you're too concerned with money problems. You're hard working, and working at a managerial position at a well known company shows you have a good degree of intelligence. As a teacher, you'd have every summer off to decide what you want to do with that free time. If you stuck to your current job, at some point you could be thinking about starting your own business or a consulting gig. So if little Drexlerfan23 bankrupted you, then is it a stretch that you'd have the talent to make more money?
i didn't read the whole thread but i think it is totally acceptable in this day and age. 3-4 yrs ago, i would've been skeptical, but now, i think it's great. def seems more efficient from the stories i've heard.
You've never met my boss' fiancee. Wow. Last week at a company dinner in LA I sat one person down from her. I kept thinking, "He found HER on-line??????" Not only that, she's cool as hell. You can set high standards for your online dating experience, but patience is your truest friend. I agree with most, online dating is absolutely acceptable.
Interesting points. The first one--about killing them with kindness--I'm acutely aware of. Which is why, just in the past year in fact, I've finally put up my hands. I did all I could for those people, and I'm not throwing any more away. They can deal with their own problems. That's a bigger step for me than you might think. I somehow managed to grow up as the only one in my little circle of friends who isn't a drug addict, an alcoholic, a criminal, or an irresponsible, burn-out failure. It hurts like hell not to take an active hand anymore in all that, but I can't make everyone's problems my own. I've only just started to realize that. Yeah, fortunately that's not something I'm worried about. All those years of destroying myself with work have made me... absurdly marketable. I just haven't bothered to look, really. I suppose I should do that. Or I could try really insisting that my current employers back off of me a little bit. I'm just not used to rocking the boat at work. That makes some sort of sense. Problem is I've never been terribly scientific in my selection of women. It seems to me like a lot of people have a little checklist of all the qualities their perfect mate would have; I don't have one. Not a clue. Kinda wish I did. I don't know if my perfect lady is a high-powered business woman, a low-key housewife, or an eccentric artist. And if it turns out to be one of the latter two, then I'm not really planning on being an English teacher. You dig? Truth be told, all things being equal, if I'm only living for myself, I'm an English teacher. BUT, I'm not so in love with the idea that I'd be disappointed if it didn't happen. Honestly. My bottom line is that I may not care much about money, but I care that my future family has money. If I do the English teacher thing, I feel like I'd be cutting off all the artists and housewives as possibilities. Time value of money, man. A dollar saved today is an assload of dollars saved in 30 years. From a... business perspective, if you will... having the big-money job now rather than later makes a lot more sense. I dunno. That's kinda the only goal I have right now, ya know? I'm really goal-oriented. I like to work towards something. If I'm not working for my future family, what the hell am I doing with myself? I'm cursed with believing neither in god nor hedonism. Only helping others. That's my religion. I have no idea where I picked up that belief system, but it's unfortunately mine. The idea of just "enjoying myself" honestly seems odd to me. I mean, I know what I like to do for fun and all that, day-to-day. But it seems like an empty purpose to me. Makes me feel hollow. I'm happier (literally, as in smiling more, haha) when I'm working towards a long-term goal that revolves around helping others, whether those be physical people or hypothetical people. I suppose I should join the Peace Corps. Yeah, I don't know. I suppose I should be a little more cavalier about money matters. I just like to create as much financial certainty as it's possible to create, because... again with the long-term goals. I feel like my biggest purpose in life is the security and happiness of those hypothetical people. F'd up set of values. I don't know. I had a real strange childhood. God damn, I wrote way too much. You know what? Here it is, my entire life's philosophy and belief system in a can. I really believe this is the root of most of my issues: There is no god. There is no higher purpose. Meaning is arbitrarily assigned by us, and I somehow got it into my head that my purpose is to make other people happy. That's my life's goal. That's my personal "meaning of life." That's the premise I've been operating under for a long-ass time. Except, that's obviously a problem. It's a crap philosophy, simply because my happiness depends on the happiness of other people I haven't even met yet. I realize that it makes no sense when I write it down, or say it. But somehow it's the only thing that makes sense in my head. Don't know how I'm supposed to change that. ...does any of that make any kind of sense to anyone but me? Probably not. I'm bats**t crazy, I know.
