My father in law owes me 20 grand and wont return my calls

Time to hit up Luckkky's poker room.
Hope you get it worked out, dude.

 

Corner him. Don't rely on him answering a phone. Go to his place of work, or wherever he is and force a face-to-face.

And... that money was yours and your wife's - not yours alone. You should NEVER make such a huge decision about a large sum of money that THE BOTH OF YOU have without talking to her.
 

 

Broken kneecaps my friend. On the downside, Thanksgiving dinner will be awkward.

 

You loan your house downpayment money out and fail to tell the wife. Bad idea.

You loaned it to your father in law who has fallen on hard times. Bad idea.

You have a family catastrophe on your hands...and with a baby on the way.

I do not envy you.

 

I'll second (third) Bat's advice. Talk to your wife. If it's going to get awkward with your FIL -- you want your wife hearing the story from you first and you want her onside for whatever you do. She should know you're doing business with her dad.

In the end it's 'just' $20K. Not worth blowing up a family over. Though I know it puts a major wrench in your home plans regarding financing. Sucks to be you right now. But keep it in perspective if you can. Hope it all works out.

 

People shut down when they feel guilty or embarrassed. They get the most mad when they are really mad at themselves.

You've just learned the hardest lesson in business (or family); never make or cosign on a loan you aren't prepared to pay in full yourself.

You won't be getting your money, adjust your own plans accordingly. And don't expect to have normal relations with your father-in-law. Even if you forgive him, his guilt will surface as tension; and probably (and counter-intuitively) at you, as a defense for his own ego.

Just write it all off as "hard times".

 

how did he know you had the money?

 

You can forget it. When loaning money to family, you can't expect to get it back without harming the relationships with every family member. You can only give money to family, if you don't need it.

Construction spending has been horrible, so I doubt he even has the money to pay you.


Live and learn. Tell your wife the truth, which should have happened from the beginning.

 

Probably when things were on good terms, mateo and wife discussed their future plans with the inlaws. FIL saw that as an opportunity to pounce...

I can feel your situation mateo. I recently was married (July 08), and even more recently got a house (Feb 09), and we are working on a kid. You probably did a brilliant thing in saving and getting what you 2 want on y'alls terms; so many people screwup because they are impulse buyers. We all want to help family, but the problem is that the FIL took advantage of you, failed at whatever venture he was doing and now may have screwed over his SIL and wife in the process and now won't call you back. Yeah, he may feel guilty for not having the money, but he is no man for trying to sweep this under the rug.

You have to get the wife involved and in hindsight, should have from the beginning. I'm not rubbing it in, but it's a lesson learned; put yourself in her shoes, if she were out lending money without telling you, you would be pissed I'm sure.

One thing you didn't clarify, did the FIL mention to not tell the women (his wife and your wife) or was that your idea? If he is the one that wanted the secrecy, then you are somewhat off the hook because you were doing your FIL a favor. He's going to look baaadddd on this one.

 

Nothing new to add:

* You should have involved your wife before lending out her money.

* If he lives nearby, you should go talk to him face-to-face.

* He probably cannot repay. But, he's family, so forgive it and adjust your plans.

 

Why on earth didn't you consult with your wife before loaning him the money? Especially when it's her father? I would be more worried about what the wife is going to do when she finds out you've kept this from her.

 

Your FIL could owe your wife or other members of her family money too. I agree, that was a bad move to loan him the money without consulting her. It's generally a bad idea to loan family money anyway.

 

For future reference, do not lend more money than you are willing to lose.. i would try not to lend money outside the immediate family as well if it is over 1,000.

 

I second this but since its too late to redo that you should tell your wife immediately.

The attitude about not wanting to get the women involved seems dated to me. You love and trust your wife enough to have a life and child together so doesn't she deserve to know what has happened to that $20,000? For that matter doesn't she deserve to know that her father has hit hard times and relied on you to bail him out?

Also I agree with BetterThanEver that construction is terrible right now and you might not see that money again. That is still no reason to have your father in law avoid you instead of talking to you and letting you know the situation and working out someway to rectify it.

 

Tell her that 3 months ago you met a lady at a party and against your better judgment you decided to keep in touch. You've been seeing this lady regularly without her knowledge and ended making out with her. Two weeks ago was the first time the two of you got really intimate. One thing lead to another and the next thing you know you're at her place making love. Then, yesterday you got a call from the mistress claiming she's pregnant with your baby.

As you watch your wife's eyes water and before she has an emotional breakdown slowly lower your head in a sullen gesture right before you scream, "Sike! I loaned your dad $20,000 but he won't return my calls."

Imagine the relief she'll feel when she realizes that you're not a cheater, but just irresponsible with your money.

 

"construction", huh?

 

I like this plan

 

Thats what i was about to say .....the tension on that thanksgiving table will be palpable....

 

Agreed. It is past time to let your wife know what's going on. Do so immediately, apologize profusely, and figure out where to go.

Hopefully, she'll be able to shelf her anger with you for the time being in order to stay level-headed enough to know that the first priority is you two figuring this out together. Then she might throw things at you. But you kinda deserve that.

 

Just buy $100,000 less house, or move to jersey or somehwere cheaper.

Problem solved.