Take it from a divorcee, communication is key...Take into consideration how she feels and tell her you love her...Never blame as that gets you no where fast... Counseling is not a bad thing...It doesn't mean your weak, it's a 3rd party to help mediate...You may want to consider it...Good Luck...
Talk to your priest. That means a lot to you, and he/she will give you something you can use. It's too hard to just go over it in your head.
Manny, what do your friends think? usually what your friends think is usually right in the end. you might be blinded because you are biased and it helps to get an outside opinion. Good luck. Trust your friends, that's what they are for.
Manny, from all the posts I have read from you in the past you are a really nice guy and it would be a shame to let her walk all over you.. Like others have said, communication is key, but try not to place any blame while doing it.. I hope everything gets worked out and if it comes down to counseling.. so what?!?! Counseling is not the end of the world, keep an open mind and try anything that you think can help the two of you work things out if you still love her..
Duuuuude. You got married, and you didn't tell us? Double-Yoo Tee Eff. For the record, I agree with what others have said. Open communication is absolutely crucial if a marriage is to survive. Don't keep your feelings bottled up, as they'll only fester and make it worse.
exactly, he casually admits that he met someone, with a child, and oh, by the way, "she has done some irresponsible things already in our MARRIAGE". you really dropped some bombshells on us here manny. actually, seems you've dropped them on yourself. i hope this doesn't turn out to be a case of taking on too much too quickly. just make sure you take the proper time to evaluate and work on the situation. i don't think there is anything wrong with moving quickly, but there is risk involved. change is difficult, sometimes painfully so. however, this is usually how we grow as human beings. good luck manny. i agree with others in thinking you're a good guy, i'm rooting for you.
I've got your back. But I'll just reiterate what has already been said... communicate with her, she has to know where you stand or it won't end well. It is vital. Talk to me if you want.
after losing 2 straight to phoenix, the rockets had a players meeting and aired out their concerns and emotions.
Dear God. I was right. Don't let a woman/relationship get you bent out of shape. You have the most important thing in life, your health. Have you ever had your health taken away from you? If so then things like this will seem very minor. Be a man, put your foot down to change this situation or get out of it. Don't mope around. Man up! (sorry for being so direct but sometimes it is the best way to give advice).
"Man up!" is great advice if we are coaching a football team here. I don't think making quick and decisive decisions is called for here. I think marching around like General Patton is about the dumbest thing you can do in a marriage. If you approach her with honesty, love and good will there is no reason you cannot come to a better understanding of each other and your marriage. Good luck, Manny.
communicate always positive let the small stuff go discuss and agree on the larger things. Good luck Manny. Some times it tough being married and some times its tough being a parent. Put them both together and... some times its tough.
Manny- Im dating a girl with 2 children, and she struggles with money as well. Its a tough road. Not only do you have a relationship with her, you have a relationship with her daughter too. Stay positive and as others have stressed: COMMUNICATION and TRUST are the 2 keys to making a marriage or any relationship work.
Manny from the first time I started posting here you were always a blessing to me, even though I've never had the pleasure of meeting you. You said kind words of spiritual encouragement during one of the hardest times of my life. This time, buddy, I'm praying for ya. I'm so glad you got married and I know the Lord will bring you through the rough patches. Sometimes when people give me the advice of depending on the Lord it doesn't seem good enough or concrete enough. But really delving into scripture and prayer during this time will get you through. The best is yet to come!! We love ya man.
Manny - I'm real sorry things are tough now. I never met you but have enjoyed your posts for some time. My wife and I recently had to put our 11 year old terrier to sleep- kidney failure and siezures. I thought of you having health problems with your cocker spaniel. Hang in there. Diplomacy works for me. My wife is like my dad was-a screamer-- boisterous and take no prisoners. It is difficult to go through a cross examination from her. I love her dearly and we have very different personalities and methods of living. My life with her is my only frame of reference. It is hard for me to communicate with my wife without her getting defensive, mad, and changing the subject, but the communication helps. Keep trying, do not give up, and she will listen without you having to yell. I'm not saying yo yell, but my wife hears more than I realize and it is hard for me to tell if we are on the road to compromise until we aactually gete there. I realize this post does not provide much help-two works - diplomacy and patience. Best wishes- you are in my prayers as you do deserve to be happy.
Thanks everyone, especially finalsbound and TBar. I do believe that this past Wednesday night was my rock bottom. I really felt that things were about to be over. But, we were able to talk things out and we are trying to get things back on track. One thing that has helped is trying to use the mindset that I am still dating my wife instead of actually being married to her. I guess another thing that has been extremely hard for me to accept is that I have given up so much, like my freedom and the old lifestyle of where I was doing whatever I wanted without worrying about having to clear it with someone. I think that is where my problems started - I started to feel sorry for myself and I resented the fact that things had changed so much in my life. Yet I love my wife and daughter (I consider her to be mine even though she is not my biological child) very much and I owe it to them, myself, and God as well as many other people in my life to make this work. I will never give up - even if I have to get in the mode of trying to survive each day. You got to do what you have to do sometimes. I just know that better days lie ahead for my family and before they get here, I just have to battle through the tough times. Thanks again to everyone for their prayers and concerns. It means a lot to me.
Wow Manny is married . Good luck, Manny - I wish you the very best. I had a relationship with a girl with a child for a year and a half or so, and I know there can be a lot of problems with that situation. One question, is the biological father of the child still in the picture somehow?
As others have said, communication is key. Sometimes, it may feel like going to the dentist, to talk about things that make you, and perhaps her, very incomfortable. From the sound of it, you went into marriage pretty fast, so in a way, you are still getting to know each other. By contrast, my wife and I lived together, off and on, for 4 years before we tied the knot. We knew each other extremely well by that time. And it's worked. We've had our ups and downs, but still love each other deeply after 28 years. (has it really been that long?? And I still had a decade of hippie craziness before that. ) Maybe you should listen to some classic Sinatra, Manny. I know music does it for you, as it does for me, and some of his bluesy, romantic tunes might be in order, to cheer you up. Good luck, and congratulations on the nuptials, and your new family, even if we found out after the fact!
Jackie, To answer your question - it is a resounding no. I doubt I would have kept seeing her if the biological father was in the picture. Deckard, I know I went in really fast but I felt in my heart it was the right thing. Before I met her, I honestly thought it would take me a year of dating someone before I could marry them. But that obviously did not happen here. But yea, I guess you could say that there have been quite a few growing pains between us. But as I said earlier, I am willing to try to make this thing work no matter how hard it is (and let me tell you Wednesday night and to a degree last night were very hard). Oh and definitely agree with the music comment - that is why I have been listening to Jeff Beck and Cream today. It has definitely helped.
Manny, You're a good guy. I don't want to see you hurt. I won't pray because I'm not really into that scene, but I will send some good thoughts and wish for the best for you. I hope this quick marriage doesn't end up to be a mistake, but I'm sure that as long as there is patience, love and open-ended communication flowing from both directions that everything will work out for the best.
