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My 15-year-old niece is coming to live with me...

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by Xerobull, Oct 26, 2020.

  1. droxford

    droxford Member

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    DRAMA! If you don't have daughters, you have no idea what overblown, ridiculous drama is. The quantity and quality of drama that you are about to encounter will blow your mind.

    You need to know that, most of the time, when she's upset about some kind of drama, she's not looking for you to help her find a solution. She's probably just looking for a response of "I'm sorry, sweetie." It takes a while to learn the difference between "I need your help" and "I need your shoulder".

    Get ready for sassy, smart-ass, disrespectful attitude. It starts at about 15 and goes for at least about 10 years.

    Plan out how you will deliver discipline. Will you take her vehicle away? Will you ground her?
    Consider some things: If you plan to take away her phone, you won't be able to contact her
    If you plan to take her car away, she's gonna constantly bug you for a ride to wherever
    The "I've got a gun" threat is just a threat and you know it.. and she knows it.

    Set up ground rules, and I recommend you get 'em in writing, because she'll pull the old "you never said that!" Or "that's not what you said!".
    Set expectations and ground rules on bedtime/sleeping-til-noon; dating; communications; chores & responsibilities; grades & schoolwork.

    Oh, and girls are surprisingly disgusting creatures. They're not nearly as clean and tidy as you would think.

    Are you gonna be paying for her cell phone? If so, I strongly recommend a written agreement:
    You expect her to keep her phone powered up at all times (so that she can receive your calls & texts)
    You expect her to reply to your texts or calls within 15 minutes (or whatever)
    you expect her to keep her phone in vibrate or ring mode, not salient (void the "I didn't hear my phone go off")
    I recommend you install Life 360 on her phone so that you can se her location at all times. Your agreement needs to indicate that she'll keep her location services turned on.

    But don't lock her down to hard, either. If you're too strict with her, she's gonna go crazy when she's out of the house (or sooner). She'll drink too much, do all kinds of drugs, sleep around, get tattoos, and drop out of school.
     
  2. Xerobull

    Xerobull Contributing Member

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    That's a given with a 2yo and 5yo. Wife wakes up at 4am to work out, I wake up at 530 to get the kids ready to go. 930 is late for us.

    Thanks, drox.

    A lot of what you said on drama and mixed messages goes for 99% of women. I learned how to 'listen' while dating and honed my craft with my wife.

    As for discipline and ground rules, we're going to pretty much apply what my son gets. No social media, time limits, all enforced with an app. Thanks on the tracking app. The whole 'you never said that' **** doesn't fly at my house. I am not fair.

    We haven't gotten to the whole 'respond by' part yet, but that's a great point.

    We're all smartasses in our house, but we're respectful.

    I hear you on the being to strict thing. I'm proof of that. I spent my early teen years grounded until I perfected how to embellish and 'study' at school to keep my parents out my biz. I was out of the house at 17 and was the first in, last out party guy for 20 more years.

    Not being naive though. I'm sure there will be some pain.
     
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  3. heypartner

    heypartner Contributing Member

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  4. RKREBORN

    RKREBORN Member

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    Mike Fiers faints...
     
  5. ROXTXIA

    ROXTXIA Contributing Member

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    Why an I reminded of Bernie Mac, Rest In Peace?

    "So now I got my cousin's three kids in my house." (indicates height of each as he speaks) "Six. Four. And two." (audience OOOOOOOOoooohhh.) "Ooooooh is right, America, you gotta come help me, I'm goin' crazy up in this m**********r."

    "The six year-old, he a f*****. No, come on, America. No six year-old walk around like this here." (sashays, minces) "And the four year-old, my cousin must have been doing drugs around her, all she do is sit and stare and don't say a word. I told her you better have a whistle or somethin' 'cause if there's a fire you're gonna be a burned-up m**********r.

    "And the two year-old, she's the ringleader, she works for the Devil!"
     
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  6. CCorn

    CCorn Member

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    when I played tennis competitively I was never in trouble. The moment I stopped I got arrested for streaking.

    At 15 there’s a few clubs around town that might hire her as an assistant to the pro if she’s decent. Free group lessons and some side cash.
     
