Go with her to babysit! If she has a problem with that, then she is hiding something. Old lady Paige- "Oh but Mr. Paige it would make things uncomfortable" Mr. Paige- "Don't you think this makes ME uncomfortable" OLP- "I never thought of it like that...come hither and make love to me near the guinea pig" Ya know I'm SAG too, Paige
Man, some of you guys have really odd views on relationships. Is it a maturity thing? I don't know. In general, my wife's best friends are male and she spends time with them like any other friends. In general, my best friends are female. It is not a problem because we are both mature and respect/trust each other. I don't distrust her male friends because I don't have to - I trust her. Their motives are meaningless, unless it is something like rape...but that is a whole different issue, anyway. Besides, she is not an idiot and does not have nasty, mean, whatever friends. Oh yeah, one of her better friends and one of my better friends are both ex-relationships...so we certainly don't have issues with the past. Oh well.
I always imagine the worst with just about everything, so yeah, there's usually a lil concern in the back of my head, but I know it's me at fault because I completely trust my wife. So I let those thoughts stay way back there and don't act on them cuz I know it'll just result in making me a douchebag.
To me, the fact that she goes and babysits for this guy is not as big an issue as just the general incompatibility. I wanted to give her a chance, and I did. And after giving her every chance, throwing myself into the relationship, etc., I've come to find that she's not the right person for me. So, I think that's it. The babysitting thing galls me because before this guy's wife died, he never asked her to babysit. He'd call her or email her asking her to meet up and have sex. She'd always say no, but never forcefully enough to make him stop coming after her. One time, he even came over to her house and asked to use the bathroom, and when he comes out of the bathroom, he is, of course, undressed and expecting some lovin'. Nothing happened beyond that. She finally started being forceful and cut off contact with him then. And then his wife dies, and she feels sorry for him and contacts him, giving him the "I'm here if you need me". He takes that as a proposition and starts bugging her about coming over and having sex. Once again, she cuts off communication with him. And then he starts calling about wanting her to babysit. And she feels bad that he's got nobody to babysit for him (and it is harder to find someone who can take care of a kid who has some level of special needs). So she goes and babysits for him. And she says he's been on his best behavior this time and hasn't tried anything or propositioned her in any way. And that if he did try anything, she'd stop talking to him again. So for me, I just continually wonder why you'd want to be around someone like that. It's not like they had some relationship before. He was always married when they were having sex. All they did was meet up somewhere, have sex and then go home. There was no relationship aspect to it. Why would you want to go hang around someone like that, especially when he's so recently been nothing but a jerk, so much so that you cut off all contact with him? It just seems so weird to me, not because I think there's anything else going on, but because I can't imagine why a person would want a guy like that in her life at all, regardless of whether she has a boyfriend who's uncomfortable with it or not. But the problems are really about the incompatibility things far more than this situation.
It's comforting to know that the woman I am currently seeing only hangs out with homosexuals. ...and no, I'm not one of them. Smart asses.
I thought that too. But obviously, to think that gay guys always openly act like that is somewhat stereotypical. Jai and Carson definitely aren't straight. Ted could go either way (no pun intended). Kyan is the grooming guy and I can see him being straight as well as Thom, the interior decorator. My apologies to the thread starter for turning his advice thread into a discussion about gay/pseudo gay TV stars.
I saw Rent a year or two back when it played at the 1894 Opera House in Galveston, and Jai played "Angel." He's a pretty darn good actor. Don't know why I had to share that.
