All I must add to this thread is: I taught my wife the game of basketball while watching Rockets games on MY20 when we lived in the Houston area from '97-'99. She now jumps at the chance to buy us tickets to the games that they play in our city, because SHE loves the Houston Rockets and loves basketball. She checks the BBS, and the schedules online for when the Rockets are on national TV. The other day, she was excited when I proposed the idea of buying a sling box to connect to my dad's TV in the Houston area so we could get all the games next year through it... This is the perfect woman ever. Yes. They exist. If your significant other cannot gain interest, be taught, and appreciate one of your passions, especially if it is the Rockets (and in this bbs community, it's supposed to always be the Rockets), then you had better find it out quickly... Or you're gonna be a miserable shell of your former self in short order. We'll be married 13 years this July 27th.
I hate to quote myself, but it saddens me to realize that the girl I have been adoring is now a thorn in my side. The girl I actually held and told that I would love forever is now a clinging b itch that makes me roll my eyes whenever she gripes about my inability to take out the trash on time. God, I clean up after myself and bring home the bacon...I just gave her a damn massage yesterday despite being so damn tired. I'm I feeling so sorry for her that I am confusing sympathy and my hesitance to hurt her as love?
congrats! that is an achievment! July 4th will be 16 splendid years I have been with my wife, and I just turned 30.
LardLad, it looks like you are doing EVERYTHING in this relationship. Im sure she has great qualities or you wouldnt be with her in the first place. But, in this process, you have just caved in too many times. You really need to talk to her about this or get couples therapy. You cannot continue down this path...every year that goes by is another year of your life wasted. Dont do that to yourself. Get this fixed ASAP or move on. You owe it to yourself.
Seriously, if she is unwilling to listen or change, end it. It's not worth another day of your life. I'm going on 6 years with my boyfriend (July 19th) and we spend most of our time together, but we have always been best friends first and foremost. He is in the room now either surfing CF too (<3 you), or playing Madden, while I'm playing Sims 3 in the living room.
malarky. stick it out. if you leave her, in 2 weeks you'll be pouring your heart out to this board, asking how to win her back. Probably in italics too.
well snap crackle pop whats his username? if my girl were on here, i dont think itd be nearly as interesting to me. this is mine.
Wow... Anyway, door is still locked. Sleeping on the sofa tonight. I will let those still interested in the disintegration of my relationship in on what happens tomorrow morning. Hmmm, wonder what's the best approach to letting her know I'm out of this and yet keeping my plasma from being destroyed.
CF is MINE! I introduced him to the site. It's Clutch City1993. He mostly lurks. Get the locks changed, then take her out to dinner to break the news. jk
Sounds like you need to sit down, talk with her, and let your feelings be known. Maybe she can get better and giving you some independence, and possibly find some independence of her own. If that doesn't work, you've got to ask yourself if you can see staying together with her forever with her continuing to act like she is. Personally, I think she is starting to have you by the balls and in another 5 years, your spirit will be totally broken. It depresses me when I see marriages where the husband is a broken-down lapdog to his wife, constantly being talked down to and scolded by her, and having her make all the decisions. Your life in 5 years (if things don't change and you don't get out): working hard all day to provide for you wife while she relaxes all day, getting home and having to massage her back while you watch crappy Lifetime movies with her for the rest of the night (while an important Rockets game is on TV, no less), and if you don't do all of this, your ass is sleeping on the couch for the 2nd time that week while your wife stretches out in the king size bed and makes you feel guilty the next day. Then to cap it off, you buy her flowers the next day and beg for her forgiveness because you hate to see her cry.
You let her run the relationship so long, that now that you want to do something that doesn't include her, she doesn't know how to take it. Just tell that you wanna get effed up and go play poker with the guys. I'm pretty sure she hangs out with the girls. Talk to her. If she can't get it through her head do something about it..Like leave. It's just that simple. Let her know that she is too controlling. If she starts crying oh well. Apparently you have been biting your tongue for too long.
Agree with what everyone above said. Talk to her in the same kind of language that you're using now (frank and to the point). Let her know she's on a sort of final probation period for the next 3 months (long enough so you can see how she reacts to upcoming holidays/birthdays/plans with your buddies/etc.) but plan to stretch it for 6 months. If she reverts to her former clingy-GF-with-issues mode after the first 3-month period, that's it. Incremental change. Like a poster earlier said, make Friday nights your nights. Then start to expand your days after that if the results are positive. If they're negative from the start since she refuses to yield her control over you, you know what to do.
Of course I can't judge the situation and only you truly know. Although I made some assumptions, I agree I may have overstepped them...but I guess I just find it strange that you're coming to a message board with your problems rather than straight to her. Does she know you're tired of this situation and almost ready to leave? If not...then you're not communicating like you should. However,
Here's the goal. That plus you should petition the league to return to the days of short-shorts; I hear the chicks loved those. Have you ever asked her to watch a game with you... or would she just drive you crazy? Do you let her know in advance that your plans or to watch a game or download music or whatever or does it come up when she is disappointed that she can't control you. I would think that there is hope here because she admits to the problem. There must be some ways to work it out if you want it.
LardLad, Trust me, do not listen to everyone saying that this is an individual thing. You had to think "it's my life" before you got married. Now that you are married, it is NOT just your life. You have to think "it's our life". Now, I don't know if you believe that marriage is a big deal. But the only way you should leave this marriage is you come to the conclusion that you're tried everything and you can't see "OUR life" ever being good. At the moment, it's looking like OUR life sucks. Does she need you? No. Does she need a marriage/relationship? Yes. Is she doing everything she can to get what she wants? Are you doing everything to get what you want and she wants? The moment you married her, you decided that you are merging you and her. You are responsible for that, as is she. I hope there are no children involved. Personally, I think she needs some counselling. But suggesting that won't help. You should suggest that the couple does some counselling and resolve these issues and allow the counsellor to come to the conclusion you have from a position of greater credibility. Then hopefully you will see some results. Good luck to you. In most cases, it's easy getting a divorce. It's not easy trying to create a relationship and it won't be that easy with the next person unless you want someone who doesn't give a damn if you come to bed or not.
