This is the hangout... perv is the norm. You gotta try and go beyond that to get any recognitOH **** FULL HOUSE IS ON TTYL.
You nailed it. For anyone who is really intertested in this topic, google the following terms: David Deangelo Ross Jeffries Tyler Durden seduction Mystery Method
I'm far from being a Cassanova and have my own dating problems, at the moment though its not meeting women If I can offer you some hard won advice. The things that I've found works is to have fun and keep your expectations down. If you approach a situation where you're trying to meet someone with the attitude that you have to meet somebody things tend to go poorly. OTOH if you approach it with the attitude that I'm here to enjoy myself and if I meet somebody great if not at least I had a good time myself things tend to go easier. The other thing I found that works in bars is to strike up conversations when waiting for drinks or waiting in the bathroom line, provided the women's bathroom is next to the men's. The zero-ing on a woman and trying to score with a pickup line doesn't seem to work for me but the waiting to flag down a bartender or talking about how long of a wait it is to get in the bathroom random conversations seem to work. For instance I met a WNBA player by talking about White Castle when she was standing next to me ordering a drink. Also be seen with female friends. Women feel more comfortable when they see a man who is hanging out with women already. I guess it lets them know he's not a sex crazed fiend or have a mysoginistic complex. Depending on how good of a female friend she is she might talk you up to a potential date. It helps if she does it spontaneously. Finally for some reason being the wingman seems to be more successful than being the primary. (sorry for the beer commercial jargon) The past few times I've tried to help a male friend meet someone at a bar or a party I've ended up meeting someone. I don't know if its because I'm unknowlingly giving the women signals that I'm interested in them or if they like it that I'm helping a friend out. Obviously this is fraught with problems and I don't recommend meeting someone by trying to set them up but in many cases a female friend of the woman you are trying to introduce will be interested in you. Most of this advice applies to bars and parties but there is lots of opportunities to meet women; strike up a coversation at a store checkout line. I myself try to avoid dating people I work with or have any other type of relationship with but you never know when you meet someone you like. The only thing there is to try to keep very clear and honest about the parameters. One thing I don't recommend is the three minute dating thing. I tried it a few years ago when I got out of a long term relationship and was feeling kinda desparate and clueless about dating. It felt like two things I hate, job interviews and pop quizzes with the awkwardness of dating. Ironically I met someone at the after mixer who wasn't one of the 3 min dates.
Thanks for all the advice. As you mentioned, most of that is in bars and I don't go to bars unless I'm playing in them or seeing friends play because I don't drink and am basically allergic to smoke. Plus, there's that old addage that goes: You know you are a musician when you can't dance. I try to avoid dating people I meet at gigs for the reasons I mentioned. Plus, most of the people in those bars are 10-15 years younger than me: Hey nineteen That’s ’retha franklin She don’t remember The queen of soul It’s hard times befallen The sole survivors She thinks I’m crazy But I’m just growing old I do agree with just letting things go as they go and I am certainly not even trying now anyway with all that is going on. I figure I'll just let things happen as they happen. Thanks again.
Manny, I'm sure it's along the lines of 8 Minute dating, 10 minute dating. It's speed dating. You, and a bunch of other single people attend a mixer, and then you move around and talk to each other for the designated time, and move on to the next person.
Yea, very contrived. You can't get to know someone even a little in 3 minutes, or 10 minutes. Very impersonal.
According to my wife it only takes 3 minutes to.....ah......nevermind... (Must remember inner dialogue....)
I think these days, unless you are socially active, you have to resort to these things, or use online dating services.
Maybe that was my mistake in limiting it to 3 minutes. Coma is correct. The way it worked for the one that I did was that the women sat on one side of some long tables and the men on the other. Each person had a number and you would sit and talk to one another for 3 min. and then when time was up the men would move a chair over to the next woman. When you got to the end of the table you would go the next table. At the end you right down some of the numbers of the people you liked and turn it in. If they wrote your number down too then they would give you their contacts. It seems to be pretty popular, at least in MN, because I always see an event advertised in the local arts paper but I really didn't like it and didn't bother to right anyone's dating number down.
Did anyone get to a table and go "blah, next!" I'm sure at some of those tables it would take 3 seconds to make a decision.
Well on the plus side it is only 3 minutes. By about the 11th person I met I got sick of answering the same questions over and over again, "What do you do? What music do listen too? Do you like sports? What's your favorite food?" So I decided to shake things up with the 12th. As soon as the buzzer sounded I asked her "So what do you think of Ancient Egyptian Middle Kingdom art?" She stared at me dumbfounded for about 10 seconds and then asked "So what do you do?"
That sounds really... dumb. Like you can learn anything from that, except for shallow, superficial stuff like how the person looks. Of course, I would try to avoid forced dating situations like matchmaking services or singles mixers. My ideal is just to know a lot of people, be involved in a lot of stuff, etc., and surely one of those people is going to be your type sooner or later. To not force it and have a lot of friends of the opposite sex (hey, you never know...). To let a relationship develop naturally. I am also aware of the impossible distance between these ideals and real life. I guess it's not how most guys... probably even most people... prefer to work.
I think I would probably be really good at the interview dating because of my style of personality (I can make friends with just about anybody in 3 minutes), but I cannot imagine ever doing it for the reasons you stated. It is just WAY too superficial for me. I also would just prefer to know a lot of people and be involved in a lot of stuff. That is how I've met people in the past. In my case, that will take a while to establish given that I've been away from large circles of friends for, what, 13 years. Being a musician definitely helps. That is like a big family already, so that's good. But, I'm still so horribly inept at things like asking women out, it may be a VERY slow process.
Yeah, unless you play behind the band where no one can see you. Always fun watching fellow band members pick up women while you're stuck at the back of the stage behind the kit. Every girl I've ever dated I've been friends with first. I've never been a "hey baby, what's your sign" kind of guy. That's why these forced dating situations just sound silly to me. Having 4 women in my band helps. They're all spoken for, but they have lot's of single friends.
It's not that you are in the back. It's that you are a drummer and everyone knows drummers have brain damage to some degree.
It's not about how people want things to work, its about reality. Your friends, their friends, depending on your social circle it's not necessarily a huge pool of single people. Alot of people in their late 20s, early 30s are married or in a committed long term relationship. Most people I think would prefer things your way, but it's not always possible. If there are no good options available through friends, people have to go elsewhere.
