My 4 year old was punched in the head by an autistic 13 year old - a discussion...

You did the right thing. Absolutely. Just the right amount of aggression which the situation demanded and passiveness.

Anything more during the heat of the moment and you would likely have regretted.

Having said that. I feel sorry for you and your son and for the autistic son and for his mum. I feel sorry for errbody.

 

Exactly, its very very rough on the parents. I see it frequently and what they deal with on a daily basis, how the kid has an immaturity that can't be helped and how just being understanding can go a long way. You have to remember this is a spectrum disorder to describe a constellation of symptoms. It can be mild to very bad---Developmental delay coupled with fits of anger and tantrums.

 

Exactly, and neither do I...but spend one day in a clinic or go volunteer somewhere and see how it changes your perspective on the matter.

 

Your reaction was what I'd expect from anyone. I know some here are saying to feel sorry for the family with the autistic kid and all but your in the heat of the moment and you just saw your son get punched really hard, I don't blame you at all for getting heated, no body in that situation is going to stay calm and try to be understanding right away.

 

This situation reminds me of Clutchfans. Tinman is the 13-year old and the OP is Clutchfans.

 

I don't think you should take offense to what he said, as your situation completely sucks. Theirs just sucks more even if they are making mistakes and completely at fault for putting their kid in that situation.

What happened to you absolutely sucks, and you have every right to be mad, and the restraint you showed is highly mature, and I am not sure I could have done as well in that situation. Luckily, you guys can move on after a terrible experience relatively unscathed. Everything you said about them needing to watch more closely, etc. is absolutely true.

That said, I can't imagine being in their situation. They sound like they might not be providing the level of care that their child needs. Unfortunately, some special needs kids aren't able to function within the boundaries of normal society, and this sounds like it could be one of them. They are responsible for putting him in those situations, and they know that. Not knowing much about them, it sounds like they could be irresponsibly taking him places he should not be if this has happened numerous times before. They might be fighting their own emotions for him to live a "semi-normal" life, while not accepting the fact that it may not be possible. What a terrible position to be in as a parent. I just cannot even imagine this.

I'll pray for that family to get things more in order so this doesn't happen again to someone else as well as for you guys and the experience you had. I hope this doesn't create fear in your child for such a terrible experience, as I can't imagine being 4 years old and having that happen.

 

Even 100 or so years ago they put these kids in institutions or in some countries killed them.

Just terrible stuff to deal with.

DD

 

The problem is that they are dealing with a child that does stuff all the time that they have to apologize for, and they are probably exhausted.

Be the bigger man and move on.....and count your lucky stars that you don't have to deal with Autism.

DD

 

Nobody is saying anything about your parenting, and if you took it in that way I apologize as it wasn't my intention.

Yes, you are correct, the response is outcome related. If we're going to play hypotheticals (aka worst case scenarios) then yes the situation could have been dealt with much differently by the parents of the other child. I also think locking a child up in the house because they are autistic is cruel and inhumane, which to suggest this to someone about their child isn't really the best route to take. I think that is more heat of the moment than anything, which is understandable, but clearly there is a better way of handling the exchange of words from both parties.

 

#winning

But to OP, you have every right to be protective, but your words to the mother were a little harsh. Like DarkHorse interpreted, you essentially said that the autistic kid is a threat to society and should be locked up. I guarantee you the mother is sincerely apologetic and embarrassed while the grandmother is slightly reciprocating your aggression with her words.

 

it happened, your kid is okay. It sucks, but just gotta move on. nothing can be done now

 

And the sympathy we feel for the 13 year-old's parents, is the same reason I don't complain about him to Clutch anymore.

 

But there is nothing you can do about it. It more than likely WILL happen to another kid.

Exactly what would you propose you personally could do to help the situation?

If nothing than move on.

DD

 

JayZ750,

You said,

"I'm getting the feel some of these responses are completely outcome driven. Meaning, he's ok, so all is good."

Your main point to me was to say their apology to how they managed the situation is of major concern to you. It really doesn't matter what the outcome is, the immediate apology is not really a tell of what the parents have done, are doing and will do at all.

And the mom crying to your wife is the definition of profusely apologizing, in my book. Maybe she was at first in fear of what your reaction might be that the words didn't come out to you. But only after you left was she able to fully apologize.

The immediate apology and display of regret is really just for you only, not the greater society and things that might come. And you aren't accepting of what you got, so are upset about it. That's OK and normal. This is often called "resentment." We resent situations and the ppl who were part of it. And it's healthy to talk about it, and for us to beware of our self-centered role in it.

 

Semi similar situation happened to me:

I was at Texas Children's Hospital a couple weeks ago in the waiting room with my wife and son. I was playing on my phone (Clutchfans actually) and an autistic boy around 10 years old came over and started hugging on me. I got startled and yelled out "Hey what's going on?!?"

The mother heard me and rushed over to grab her son, and apologizing. I look around and everyone around us was laughing, including my wife. I felt terrible. I told my wife to stop laughing, but I kept smirking myself and tried my best to keep from laughing

I looked at the mother and she looked so sad. Everyone was still giggling about what had happened.

I wanted to tell the mother something, like it's ok or something like that. But after that I couldn't even look at her.

After our appointment we even saw them on our way out, but I still couldn't look at them. I really don't know what I could've done, I keep thinking back about how should I have made the situation better

 

Sounds rough, OP! Very glad your kid appears to be doing ok.

As for how I would have / should have handled it... I have no idea. Honestly it might have just been my natural reaction to shove the kid away from my kid.

That might be worse than what you did. Depends on what the older kid looked like I suppose. Really hard to say how I would have reacted.