Thanks fade - I understand completely where you are coming from. Yea, I know it was done quickly and that was one of the biggest reasons why, I at first, decided to not say anything about it. But I felt in my heart it was the right thing to do. I may be proven wrong on this, but I will say this - if this marriage ends in a divorce, there is NO way in hell I would get married again. I would have to adjust to living my life alone for the rest of my life, but I am not going to make the same mistake twice. Yet, I don't think that my marriage will fail. There's just been a huge adjustment on my part in the change in lifestyle. As each day goes by, I get used to it more and more but that doesn't mean I miss some things in my old life. I guess I will always have that.
I think you're on the right track, Manny. Don't do things because you're forced to do it. Do it because your heart wants to. She's a part of you and vice versa. Find ways to include her in the best of your old life, and tell yourself that its not personal if she doesn't mesh with it. There's a lot of ground to cover, but it can be smoother with the right approach and mentality. Hang in there, and keep the ideas fresh.
Manny, out of curiosity, did the three of your live together for any period of time before you were married?
First of all, as a christian, everything is up to God. Ultimately he will decide how the marriage goes(through you/free will of course). Secondly, you are making major lifestyle changes. It is natural to get frustrated at times because it is so easy to revert into old habits. Not speaking from personal experience, but having seen married couples and the way they act(or seriously dating couples) you need to communicate well with your spouse and learn to compromise. Anyways, God Bless and good luck.
My advice? Later on tonight over a glass of wine, a fishstick dinner and immediately after Dave Ward's "Before we go....", look at wifey in the eyes with your hand on her knee and ask her sincerely...REALLY sincerely... WHAT'S IN YOUR CD PLAYER? Blessings and well wishes to you Man, we've only met once (BW3) but I remember the quailty and your family should consider themselves very fortunate. Congrats on your new marriage, and remember it's never easy but it's always interesting!
Hey Manny, Communication is critical as others have said, but you can only communicate if you know yourself (get through your own ego even if you have to take some hits to your pride). So communicate, yes, but you can't do this until you get real about your own thoughts and feelings about the marriage, her as a wife, yourself as husband, etc.. Got to trust yourself and her, with wherever that goes. And try your best to give her the space to do the same (not judging her feelings even if they are hard for you to hear--you are each entitled to your view, the other does not have to endorse that view, just hear it). Thus the guy saying "man up" or whatever wasn't far off IMHO, she's a "big girl" so to speak, your a big guy. Both of you are probably stuck in similar places, one of you has to challenge yourself 1st. It may bring you together, and yes possibly even father apart, but in the end you have to roll with it. Also, bearing down and trying to wait it out until it gets better (before getting real) probably isn't the right thing to do. And get some outside help (counselor, clergy, etc) if you can-- what matters is you two (and your little girl) getting to the best place you can get, whatever that takes, and that is Maning up. Note, this is not in the Peyton “blame everyone else but me” “choke in the big game” kind of way, which I think you are very familiar with good luck and a prayer your way from the Western desert, you can get through it and be better for it. We got your back, and props to you to starting to lay out some of this with us, that is Maning up right there.
Sorry, just saw the request. Praying for you. Every morning for 30 days thank God sincerely for a good thing in your life and a good thing in your wife.- Try it- do it. (New one... just popped into my head) Anyhow the glass is half full and you all are going to make it and definately get some good help if things spiral down. Don't be alone in this- get someone on your side and your families side to encourage you and help you. Praying for you, rhester
Wow. (I haven't been on the board much lately either, and somehow I missed this over the last few days.) Congratulations on having a new wife and daughter in your life. I understand not wanting to bring it up to the board if it was going to look sudden, since people can get on here and act like they know what's best for each other's lives, but I know that you are a Christian and a praying man and I trust that you did the right thing. This is a lot of change in your life, and I'm sure you have brought a lot of joy to your new family, as they bring to you. But change is stressful. Like everyone has said, learn to communicate; to find a way of bringing these things up. I've had to learn recently to be more confrontational (in a nice way). It gets things out in the open. It would help to have some good friends or church counselors assist in this, since it's a growing and changing phase for everyone involved. And... though I don't think this will happen.... if for some reason you do end up getting divorced, be able to forgive yourself and go on. Life isn't always perfect but God can make something good out of any situation, and works in some ways we would never predict. I need to remember to keep you in my prayers too.
Manny; Sorry for coming late to this thread but like you my CF.net time is very limited these days but for different reasons. Agree with most other posts here. Communication is important and make sure you talk things out. I'm not religious in the Christian sense but if prayer helps pray. What helps me when I'm going through rough stressful times like now is knowing that nothing is permanent and in time all things pass. Hang in there man and remember even the real Manny Ramirez has gone through rough times.
Hey Manny, I didn't see this until just now. Sorry I missed it. I will be praying for you. Good luck. As others have said, communication is very important. Talk as much as you can in order to iron out a course of action that both of you will take to try and make things work. It sounds like you have started on this. Marriage is always an adjustment, and this just seems like it was a more abrupt adjustment. So that will have its own difficulties. But marriage can be a great thing, so I will pray that it will bring you much good. As long as she lets you listen to your music, that's a good start.
Late to the party, but good luck Manny. Kinda blew me away with the marriage kid thing. That's a lot to take on all of a sudden. You just went up a notch on the respect-o-meter. Like others have iterated, you just have to be open in your communication w her or she might not even know what needs to change and she'll just get into a routine of upsetting you w/o knowing why or how much. You may sound like a nag but the squeeky wheel gets the grease.
