My father in law owes me 20 grand and wont return my calls

He's ignoring you because he doesn't have the money.

 

Oh, I totally agree. BUT, you're doing it because you WANT to, not because they are asking, right?

A parent's job is to raise their kids so that one day they can raise THEIR kids. Not so one day they can pay you back.

 

if my parents are ever in a bad way and they know i could help, i sure hope they would ask me for help. it's not a question of one's manhood.

 

Yes, but with any loan to family/friends always do it as a gift. If they pay you back, great, but don't expect it. It will ruin a relationship, otherwise, as is the case now.

 

I can only imagine how difficult it would be for my parents to have to ask me for help. Knowing that, I'd do whatever I could if I ever get that call. I don't conisder anything I do for my parents as "paying them back". I try to think of it as a selfless act of love.

 

Yep. Agree totally.

 

if you mean the first 18 years of life, aren't they obligated

 

Sure, but in the same vein, shouldn't we be "obligated" to help them in the end years of their lives?

 

absolutely.

 

I don't get the people who say to just treat loans to friends or family as a gift. If that person says they're gonna pay me back but decides to rip me off then I don't need friends like that. I'm not afraid of giving a family member the same treatment. I love my family but they aren't above common decency.

 

no, one is legal, the other is moral. if that's part of your value system that's fine, and i think most americans help out their parents when they can if their parents need it, and i think most parents will help out kids well beyond 18 years if they can.

but kids aren't obligated to take care of parents and shouldn't be.

 

That's why I put obligated in quotes. It's just ingrained in me that if family or friends need help, I'll do what I can to give it. Outside of our immediate household, our parents top the list.

 

Small price to pay to never have your father in law complain about you and be on your side in every possible occasion. He will also defend your character and you will be his favorite out of his guilt.

Thats worth 20k to me!

Instead of calling, threatening etc. I would simply state that you know times are tough and let him know it was part of your house downpayment but that you understand and know that he will pay you back when he can. You think he doesn't want to pay you back? You've got goodwill, don't give that up along with the 20k.

Better that then it gets turned and your wife and her sisters and their husbands and your mother-in-law think your a jerk by using a lawyer or sending letters etc.

 

I don't think "obligated" is the right word. Like you, if I did it, it would be a selfless act of love, not my duty.

I think we may be talking about different situations here. As my folks get older, OF COURSE I'm going to do everything possible to help take care of them. My sisters and I already have a plan in place for when that time comes.

But if my Father (or FIL) came to me asking for a loan for 20K because his business was failing, well...that's just not something I would feel obligated to do. Especially if it was going to put me and my family in a financial bind (which 20K would definitely do....).

All I was saying is that IMO a parent who would ask for something like that, knowing full well that it was going to put me and my family in a bind, isn't a parent at all.

 

If we can, but let's remember that I didn't bring them into this world, they brought me in. There is no debt owed to them for raising me when my existence is due to their sexy time.

 

First.

Tell your wife immediatly.

Second,

Get an attorney, and look at possibly placing a lean on his assets.

Third,

Before placing a lean..TELL HIM.....that you want to work it out.....without attorneys but if he doesn't answer calls you will have to use the law.

Fourth....discuss all of this with your WIFE before hand....

DD

 

Freudian slip?

 

this one. work out another deal though - "whenever he can" is too open ended. extending the term of the loan (with lower or no interest during the extension) sounds like the option that will maintain your goodwill and get your money back too.

 

Nah, I forgot it was Lien....or something..I am not an attorney..

But I pay a few...

LOL.

EP