In a sense. I think it most married guys have had several relationships (I know I have) and have seen the trials and tribulations involved. We have also seen a relationship reach the ultimate stage. It's just another perspective.
Thanks for the advice, guys. The main thing that's bothering me is I don't know what happened, and why so suddenly. I either need to find out what's going on, or I need closure. Heh, reminds me of that old Seinfeld episode. I really have no problem with the friend zone, as some of you are referring to. Before everything happened, that's all we were, was friends...I had none of these feelings about her. It's almost like I have to know someone's interested in me, before I can be interested in them. My biggest fear of this whole thing <i>is</i> losing her as a friend. Also, I really don't think the ex has much to do with anything. It's not like she talked about him all the time, just that one conversation. She told me in that same conversation that she was basically ready to meet someone. And she does already know that I haven't been in many relationships, so she knows I'm pretty new at this. The roses thing probably wouldn't work on her. She is not a 'girly-girl' type at all, and it doesn't seem like she values material posessions like that very much. She also told me that she hates when people pay for her stuff all the time, unless it's a gift for a special occassion or something. That was one of the things she hated about her ex when they were together, is he never let her pay for anything, so she always felt like she owed him. I knew this when I offered to pay for her lunch that one time, but that's just because I'm the same way...I always feel like I have to pay people back somehow, so I couldn't help but offer. Anyway, I think I'll just try to talk to her and figure out the problem. Thanks again to everyone, I'll keep you posted.
There is definitely a time to be sensitive, and trying to get an iffy girl to like you is not one of them. Different recipes for different dishes. There is a big difference between being married and dating. I think you will actually find that people who are married tend to know less about how to pick women up because they have been out of the game for so long. I'm not saying DieHard should be an a$$ to her or anything. I am just saying that talking to her about feelings before you have even kissed her is going to scare her. You have to be passionate to attract a girl, not analytical. Women do not like that until after the passion. Talk about the passion. Great song - REM if you want to download it.
I'm with Khan and Grouper. Girl is treating you bad. Part your fault. Respect yourself, your time. You tell her it's ok to take your time, attention and feelings cheaply. It's not. All those things have value. She can play with you again when she's fun. She's no fun right now. Don't be afraid to tell her that . Remember to laugh when you say it, 'cause. it is kind of funny. People want things light and fun in a young romantic relationship. Too serious is a downer. You need friends to have a few laughs, and romantic "friends" to enjoy romantic play. If you Can't Laugh, don't chat.
I would bet that the ex does matter (at least a little and probably more than she knows or is willing to admit). There isn't much you can do about an ex though. If ever a woman tells you that she is "ready to meet someone", red lights need to flash in your head, bells need to ring, and you need to act on it. Roses always work. Remember giving her roses is a sign of your affection for her (and not to get her attention). BTW, if she tells you that she does not want to date you, don't give her roses. BTW, a lot guys spend money on women expect favors in return. You may not be like this. But she may have run into this type of guy and is wary of money spent on her. There are worst things in life than going dutch (or alternating who pays for the date). Good luck and remember to give her those free Super Bowl tickets
Hey DHR... out of curiousity, how mature do you think this girl is? I may be completely wrong, but I've seen this happen before, with people who didn't really know each other. Girl enjoys hanging out with the guy, goes out with him a couple of times... then starts talking about him with her friends. How well do you know her good friends? The reason I ask is that I read where you said you didn't really talk to the girl before this year. If you don't know her friends, and you aren't "mr. popular", there may be a chance that once she started to tell all of her friends about you that they told her that she could do better/go after someone else, etc. It sounds bad, but I've seen it happen before, particularly with girls that aren't that mature. If she gives you a bull**** excuse, it may be a possibility. Whatever you do, just do it casually. I wouldn't try to press her into talking about her feelings or something... it's obvious that she's upset about something, so the best way to deal with it is to joke around and have fun, so that she's relaxed. That's the time to approach her.
Well, I can tell you that she's certainly not immature. There's nothing I don't like more in a girl than one that goes around talking about others flaws all the time. She's a lot more mature than the majority of teenagers around. The only good friends of hers that I know are the guy I've known for a while, and her best friend that she got together last year. And then there's the guy that told me about her liking me...but when he told me, it wasn't that much of a surprise to me. I really don't think it bothered her knowing that I knew how she felt. Back to the guy though...I've known him for a few years now, and we've had classes together but thats about it. I doubt he would have told her anything bad about me. She does have quite a few guy friends, maybe even more than girls, but most of them are guys she's known for a while now, and pretty much treat her like another one of the guys. She does seem like a tomboy when you first meet her, but after you know her for a while not as much. pasox, I wouldn't say she is treating me bad at all. It's pretty much both ways right now, it's just real awkward. We haven't done or said anything to be mad at each other, or treat each other wrong.
Dhr, approach her in a good way, dont pressure her to talk ive seen this happen before at girls hateee it. Like Cat said, she could of had a change of heart because 1 of her friends said she could do better.. Try and sweet talk her and get into the conversation ask her in a gentleman kind of way.. good luck
DHR, There have been many good posts in this thread and I think that Cat might be onto something. A couple of things that stood out to me in reading your initial post: 1) The ex-boyfriend situation - I know that you said that she didn't talk about him too much but I doubt that you will truly know if that relationship was a damaging one to her. I also hate to say this but she may have been using you as "off the rebound" type thing. I got mixed up with a girl who was engaged to get married and her fiance broke the engagement off like within 3 weeks of the wedding. Needless to say, that girl had some issues with getting involved in relationships (fortunately for me that thing fell apart because I discovered she was using me big time). 2) Don't ever estimate how much power her father has over her. After meeting you, the father may have some unfair impressions of you and could be very protective. I know this is a longshot because it seems like when that is the case that drives the girl to the guy but maybe not in your example. 3) I know that a lot of people will laugh when they read this, but I got a book by a guy named Rom Wills called something like "Players and Nice Guys: How to Become the Man Women Want" (that may not be the exact title but it is close to it). In this book, Wills gives all kinds of tips and info that all guys need to know about women. One of the first and most important things, according to Wills, is that the woman chooses the man. He even goes further to say that if a woman really likes a man, she will keep sending signals to him until "he gets it". Now, why do I tell you this? Well, it sounds like she was definitely flirting with you and maybe she was trying to get you to kiss her. However, I am saying (or better yet Rom is saying) that if she really likes you that she will give you another chance. But it might be good to back off for a while (which you have but not by design) and then after a week or so, give her a call back. One bad thing that you have to consider, DHR: girls that are 16 to even up 22 are very flighty . It is not uncommon for them to be hung up on one guy one week and then a completely different one the next week. Oh and whoever said (it might have been Relativist) that if you really want to remain friends with her that you, DHR have to mean it in your heart rings true. Trust me, as I have had experience on this....if you still feel something romantically for a girl and say you want to be friends, you are just asking for all kinds of a world of hurt.
Let me clear that up real quick. She broke up with him <b>last February</b>, it seems that some thought it was a real recent breakup and she could be just using me to get back at him. I'm not discarding that as a possibility, but I'm pretty sure that 9 months later isn't an off the rebound or get back at him type of thing. I'm sure that relationship did hurt her, and it might have been somewhat damaging, but I think she would have gotten back at him a little sooner if she had really wanted to.
Have you tried grabbing things on her body? It has never worked in the past for anyone I've known, but that doesn't mean it's not worth trying. However, I would not try this move a church. One last thing, find a type of alchohol that she likes. Many people on this board will atest to that method.(drink some yourself as well)
