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Old Friend with MAJOR Injury: What Should I Do?

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by giddyup, Jul 28, 2010.

  1. giddyup

    giddyup Contributing Member

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    Over the 4th of July weekend, an old college friend of mine fell off his deck and has been left paralyzed from the neck down. It is considered irreversible. We used to play in a noontime basketball game together off and on for years. I haven't seen him for a decade or more now as he moved into a rural area in a county north of here.

    Does someone in his situation want visitors? I would imagine that he is battling all kinds of demons. Would it be more helpful or harmful to show up out of his past and want to lend support?

    It's been hard to find out how he's doing as most of us who knew him find ourselves in the same predicament: out of touch with him for years.

    Anyone ever crossed this bridge before?
     
  2. Pull_Up_3

    Pull_Up_3 Member

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    Reminds me of Rodney Rodgers,

    Im sure it would be more helpful than harmful seeing an old friend you can maybe cheer him up with your visit.
     
  3. MoBalls

    MoBalls Contributing Member

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    So you didnt call him or check in on him for over 10 years? I'm sure he would enjoy your visit.
     
  4. Xerobull

    Xerobull You son of a b!tch! I'm in!
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    You should go. He might not want people around now, but he will appreciate it in the long run.
     
  5. Rockets Red Glare

    Rockets Red Glare Contributing Member

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    I was reunited with a friend of mine I had not seen for years and a few months later he was paralyzed in a motocross accident- so very similar situation. I know my friend welcomed all visitors so definitely go visit him, you will be happy you did.

    That seems to be one if the worst injuries imaginable. My friend has limited use of his bicep and tricep muscles and nothing else. He describes the situation as he is just a floating head. Good luck to your friend some people do regain some movement, early on it is hard for the doctors to know unless the spinal cord is completely severed.
     
  6. giddyup

    giddyup Contributing Member

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    Aren't you a bright ray of sunshine?! :(
     
  7. rocketsjudoka

    rocketsjudoka Contributing Member
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    Check with his family to see if he is in a condition to see visitors and if wants to see visitors.
     
  8. bobrek

    bobrek Politics belong in the D & D

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    By all means, go visit him. Don't let the fact that you haven't seen him in 10 years dissuade you in any way. After my father passed away, I heard from and sought out people I haven't seen in much longer than 10 years and I was extremely appreciative (as were they).

    Granted, folks are different and he may feel differently, but let him make that decision, not you.

    Good luck, and best wishes and prayers to your friend.
     
  9. giddyup

    giddyup Contributing Member

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    The only family I know is his wife-- met her once. She must be overwhelmed, but I think this is the best way. I'm sure at some time, someone like me will be a welcome visitor; I just don't know if that time is now.

    I asked my brother who is an MD and he said "I don't know.... all I can imagine is being depressed..."

    I asked another friend who is a Psychologist and he suggested going through the wife as well, so that's probably what I'll do.

    BTW, my Psychologist friend (who also knows the guy a little bit but had not heard the news) made me pledge that if something like that ever happened to him that I would just leave him in his backyard to die....
     
  10. Rocketman95

    Rocketman95 Hangout Boy

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    i had a childhood friend suffer a similar injury as we was driving home from college freshman year to go with us to prom. we weren't nearly as close when the accident happened (his girlfriend and mine were best friends at the time), but i went to see him a few weeks after and he just enjoyed the company. we sat and chatted as i, and this sounds a little weird, caressed his hair. his family indicated he enjoyed being able to feel that and it comforted him when people would do that.

    i would recommend getting in touch with the wife about seeing him. i'm guessing he'd very much enjoy it.
     
  11. Deckard

    Deckard Blade Runner
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    Sorry to hear about your friend. I'm sure he'd like a visit, but check with family first. And if you see him, for god's sake, just leave politics out of the conversation.
     
    1 person likes this.
  12. MoBalls

    MoBalls Contributing Member

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    Just saw this.....sorry Giddy! :grin:
     
  13. BoomTown

    BoomTown Member

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    If i were you I would go for a short period of time. Just stop by and let him know that your thinking of him. He may seem bothered by visitors, but im sure he appreciates it on the inside.
     
  14. Bogey

    Bogey Contributing Member

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    It varies, I bet there are good days and bad days. That's why it is best to check with the family. They might be able to let you know before, hey today isn't good, can you please come another day.

    I was laid up in the hospital (granted for only a week) and there was times when I just wanted to be alone. Family was in there and didn't have the heart to even tell them to leave, so even if you do go, make sure you don't overstay your welcome. He might want you to stay longer just try and take hints from him on how he feels.
     
  15. giddyup

    giddyup Contributing Member

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    No problem. I understand the comfort of gallows humor. It's just not possible to keep up with everyone that crosses your life's path. John was one of those guys for me but he was a heckuva guy and, perhaps, now I feel a little guilty.

    I can't make much difference for him now but I want to be in the loop in the event that there are fundraising efforts-- which, knowing John, I suspect there might be. He lived simply and enjoyed living.

    John stood about 6'4" and he bought my ex-wife's Canary Yellow Honda Civic along about 1981. He kept that thing running for years (I don't know how) with his head pressing against the ceiling of the car.
     
  16. Lady_Di

    Lady_Di Contributing Member

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    That is terrible. :( Like others said, it is best to ask his wife.
     
  17. pippendagimp

    pippendagimp Member

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    most definitely go to see him.
     
  18. bnb

    bnb Contributing Member

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    Contact him to let him know you're thinking of him. This means more then you can imagine.

    I'd check with his wife about visiting just yet. They may be in the midst of chaos just now. But certainly contact him.

    Damn. Falling off a deck. Crazy.
     
  19. giddyup

    giddyup Contributing Member

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    Found a phone number and called it while I had the nerve. No one answered so I wrote his wife a note and am dropping it in the afternoon mail.

    It was kind of overwhelming to hear his voice on the voicemail. I tried Googling his name for news and, ironically, the only results was a $40,000 kitchen and living room remodeling permit from April. I hope they had not started the work. John was the kind of guy who would have done it himself.
     

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