Are you trying to say that no one who is married should have an opinion on this? Well, FoRgIvE Me, mister connoisseur. I met her during a parade. We were in a school organization and didn't start dating until I asked her out and courted her a few months later. She did NOT approach me. I never call anyone specifically any names, but YOU, sir, are a dumb ass for your uneducated hypothesis. Dumb and Dumber! What do I win? That's the way to do it. I see you're trying to meet MANY people, regardless of where. If you EXCLUSIVELY do online crap, you're lazy. ima_drummer, just go on about living your life... just go to work or school, work out or play some basketball, stay healthy, eat plentiful, go to church if you don't already, and talk to your friends, go out, etc. You don't have to "LOOK" for that special someone, they will come... that's not being lazy. See, if you only live to DATE, you will never find your partner for life because you will continue to compare people... that's not the way to live. I wasn't looking and I found mine... we have our ups and downs, but I never regret finding her.
Sure, it's acceptable. This isn't 10 years ago where you meet some random person in a chatroom who may not even be the gender he/she/it is claiming to be. Current dating sites have detailed profiles, tons of photos(do be wary however of ones that only offer closeups of the face), and will cost you less to use for an entire month than a single bar tab will run you. And speaking of which, I agree there are crazies online and you have to be careful who you meet and who you let into your life(especially if you're a single parent), but it's not like there aren't nutcases at a gym or bar or grocery store.
Really though, who cares what other people think of online dating? If you really want to do it, then just do it. You can do and get just about everything else on the internet nowadays so its only fitting that you can pick up women online too.
I don't think its pathetic, but I can say I was less than successful with it. The guys that it matched me up with were of course sports lovers and athletes because that's something I am interested in... however they were also what I call "players" and interested only in getting something out of a "relationship" rather than putting something into it... if you catch my drift. The one problem I found on there is people trying a little too hard to be what they think other people want. My experience was different than several people I know who met and in fact married people that they met on Eharmony. lol so maybe it's just me.
I forgot to mention that I met one of my exes on Migente.com a long time ago...we swapped notes back and forth then one day it stopped and I forgot about him. A couple of months later, I met him at a club and we figured out that we talked on the site. We were together probably for a few months until he moved back to NYC and I haven't spoke to him since. The social networking websites can be a good thing if you are not looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend.
Wow. Are you sure you didn't mean to post this in the Twilight Zone thread? We’ve gone around about this before, but your bizarre opinion on this topic never ceases to amaze me. I just can't get past it. According to your “logic”, if you look for a mate, you are being lazy. But if you DON’T look for a mate, you’re not. Man, my head is spinning trying to figure this one out. Amazingly enough, I managed to join EHarmony and meet my wife - while STILL having the time to hold down a 9 to 5, play in a band on weekends, play at church every Sunday, go out with my friends, spend time with my family, post on Clutchfans, etc. etc. etc. etc. I had no idea that the 15 to 20 minutes a night I spent replying to her email amounted to me "living to date"... So I guess that, even though my wife and I couldn’t be happier together and are now expecting our first child, it’s all meaningless because we didn’t meet at a parade….
When did I say you were lazy because you didn't look for a mate? I am glad your head is spinning. You're having a DATING SERVICE do the work for you when you can easily meet people and talk like you're a normal "living" person otherwise. LAZY.
I know plenty of hot girls who do online dating because it allows them to be more selective and not have to deal with random idiots at bars/clubs slobbering all over them.
ima_drummer, you work for eHarmony, don't you...? Maybe you can find more people here who are "perfect candidates"...! That LAZY ass Clutch, making a BBS for people to talk about the ROCKETS... the nerve!
