Good to hear that you are hanging in there. As far as going back to church going because of the relationships you have sounds like about as good a reason for going as anything else. I hope though the people there will accept you for where you are at regarding trying to understand your faith. As I said earlier feel free to email me and also if you want to talk about Christianity Rhester really is a good guy to talk to. He's a good guy to talk to in general too.
If you peel back the layers, I doubt you'd find as much uniformity and conformity as you think you are seeing. Anything communal is about compromise. Just enjoy the stuff that moves you, bury the rest and don't give a second thought to what any of them think.
Kind of late here, but my two cents. Although I'm an atheist, I don't think giving up on religion is the way to go. Your situation reminds me of a Chinese proverb, that roughly translates "Stay still for a moment and the chaos will calm. Take a step back and you'll how wide the sea and how high the skies" When you feel there's no hope, you have to gather yourself because there is a way. You just have to gather yourself, step back, and find it.
I'm late to the thread too. I hope things are improving for you, Manny. I have to say though that when you look to faith or medication to address personal trials you are looking only for easy solutions to complex problems. I strongly suggest you begin therapy as soon as possible so you can begin the long process of learning to know and like yourself. Drugs, whether faith or Lexapro, won't do that for you. You have to do it for yourself. And it won't be easy and it won't be quick. Therapy though will help. I promise.
