Nannies and Background Checks

Mrs Valdez,

My wife sent me that joke too.

Priceless.



Being a responsible parent and raising your child correctly is the most important JOB anyone could ever have, and now that I am a dad and coaching soccer, and basketball, and T-ball etc..etc..etc..

I could not imagine doing it any other way.

My wife and I are partners, and the kids are not a job at all, but a big ole life long adventure.



By the way, my wife went back to work after 2 months on our first born, and that lasted all of 2 days, we decided to suck it up and have her at home, best move we ever made.

DD

 

well i'm not sure if you and I really are disagreeing... when I said better immune system, i mean to common childhood illnesses. a child you has been exposed at a younger age has less susceptiblity when they enter kindergarten. which i guess isn't really a "better immune system" but one that is simply not as vulnerable....

 

True.

But, a sick 2 year old is far worse than a sick 5 year old. At 5 at least they can communicate about how they feel better.

DD

 

buy a leash, which can extend 20 feet...

 

F.D. Khan, I apoloigize for my comments in this thread. . I misread your post. I thought you were complaining about the turnover of nannies who you were paying $800 pr month to.

My comments on elitism were basically a carryover from your comments on a d and d post regarding social security.

 

That's a damn great post, F.D. Kahn.

 

I'm a working mom and I feel like a horrible mom now after reading this thread. And my son stays with my mom!






.....I'm off to quit my job

Especially after that...............

 

Is your mom really that bad?

We all do what we can. Our next door neighbor has three kids and they both work. I don't see how they do it, since the wife and I have the one kid (a two year old), both work, and are completely maxed out. We used a nanny full time until Scott was 18 months and switched to a half a day at Montessori and a half a day with the nanny. We sent Scott to Montessori to learn how to interact with other children (which he has greatly improved in since going). We have seen an onslaught on colds the last 9 months, with the last being an ear infection that took down the whole family. Scott is just starting toilet training (Bring It On!!!) and maybe after that the wife and I will discuss Child #2. My current bet is that it will be the world shortest discussion. We will see.

 

WRT the original question, we use an agency to find our nanny. The agency did the background check. I think we were also given a list of references with phone numbers, with which we could do our own checking.

 

I'd say have 2 kids. Mine are 4.5 years (F) and 2.75 years (M) and there is nothing better than watching them play together and interact. They both adore each other and my daughter plays teacher and helps my son with his speach.

My 2¢ regarding stay at home vs working for women. My wife stayed home for 4 months with each of our kids. Then my grandmother and my mother in law cared for them until they were 2. My daughter started Montisorri at 2 because she needed the education. She was bored at home and started acting up. Once she had someone feeding her knowledge all day her behavior became much better. She's 4 and does math on a first grade level. My son is a slow talker. He never babbled much and never cared to express himself vocally. Since he's been in school it's been like day and night. Being around other kids his age has helped him develop and now he uses his voice to express himself where he didn't before. If we could have afforded for my wife to stay home maybe they would have turned out the same but I think the montisorri method of learning was great for my kids and I'd do it again in a second.

 

Do you work by choice or out of necessity? My point was about people who decide they would rather work than raise their own kids, to me, that is unbelievable.

Don't stay home because I, or others believe it is right, do it because YOU think it is right.

You must have been thinking about it already to have a BBS post or thread push you onto that path.

If you can stay home and raise your children, good for you !! They will be far better off, if you have to work, and your mom doesn't mind that is one heck of an alternative.

DD

 

I definitely feel the pull to have a second child, especially if we can get a girl (modern science rox). My wife is still overwhelmed by the one. And I do see her point of view. A lot of the first year responsibilities ride on her shoulders, so we will see.

 

back to original topic.

there are many nanny referral services. Morningside Nannies comes to mind. They do extensive background checks. Like many things, you get what you pay. It can be very expensive. the current market for a good nanny starts at $400 per week.

We went through the selection process and are very fortunate to have found a good nanny. She's been with us for about 18 months and has done a marvelous job.

Tips: before you "hire", do a paid trial working day where you and/or your wife gets to observe this person's work. have lunch with them, chat them up. You learn more than you ever would in a 1 hour interview. Eg - one woman we were going to hire totally imploded during the paid working say. She told us about her background, her religious fanaticism emerged, etc. During the 1 hour interview, she seemed like the governess from sound of music.

Dadakota: Your post about how mom's should stay at home, etc. It comes across as judgmental. Perhaps it was intended that way. Perhaps not. Personally, I think its tough as hell to be an educated, brilliant, successful woman/mom. You wind up feling bad about not being home enough, or you wind up feeling like you let your harvard MD or acute business savy go to waste.

Me - I had a kid, decided being a dad was more important than anything else in this universe. I got a new job with a 25% paycut to control my schedule and spend more time with my daughter. Best money I ever spent.

 

JESUS

do not give out information that is WRONG.

if you do not know why not just STFU.

1. everybody pays TAX, whether you are citizen or not.
2. almost everybody has a credit report. whether they are citizen or not.
3. criminal history check does NOT need your finger.

 

same with us. we never really considered doing it any other way. in fact, while reading this thread, it dawned on me that one day my kids will be in school and my wife will get a job work and bring home a paycheck. woohoo!

 

No...my mom is great. I guess just missing out and not being with him bothers me. And I do think about it alot......

I would have to do some major financial renovations to make it work...especially since my husband has started paying $800 child support for his other kids I definitely want to be home when he starts school.....he's 18 months. So I guess I'll have to bust my butt until then to make it happen.

 

So here's a question.....better to be home with them now while they are very young? Or once they begin school and there is homework, projects, parties, field trips, etc........? I choose once he starts school ...but then again it could be a biased opinion b/c I probably couldn't possibly stay home right now (financially). Or maybe I am just not willing to sacrifice enough to stay home with him b/c it just seems unrealistic at this time.

 

ak - I think the answer depends on the perspective of the question:

Better for the Child? I'm no child development expert but I think kiddo's need parents more as they get older. In the first 2 years, babies/toddlers need looking after to make sure they're safe and healthy. In reality, all you need is a responsible adult to do this task. We're not talking about teaching or disciplining. Starting in year 3 and more so as they get progressively older, that's when they need mommy and daddy to teach them manners, to behave, whisper in church, set boundaries and to educate. If you have to choose, it's more important for your child for you to be there when they're a little older.

Better for the Parent? Well, that's tough. When the child is a baby and toddler, he/she is very precious and develops every day. As a parent, I've thoroughly enjoyed the first 2 years. You get to see the first step, hear the first words, swing with them at the park in your lap, nap with them on cool afternoons. If you're choosing to work during these first 2 years instead of later, I would argue that you are sacrificing for the benefit of your child.
I'm not trying to say that parents dont have as much "fun" when the child gets older, I haven't expereinced that yet. But the precious moments of the first 2 years (so I hear) are so different in nature and special.

 

I agree with Riley, although I haven't been there yet. My friend's aunt was saying she stayed home with one child and worked with the second child (or was it the other way around?) and she said both boys came out just fine. However, she really missed out on seeing the second one through his infancy and early childhood and it made a difference to her. She didn't get to have all those memories of his early childhood to build on.