if you're not gonna talk to her parents, i wouldn't reccomend being home alone with someone half your age, of the opposite sex, and having a crush on you... there's just too much that potentially could go wrong! by the way, how did a friendship with a 14 year old even begin? what on earth do you guys have to talk about? i have trouble talking to college kids, let alone anyone younger!
We live in a cynical age. =\ You could try a two pronged approach where you talk to her mother about it, and then lay it out to her in plain English. That's assuming that she has a mother who cares about her to support her if she overreacts...
Go with the safe route first, hint it around and see what happens. If she doesn't wake up, consider the next step. Find out what kind of guy turns her on and she likes(that should be obvious?)What kind of behaviour and words she likes to see and hear? Then do the exact opposite, don't overdo it or the friendship is over. For example, if she likes wild boys, why don't you put on a pair of glasses and hold some brick thick books? Then wait and see she grows out of you.
I'd say, rather, that we live in a highly sexualized age and 14 YO girls probably bear the greatest brunt of it. They are under enormous societal and peer pressure to act and be older than they are. I think curtailing this now is as much in the girl's interest as it is in Htownhero's.
Anyway you can have someone else in the house (not necessarily in the living room with the two of you) when you do this--if in fact it hasn't already transpired? As some of you know, I'm a preacher. I worked for a couple of years with an older preacher (older than me, at least). Anytime he had a woman schedule an appointment to talk with him, he would always ask that I be there (in my office down the hall) during their meeting. And he always kept the door open. It couldn't hurt to do something similar in this case.
Those are good ideas <b>Traj</b>. I knew a wealthy man once and he would not be alone with a woman for any reason. He always had other people around him. People were always after his money and a flimsy lawsuit with the promise of a cash settlement was always lying in wait.
The more I think of this, the more it upsets me, because situations like this for that girl are sad, as you describe them. But, if you know her parents, you wouldn't be asking us, obviously. You saying she has a tough home life, well that is for the parents of her friends the same age to deal with and help out with. Maybe you should talk to them?? Why can't you make friends with her mother or the mother's of her friends? I still don't see how any other mentor program wouldn't start by talking to her mother, and trying to befriend her? If she has trouble at home, she can escape that like a normal teen, by GOING TO HER FRIENDS HOUSE THE SAME AGE. If she has no friends and no family life, then she needs professional help, or structured mentor programs at her nearby park. Maybe you should look into that for her. imo, you are misguided in the value of you befriending her in your house in the situation you describe, because obviously you do not have a girlfriend or wife there with good maternal advice for her, otherwise the crush could be dealt with by your girl. If she is alone at night. That's sad. But find another solution, get her some maternal friends, not just you. Another way to look at it is: If you continue promoting her hanging out at the homes of 28yr old strangers to her mother and father, what kind of lesson is that?? You surely are cool and all, otherwise you wouldn't post this here, but the next 28yr old might not be.
Well I had a chat with her earleir tonight and it went real well. No need to get into to much detail here, but I wasn't imagining things and I'm glad I addressed it now rather than later. Heypartner- I feel you've got the wrong idea about whats been going on here, so I'll tell you a little bit about me. I was raised in a home with an alcholic parent. It was pretty tough for me but I eventually found a support program called Al-Ateen at around 13 or 14 and it changed my life. It's basically a group of teenaged children in a support group setting that is moderated by an adult who has experience in like programs. Well, like I said earlier the girls mom is a drunk. I could have ignored it and let the girl make it on her own, but thats not me. If I think I can help, I try. I told her about Al-Ateen, called a friend of mine who is still actively involved in the program and she began attending meetings pretty regularly. A big part of the program for these youngsters is the phone. Problem is, she doesn't have one and I do. She would come over a couple of times a week to use mine to call friends in the program... get a ride to the meeting house... or just talk teenage whatever. In the last couple of weeks the visits have become more frequent and the reasons to use the phone have been a little suspect. Add that to some little things here and there and thats what brought me to ask for some advice from the ladies about the best way to tell a teenage girl she's great...but 14. Forgive me if I read your posts wrong, but I think you've been assuming a situation exists when it doesn't. I don't have some sort of flophouse for teen girls going on here. You don't know me and you don't know what this girl is going through. The world would be a much better place if there more more people like me, who are willing to get involved and less like you, who seem content to let someone else handle it. If I'm wrong about this then I'm sorry. Anyway, thanks to all of you for your advice.
Htown -- I grew up in the same situation as you and your young friend. I can tell you that you're doing a good thing and she is lucky to live near you. You may be one of the few positive adult role models in her life. I eventually found Al-Anon when I was 18, but it would have made all the difference in the world if I had been able to talk to an understanding adult when I was younger. You may never know what a positive impact you've had on her life.
I know this thread has already died a natural death, but I just wanted to make one last comment: if crushes on men twice her age is her thing, she's probably better off in the house of someone like you who is obviously not interested, than not. If she's not in your house, she may well end up in some other 28 year old's house. She may not dodge the bullet twice.
