That was kids being kids... this is different. The most amazing thing is just how little that impacted my life. How little I suffered from it and how little I considered the consequences. To this day I don’t think of it often and it isn’t traumatic. Regrets? Not really... it’s whatever. I don’t regret the people I have had beaten up or that I have personally injured. They are bad people. I regret not helping good people.... but I sleep well at night.
Have a one-to-one talk with her. Say, "Hey, I love you and I care about you. If you're needing money to pay bills, you've got problems that are deeper and bigger thanthis month's bills. You've gotta know that hose problems will only get fixed if you make major changes to your life path. Please follow my guidance and do what you need to protect yourself and take care of yourself."
Lol, you guys need to chill. The girl completed high school with a baby, not by herself of course, but she did it. She just got her FFA Vet Certificate not too long ago. She not out turning tricks on the street for crack money. Her dad passed away, his birthday was less than a week ago since his death. Yes, she is being influenced by a scumbag, but I'm trying to "gently" nudge her back to the straight and narrow. It obviously scares me, but she is a good kid. Chill out. I love the girl, but I also know that pretty much nothing works when they have scumbags for boyfriends. Like I said, the only thing I could do was give her the money and tell her I love her and trust her. Not to go all bad boy's on her like her mother would do, or anybody in my family would do but me. I am just in wait and see mode. My brother passed away largely because of drugs, so I don't want to do anything stupid and turn her against everybody. that's the last thing I want.
Yeah, but if she's so broke now that she's asking family for money, that means that her life has been sliding for quite some time - probably long before your brother died. Prepare yourself for the probability that this situation will get much, much worse (for her, and for her daughter).
It sounds like a difficult and tricky situation. Credit to you, @what . A lot of people would just refuse to get involved.
I agree with this. You and her should meet up regularly at a drug support group for family members. Share your experiences about your late brother's drug addiction. Let her understand what she went through as a kid should not be left internalized in shame and should be forgiven both by each of your older selves. Allow each other to revisit the pain a drug addict exerts on family n order to properly bury the past in hopes of a new beginning. It's one of several shots in the dark, but is still necessary for her to slay the demons she self medicates with narcotics. A plan like this should be your condition if she later asks you for more money. Ask real drug crisis professionals about what to do. Hell check in three months later and then do it. You'll quickly discover whether she wants to be saved or you're a mark for a drug addict's lies. Your distance means you don't actually know how she's coping with her father's death or how she views her future
If drugs are involved, it'll be a slippery slope for sure. Probability will probably be high (no pun intended) for things to get worse. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom to come back up. Hopefully she doesn't go that far, but a lot of people do. I dont really get the "I gave her money so she would trust me and get on the straight and narrow." But I guess you'll see if it ends up being a recurring theme.
Another option is to give her gift cards to grocery stores....a friend of mine from high school always has trouble...a few other school friends and I have discussed helping her. We refuse to give her cash, not because we don't trust her, we don't trust her adult son. He comes across as a dead beat with drug issues. Gift cards to HEB are a better option for her situation.
It might change whether her lights/phone are on or off, and whether she uses that money on something destructive if you gave it to her directly... you already said you know it wouldn't go towards her bills.
Another thing you can do for her is help her navigate the child support laws. Maybe call around and see who she can talk to regarding suing the father of her baby for child support. Laws change when he turns 18, so maybe part of the need for money was due to losing child support from the grandparents?? You can also check to see if she is maintaining her requirements for Welfare.
Honestly, you're the most qualified to answer your own question because you know your niece, and the type of person she is. If you believe that you handled it correctly, then that's all that ultimately matters. I agree that showing someone you trust them and love them unconditionally has a very powerful effect on people, and here's hoping that she responds positively to your generous act and gives you the result you're wanting. Good luck to you and your niece! Also, my condolences for the loss of your brother. That's a very heavy thing to have to deal with.
There is no right and wrong in this but your own beliefs. You believe she is doing something wrong living with that addict. I am not strictly talking about that money, I wouldn't have given her, but if you did, I can understand it as you felt the pressure to do so. Just make sure it is a 1 time thing, make it clear to her! You cannot endorse such a lifestyle, go figure a way to help her and get her into a drug treatment program.
Is the baby there in that drug filled lifestyle? I mean - tough love might mean calling CPA - you can't raise a baby in a drug filled environment - do what is right by the baby first. DD
If she doesn't have income I doubt the baby does -- no need to hire a CPA the baby won't need to file.
