Those delayed reaction jokes weren't very funny, so how about we tell some normal jokes... This native american has just married a caucasian girl from the city. On their honeymoon, the caucasian girl asks the native american to make love to her. The native american replies, "me no know how to make love." So, the caucasian girl takes the native american out to a hole in a tree, and teaches him the art of making love. She tells him to practice and come get her when he's ready. A week later, the native american climbs down from the tree, runs to his wife, and exclaims "me ready to make sweet love to me bride!" So the caucasian girl climbs on to the bed to get ready, while the native american runs to the closet to get a broom. The native american shoves the broom up you know where and starts moving it around. The caucasian girl, in pain, yells, "what the hell are you doing?" The native american replies, "me check for bees!" This man has just been laid off from work. Distraught, he goes to a bar and asks for every drink the bartender knows how to make. The bartender, noticing that something is obviously wrong, asks the man to play some "bar football" to cheer him up. The man, with nothing better to do, agrees. The bartender goes on to tell the man the rules of the game. You down a shot of scotch to score the touchdown, and pull down your pants and pop out a fart for the extra point. So the bartender goes, ok, you can go first. So the man downs the shot of scotch, pulls down his pants and pops out a fart. "OK, 7-0" the bartender says, "my turn now." So the bartender downs the shot of scotch for the touchdown, and pulls down his pants to pop out his fart. Before he could score the extra point however, the man yells "I blocked the field goal, I blocked the field goal!"
A guy walks into a bar with his dog. He sits at the bar with the dog in his lap and orders a drink. The bartender tells him that any trouble from the dog and he's outta there. The man assures the bartender that the dog is specially trained and wanted to watch the football game on TV at the bar. The Dallas Cowboys kick a field goal and the dog jumps onto the bar, and runs down the bar giving a high five to every one sitting at the bar. The bartender is amazed. "That's great!!! What does he do when they score a touchdown?" The man replied: "I don't know. I've only had the dog for 3 years."
I don't get it. (notice the wink.) Have you heard the one about the chicken and the road? Its really funny.
okay, almost all my jokes are dirty, so if you're under 18, keep scrolling.... Super Man's day off: one day, super man finally got a day off. he didn't have to save the world, he didn't have to write articles under the surname of clark kent, he didn't have to fight that luger character; he was off. but super man works so damn much, he didn't even know what to do with his time. he didn't know how to have fun. so he got out his address book and began to look up his super hero friends to see what they were doing... first he called up spider man. no answer. he says "hell, i'll go over to that crazy arachnid's house and see if he's there." so he flies on over to spidey's house and gets no answer at the door. he looks in the window and sees spider all dangling from his web on the ceiling asleep. "dammit," say superman, "oh well, i'll go see what captain america's doing. so he flies right on to the captain's house and sees an note on the door "OUT SAVING THE COUNTRY." superman was getting irritated. but then he realizes that he's right by wonder woman's house. he thinks to himself "man, i haven't had any of that wonderpus*y in quite awhile" so he flies over to her house and sees her out back on the deck by the pool, completely naked and laying in a deck chair with her legs spread. "hmm," thought superman, "i bet it i flew down there as fast as a speeding bullet and screwed her real quick, i could fly off before she even knew what was happening." so he does just this, and flies off satisfied. as he ascends to the sky, he hears wonder woman exclaim "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?" and then the invisible man's voice replied "I don't know, but it sure hurt my a$s"
Hey lil...why didn't you just call it a injun joke? Kind of defeats the purpose to call them native americans when you have them speaking like Tonto Here's one: A woman in a very crowded nightclub is waiting at the bar for a drink. After trying to get the bartender's attention for what seems like a dozen times, she starts to get frustrated -- he has been serving people that have come to the bar long after she. Finally, she starts giving the bartender flirty glances, and blows a kiss to him. He immediately comes over to her and asks if he can buy her a drink. But instead she just asks where the bathroom is...he gives her directions and she heads that way. A few minutes later she returns to the bar, and starts giving the bartender the same flirty looks and beckons him toward her. She reaches over and puts her arms on his chest. She asks, "What's your name?" "Glenn," he replies. "Well, Glenn, is your manager around?" She puts her arms around his neck. Glenn tells her that the manager stepped out. By this time she is running her fingers through his hair and caressing his face. "Could you do me a favor and give him a message when you get back?" She now is putting her fingers in his mouth for him to suck on... Stupefied, the bartender nods his head. "When he gets back, could you tell him that the ladies restroom is out of toilet paper?"
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs. (real old one coming up) A country boy is sent by his parents to go get one of the family cows impregnated. He takes the cow to a neighboring farm which owns a bull. The boy sits on the fence and watches, along with the neighboring farmer's daughter, to make sure the bovines do their thing. They... get their freak on, and seeing it makes the boy feel all those teenage hormones, especially as he is there with a beautiful young lady. He can't think of any good pick-up lines to use on her, so he just says, "I sure wish I was doing that." She answers, "well, go ahead. It's your cow."
Kwik very rarely do i laugh out loud when reading the BBS but you have succeeded in making me do that for the second time ever. ...too funny. (the other time was rockHeads redneck pictures thread)
Not sure if I'm getting this one. Maybe I'm thinking too much into it. OK, I'm stealing one from dumb & dumber, but you guys have probably all heard it before. What do you get when you cross breed a bulldog with a sh*tzu? A bullsh*t. Yes I know, very old , but it's a classic.
I'll just post a classic: Who is Jack Schitt? The Lineage Revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt. Now, when someone say's you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.
What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner? A drunk runs a stop sign, a stoner waits for it to turn green.
to borrow one from George Carlin:"Why do farmers **** their sheep on the edge of cliffs? So they'll push back....
Guy walks into a bar and orders six shots of whiskey. Bartender sets him up and he downs them all one after the other. Bartender ask's the guy " Whats the occasion?" Guy replies"First BJ" Bartender says" Well hell man, let me set you up with another shot on the house" Guy replies " No thanks, If six doesn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will"