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  7. Jontro

    Jontro Member

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    what kinda mess is she into?

    get her on cf and let the brehs here be her adopted uncles.
     
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  8. Pistol Pete

    Pistol Pete Contributing Member
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    This was my question. What kind of trouble are we talking about?
     
  9. Mango

    Mango Contributing Member

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    What high school is she going to be in?
     
  10. Juxtaposed Jolt

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    The bolded part was a reeeeeally weird thing to say.

    Also, why couldn't your sister keep your niece in check?
     
  11. droxford

    droxford Member

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    Ccorn brought up a really great point: if you keep her too busy with extra-curricular activities, she won't have time to get in trouble. It socks driving them around to all their performances, but it's better than letting them have too much time on their hands.
     
  12. ThatBoyNick

    ThatBoyNick Member

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    Isn’t this just the plot of fresh prince except with a girl?
     
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  13. bobloblaw

    bobloblaw Contributing Member

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    I think if your niece is hot you know it. You have to know how vigilant you will have to be in batting off suitors.
     
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  14. CometsWin

    CometsWin Breaker Breaker One Nine
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  15. Xerobull

    Xerobull Contributing Member

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    I made that joke yesterday. There are some similarities.

    ‘Extremely pretty’ work better for you? It’s more to convey part of my challenge.

    My sister is a drama queen and I don’t think she ever wanted kids. That’s not to say she isn’t a serviceable parent and she does love her daughter, she’s just immature and self-centered. We suggested it a few times over the last year and my niece actually asked my sister for the move this week to ‘start over’. I’m not going to turn down a cry for help and when people are triggered is a bad time to start pointing out deficiencies.

    I don't doubt she's good enough. She's the first freshman varsity player at her HS in 10 years, grew up in country clubs and her last name carries some weight since her family is a DFW tennis family, her grandfather and great-grandfather were both 'real' pros who played internationally including Wimbledon.

    I'm not sure if working at a club would do more harm than good. We tend to emphasize school over work at our house. We'll see if she is here this summer.
     
    #35 Xerobull, Oct 27, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2020
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  16. jiggyfly

    jiggyfly Member
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    I agree with everything drox said but I think you need to ease into it and not immediately drop the hammer, I think you should definitely go over ground rules and when you do involve the boys so she does not think you are singling her out.

    She is gonna test you but even then don't come down like a ton of bricks but be firm and consistent and every should be done with love and not anger,don't ever threaten and not back it up but also have ways to lessen the punishment like extra chores or good grades.

    I don't have girls but I am a teacher and that interacts with that age range all day, just let her know that she is seen and that can be a negative and a positive that's up to her. The biggest thing is consistency that age range will always try and cut a corner or outsmart you but once they know it's fruitless they will fall in line.

    Keep tabs on who she hangs out with because they will be the ones who have the most influence.

    Anyway good luck there is really no playbook for every kid you have to take them as they come.
     
  17. droxford

    droxford Member

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    Quoted for accuracy and emphasis.

    She is VERY much influenced by whatever friends she is hanging around.

    Our daughter was hanging around with a bad friend when she was 16 - 18 (in high school). We could tell that our girl was getting a lot of thoughts put into her head from someone else. (Kinda like.... she'd say something and we'd be like, "where the hell did THAT come from?!?" We soon discovered that she was echoing her friend).

    After getting out of high school, and now that she's 20 she has gradually shed a lot of those stupid perspectives, but it has taken years and she still hasn't completely shed them.
     
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  18. jiggyfly

    jiggyfly Member
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    Yeah he might want to be pre emptive if he has friends with girls that age who he thinks are good role models.

    Especially older girls.

    Also have her friends come to his house until he is comfortable with them.
     
  19. Asian Sensation

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    [​IMG]
     
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  20. jiggyfly

    jiggyfly Member
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    WOW!

    I just read through that thread and lets just say we have come a long way since 2014.

    It's interesting that most of the people giving props to that Paul guy don't seem to post much here anymore, but I did see some interesting names that seemed to be enamored with him.:eek:

    Would that thread still be cool today?

    Who the hell would think to do that and why would anybody be impressed?

    What was was up with all the people calling people bro.:eek:
     
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