1. Those tori spelling movies on lifetime are not all that bad. 2. Going to give up on marriage that easily? why make the committment in the first place? Consider yourself lucky that she is not running around, to me that's the only reason for a divorce. I think this can be solved.
Since he calls her his wife, he's already accepted them being married which is one of the requirements for common law, unless he doesn't know any better. I don't know the time period of cohabitation...is 2 years enough? Sounds too short.
i'm not sure. He may just be confused and referring to her as his wife because he thinks they are common law. whatever the case, i'm skeptical of whether them being common law would really hold up. It's certainly not a reason to stay with someone if you are miserable.
Sounds like the two of you need to sit down and have a serious conversation. Explain to her your side, and explain it rationally, and if she refuses to understand or budge, GTFO
1) Talk to her in a rational but loving way. 2) If that doesn't work, get some counseling. There is nothing wrong with counseling. 3) If that doesn't work, then end the relationship. You'll be miserable if nothing changes. I think spending time 24/7 WHEN living together is ridiculous. I encourage my fiance to do stuff with his friends. He went to an Astros game last night with his friends. We watch the Rockets game together and if he doesn't want to watch it, he can go do something else. I'm totally fine with watching the game by myself. If you really love her, give her time to change. Little things can make a big difference. Good luck. EDIT: NO, not all women are same. So there's plenty fish out in the sea for you.
Wow, there's some seriously bad advice in this thread. This is not at all an unsalvageable situation. The cohabitation relationship is fairly new, so it's still finding its equilibrium. You just need to talk it out and come to an understanding. If the two of you can't manage it alone, a therapist could help. Having someone who loves you and wants to spend a lot of time with you isn't the worst problem in the world to have. Running away from that instead of dealing with it and working it out is weaksauce.
12 years married here. 2 kids. Close to the "D" word a couple of times. Saved my own marriage myself plenty a times because I went to bed when she asked me. Forgive that I haven't read the entire threads and all the jokes other people have posted... I skipped some and read some... overall, I am not agreeing with most posters. I'm gonna tell you something, brother... answer something: Do you love her? If the answer is YES, let's talk... If you even THOUGHT about answering "NO", then, what the heck is this thread for? You called her your wife. That's what I will call her from now on... let's continue: No wife should be calling his husband to bed more than once. Mine doesn't. I get pissed if she doesn't call me at least once or tells me "Will you be staying up? I am tired and want to go to sleep..." and comes and says goodnight to me. I am busy on side-job things and she understands it brings the Benjamins home, so she lets me. Is there any purpose to you staying up and listening to music besides your own gain, mister selfish? Ditch the music and the ONLINE GAMES. You're grown up. Be with her, but not too much. When she asks you to be there, be there. When you have a chance, let her know you have that chance. That stuff about "what if I leave her" and "she says she will do [insert threatening action here] if I leave her" is just threats and is not healthy. She should know not to do that. NEVER GO TO BED UPSET AT EACH OTHER. IT WILL NOT WORK IN THE MORNING, and YOU WILL NOT GET ANY. When was the last time you two had a romantic evening out? DO IT TONIGHT. Have a heart-to-heart talk. Wait a minute... you said you sacrificed a Rockets' game for her? She doesn't appreciate this? WOW. My wife canceled many events BEFORE we had DVR. Now, I record them and then watch them WITH HER later. WIN WIN, sir. Give her a long "hey, I understand you need time, but so do I... let's come to a compromise" talk, and give it some time. It will take time. I really really think you're giving 70-30 and she's giving too little knowing she's got you around her finger... the more you let her, the more it will become 90-10 for you and she'll always have the upper hand. It should always be 50-50, but you should always give 100. If you don't love her, forget all I said, please. Yeah, this is not healthy, either. Y'all should play TOGETHER... and NOT video games.
i agree with swoley D, except the part about staying up. Everyone has to have their "me" time, and if that's his relaxing then so be it. Although there may very well be a bigger, underlying issue.
Wow, that seems like a lot of work for some azz...I'm just saying... In all seriousness, if you feel this way now, only imagine if you two stay together...Granted, there are some compromises that happen, more time with the girl vs. friends, shopping for useless crap vs. watching the game, but if it makes you misserable now, it'll only get worse...