DREAMLAND: Boyfriends and girlfriends trust each other and are able to spend lots of time platonically with ex's only as friends and without causing any harm to their relationship. The ex's respect that the boy/girl is in a relationship and never makes any advances or is out-of-line. They are no longer interested in sex or intimacy with the boy/girl in any way and truly wish to just be friends REAL WORLD: Just reverse all of the above - I don't feel like typing it backwards. Isabel: Under very rare circumstances, very few people might have a platonic friendship, but most of the time is just not true. Also, just becuase you can, that doesn't mean you should. Those rules I posted apply to men AND women, and I live by them every day. I'm married, so they're slightly more relaxed, but I constantly reduce my one-on-one activity with single girls as much as I can. I choose to do so because I love my wife, and our relationship, and it's more important to me to not put my wife's faith to the test than it is to have a drink in a bar with another woman. I'm not single. I don't act like I'm single. I act like I'm married. Yeah it sucks sometimes. Yeah, I'd really like to do a lot of those things I did when I was single. But those desires conflict with building a strong, permanent relationship with one person. You're right about 'just dating' - I was speaking of relationships. With 'just dating' anything goes. And you're half-right about people panicking in real life: In real life people panic and are over-protective. Also in real-life people dump you for another person, cheat on you, and sleep around (no, not all people - but it does happen a lot). You say, "If my husband was spending time with other women ... I think I'd just try to make sure I was "competitive" with them.". No you wouldn't. That's total BS. You're back in dreamland again. Part of the reason you married him was so that you won't have to compete any more. I don't know how you would react, but I guarantee you that is NOT what you would do at all. That's not what any wife would do. "A person of good character won't truly want to look outside of his/her own relationship if that relationship is already in good shape." You're back in dreamland again. There are always problems in every healthy relationship. There are very, very few 'people of good character'. And it's very natural for people to be attracted to someone other than their spouse. If your statement were true, trust and faith would not even exist. Trust and faith only exist because temptation and betrayal exist. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO GREW UP WITH BOTH PARENTS: How often did your dad go out and have drinks one-on-one with a girl friend? How often did your mom get together with an ex-boyfriend? Ask your parents what they think about this issue. NOTE: please read the post by VesceySux (from Harry/Sally) - it's completely accurate. -- droxford
My dad said I should get a ducktail haircut, and my mother said she would loved to have had one dance with Elvis. These absolute rules just seem to ignore reality, if you ask me. Everyone's different, and different systems will work for different folks. Mrs. B-Bob and I really trust one another and have made promises to one another, have pledged honesty and live honesty. So we don't have rules like "thou shalt not be seen with single man/woman." I'm not saying we're great, but just that, you know, different strokes.
Oh, gimme a break. I'm not talking about styles and trends - haircuts, music and dancing... I'm talking about building a strong relationship. -- droxford
So how do you react when your wife starts going out with some single guy? You're just 'cool' with it? I mean don't you know that the guy wants to bang your wife, and they are out together, without you, with one thing on his mind? Now obviously, outside of rape, you would trust your wife enough that she'd refuse his advances. But come on, if she knows this guy just wants to bang her, why would she be hanging out with him in the first place? Take a poll, and I bet 95% of all single men interact socially with woman with the hope of potentially sleeping with her. Why else would any single heterosexual male have any female friends?
That's a little extreme, but I agree with the premise (and props on your PF signtature - I love POTW) -- droxford
There's a bootleg floating around the net of POTW .. an MP3 that was made from the 8-track tape of Animals.... anyway.... it was POTW part 1 followed by a short kick-ass guitar solo and then POTW part 2 - all together in one song. I recommend it highly. Solo was not by Gilmour, but by backup guitaris named "Snowy White'. Sounds great, though. -- droxford
mrpaige, your girlfriend is being played like a fiddle by a real smuck who deserves to have his ass kicked. it's too bad you don't care more about this girl so you would have an excuse to beat this guy's ass into the ground. i can only imagine that once you break it off smuck will either have sex with her but not a relationship or by some miracle have a relationship with her probably based on just sex while sleeping with other women. either way...smuck deserves an ass kicking in my book.
If your female partner is misbehaving, not heeding your commands, wanting to spend time around other men, or is in any way exhibiting signs of independence, these sinister and malicious activities must CEASE IMMEDIATELY. You have FAILED in your conditioning of her and must sever ties with this rebellious beast! It is best to start over with a clean slate on someone new -- preferably a very vulnerable, hot chick with very low self esteem, intense sexual desires, and vast riches.
Being jealous is normal, but you are better off not saying anything and keep it inside, otherwise is becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. As for trust. It's true. Let your girl go and whatever happens happens. I mean, seriously, what's the worst thing that happens... she get its on with some other guy. And guess what, do you really want to be with a girl like that. No. So your lucky she did it. If she says no to some guy advancing then great. That's a girlfirend. As far as trusting some other guy... when was the last time you, as a guy, had so much power over a woman she slept with you. NEVER. Literally never. So why is it that suddenly every other guy has that power. They don't. The girl always has to say yes. The girl always has to agree. And if she does, you don't need to be with her anyway. Don't waste your life worry about something that could happen. Because it probably never will, abd B, if it does happen who wants a girl like that. I don't.
