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My 15-year-old niece is coming to live with me...

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by Xerobull, Oct 26, 2020.

  1. Xerobull

    Xerobull Contributing Member

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    My 15-year-old niece is getting into trouble, my sister can't keep her in check so she's sending her to me. My niece's father lives out of state and is too much of a ****up to be in her life much. My brother-in-law is sort of a pushover so it isn't helping. They want her in a stable place with strong role models that won't take any ****.

    I don't have any illusions about what we're getting into but I have all boys and don't have any experience raising girls. All I know is, every time I see a girl-centric toy commercial I thank my lucky stars I don't have any.

    We're going to lay down the law and stick with it. My wife is an absolute schoolmarm when it comes to sticking to the rules. The most important thing with raising kids is uniformity and stability. She's not a rocket chef but she is an amazing tennis talent, having come from a long line of tennis pros, and I plan on keeping her busy with that, school work and chores. It's not like she won't have free time but it's going to be pretty regimented. One thing I do want to keep at the forefront is a kind and loving atmosphere. It won't be prison. It's how we raise our kids now and they're all genuinely happy.

    She's a sweet girl and always minds us when she comes to stay for a few weeks every summer. She's also 5'10" and drop dead gorgeous. I've routinely had to give grown-ass men the look when we went out for anything.

    So...any advice? My hair turned white and fell out today. Every person I told about this who had daughters just laughed at me.

    And yes, probably some Au Pair karma here.
     
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  2. boomboom

    boomboom Contributing Member

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    I have two daughters, 18 and 10. They are both distinctly different...but similar. My wife and I struggle with the 18 year old because she's reaching that point in her life where she wants to spread her wings and fly a bit on her own...but it's obvious, she's not completely ready to go...so we're treading lightly. My 10 year old is a much sweeter kid but has a bit of a hang up with authority (not in a bad way...just in a meltdown-when-she-gets-in-hot-water way). Both of them have great relationships with us as we've always been open about everything...especially expectations and communication. I think one of the keys with them has been allowing them to be themselves and not try to conform them into what my wife and I think they should be. There are ways to get those points across without needing full control over their lives.

    My advice would be to expect more emotions than what you saw from your boys. Allow that emotion from her...sometimes girls need to get that out. Also listen when she wants you to listen. And most importantly (this one shouldn't be an issue...you sound like a great parent!)...just be there when she needs someone to be there. She's probably had a rough go at growing up...not having a father-figure in her life has probably been a struggle. Good luck with everything! Daughters can be amazingly awesome!!!
     
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  3. Xerobull

    Xerobull Contributing Member

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    Thanks, man. To level-set, my boys are 14 (about to be 15), 5 and 2. I started late. :)

    My oldest and my niece get along great, they're like siblings that don't fight. I don't think that will change but who knows.

    We only want the best for her but that doesn't mean spoiling her rotten.
     
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  4. TWS1986

    TWS1986 SPX '05
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    No wise parental advice here except good luck :). Really sounds like you're doing a good deed. Major kudos to helping a kid's life get back on track (hopefully!).
     
    #4 TWS1986, Oct 26, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2020
  5. KingCheetah

    KingCheetah Contributing Member

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  6. heypartner

    heypartner Contributing Member

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    discipline from role models

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
  7. FrontRunner

    FrontRunner Member

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    No advice, but that's a brave and really good thing to do.

    My wife and I have talked many times about taking in our niece, but we have never followed through. Kind of wish we did, but can't provide the right environment either. I won't get into specifics as I would hate for her to ever read this, but she's troubled and doesn't appear to be on a very good track, to put it mildly.

    When I was around and she was younger I used to be the disciplinarian, but I slowly began to realize that in addition to being bad parents, her mom and dad simply didn't give a **** about her. To make matters worse, her mom (my sister) resents her and verbally and emotionally abuses her. So I've adopted a "cool uncle" persona and simply try to listed to the girl and offer her support where I can (although I rarely see her anymore).

    In her case, I believe many of her issues are from a lack of parental love and a stable home life. So anyhow, I guess there's a message in there, but it sounds like you're way ahead of me. Good luck!
     
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  8. Space Ghost

    Space Ghost Contributing Member

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    Now that you have your au pair, all you need is that choppa.
     
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  9. Haymitch

    Haymitch Contributing Member

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    Here's my advice:

     
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  10. donkeypunch

    donkeypunch Contributing Member

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    My advice: Keep her as far away as possible from @spacecitykidd and mike fiers.
     
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  11. Yung-T

    Yung-T Member

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    Paulftsk got the bread loaf ready.
     
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  12. Pole

    Pole Houston Rockets--Tilman Fertitta's latest mess.

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    Gonna need a chastity belt right away.
     
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  13. donkeypunch

    donkeypunch Contributing Member

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    #13 donkeypunch, Oct 26, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2020
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  14. Rashmon

    Rashmon Contributing Member

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  15. Xerobull

    Xerobull Contributing Member

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    Well, that's an element that I worry about enough with my boys. It's probably my worst nightmare, and with Houston being a giant hub, I guess I'll get a rocking chair and start cleaning my guns every night, all night, on the front porch.

    [​IMG]
     
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  16. Xerobull

    Xerobull Contributing Member

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    Funny, because she calls me 'Uncle Bub'
     
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  17. Haymitch

    Haymitch Contributing Member

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    Shiiieet man I wasn't talking about her getting sucked into human trafficking! I just meant Good Luck! because I have no substantial advice to give.

    I have two girls but neither are school-aged yet. I have no clue what I would do if I were in charge of a 15 year old, other than be terrified.
     
    #17 Haymitch, Oct 26, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2020
  18. Deckard

    Deckard Blade Runner
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    Wow. Very well said, @Xerobull. We have one of each, now grown and on their own, thank god. They both turned out great with a huge part of that being what it sounds you guys already do. That you plan on doing with her. Being involved, showing you care, and possibly #1, being consistent. Good luck. That’s a great thing you’re doing.
     
    #18 Deckard, Oct 26, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2020
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  19. PhiSlammaJamma

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    sex before 9:30 pm makes sense for both of you.
     
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  20. Astrodome

    Astrodome Member

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    Send her to newk's tennis ranch for a year. Then she will go pro and buy you a yacht.
     
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