No hay problema, JeopardE. Darn it, DonkeyMagic, it's "SwoLy-D"!!!! Ha. I kid. But... the part about staying up... doesn't help HIM or HER, or the relationship... that's why I said he doesn't need to stay up without her. He can listen to his music in the car (without her) or while he works (headphones) or while she's out with the girls. THE_GIRL_YOU_LOVE > MUSIC FREE TIME = HAPPINESS TOGETHER TIME > MUSIC MUSIC > WHINING_WIFE <- use this one with care LardLad, think about all those times she's said "come to bed with me." Do you think it was to sleep? I don't think so... better things could have happened. I forgot to mention, sir, that people who love each other don't THREATEN each other and don't MANIPULATE each other. Don't make threats. Don't manipulate. Accept who she is if you do love her, for she's the one you chose and told her you loved her when you did and hopefully things will fix themselves up with BOTH your help. Since we can talk to you, we can ask you to change. Right now, YOU talk to her... YOU set up a romantic evening (*forget the finals, dude, or record the darn game... are you a Kobe lover? I hope NO). Don't give her "a month" or "a week" or "a year" to do anything. MENTALLY remember this... and check to make sure it has improved. YOU TWO must work together and if it takes one day, one week, or one year, you would have done it TOGETHER. You're a relationship now, remember? Think of yourselves as a puzzle in which pieces must fit together, whether you are the bigger piece or she is, you must fit together. No one ever solves a challenging puzzle in seconds. Good luck, sir. SwoLy-D in the "Stay Together and Work this Out like SMART HUMAN BEINGS" camp.
my bad swoLY G I understand what you are saying, but maybe staying up does help him. And, maybe your last equation (MUSIC > WHINING_WIFE ) is the real issue. Sounds like the guy just needs some time to himself and she's not giving him any. It also doesnt help that they are seemingly a younger couple
This is a good point, and I can't believe it has been overlooked in this thread thus far. The OP should take a look at his jurisdiction's common law marriage statute.
^ Very true, sir. +FB In Spanish and maybe just Mexico, we have a saying with truths that applies to this issue, and rhymes like this: "A la mesa y a la cama, nomás una vez se les llama", which roughly translates to "to bed and to the table, you should only call [them|him] once." An underlying issue not mentioned might be the true issue here. Screw the legal crap. He calls her his "wife" and we should respect that now, don't you all think? p.s. Lard hasn't posted all morning. Maybe she opened the door?
It's just an aside, but it'll get better not worse. Over time, his presence will become less important to her.
one more thing that just struck a nerve, how the hell is she going to lock you out. If it was some big fight i might see why, but to just lock you out is immature ...granted, she is a woman there should be an additional part swoly D...i should only have to say No once.
Seems like to me you let her run the relationship and she is used to it. Seems to me that you have been fine being the submissive one and letting her dominate. Now you are getting tired of it and want to change things. Good luck with that. This is the relationship she wants, she wants to run you and you have been fine with that. Why would you think that she would want to be with you if she isn't running the show? This isn't about you listening to music and drinking beer. This isn't about you sleeping next to her and you know it. This is about control. Her control over you.
Q: What makes a common law marriage? A: Three elements must be present to form a common law marriage in Texas. First, you must have "agreed to be married." Second, you must have "held yourselves out" as husband and wife. You must have represented to others that you were married to each other. As an example of this, you may have introduced you partner socially as "my husband," or you may have filed a joint income tax return. Third, you must have lived together in this state as husband and wife. She's my wife dammit! And I'm going to work things out with her! *sobs* Seriously though, I appreciate everyone's input on this issue. I just wanted to express myself and I thank everyone for chiming in. I haven't seen my bedroom since yesterday evening which means she still had the door locked this morning. I usually set my work clothes aside in the bathroom the day before work to save time ---so at least I'm wearing clean clothes! Anyway, I think I have been a bit of wussy (replace the first letter of that aforementioned word with a p) and need to speak up more. I will try to work things out. For the sake of the plasma TV...
