how do your parents compare to their peers? if they aren't keeping up with the Jones', so to speak, throw it back in their face. just say, "well Mom and Dad, if you were rich and had a big house like Tommy's parents, maybe i'd be better off too."
Tex, you gotta live your life the way YOU see fit, not the way your parents think you should. I know you already know this, but maybe you just need to hear it again. If you are happy with your life (and you're not doing anything to hurt anyone else), **** everyone else. Sounds overly simple, but it's true.
At some point you have to recognize that your parents are old. You simply won't agree with them on everything, and they'll go down some tangents that you'll find difficult to understand. They'll say things they probably shouldn't, they'll hold opinions you'll find odd, and they'll make judgements that are just bizarre. Love them anyway. I find it so much easier to dismiss my parents shortcomings to old age. Lets me enjoy their good points. And no regrets about what you might have done or not done 25 years ago. If you're relatively sane, in decent health, have good relationships and financial security to boot, you're doing OK. Who's to say if you'd taken a more lucrative path you wouldn't have died of a heart attack, got caught up in bad relationships or otherwise f'd up. Lots of messed up rich folk.
Regarding parents: What RMT is saying is that he feels that he's making the right choices for himself. What he doesn't like is that he lives his own life and makes decisions that he feels are right, and his parents give him flak for it. It's a crappy feeling to make the right decisions, but to suffer from it, instead of feeling good about it. It'd be nice if the parents would not be so wrapped in the material world and actually recognize the true value of his decisions, which are not monetarily based. Parents act like this for two reasons (and they're both good). a) It's important to them that you are not in danger and don't have to struggle. They love you and they don't want to see you come to the terror of a financial dead end. They want their son to not have to have those struggles. b) It's important to them that they feel that they've been good parents. Since you were born, they have obsessed with the concept of being a good father/mother. And being a good parent is a very difficult thing to do - you have to walk a very fine line. In their eyes, your success is their success. And they interpret your success not on how you meet your goals, but you meet the goals they have wanted for you since you were a baby. I don't know if this qualifies as a mid-life crisis, though. You really need to be in your late 30s or 40s, you need to get a divorce, lose your hair, buy a new sports car or motorcycle, and try to bar hop and pick up chicks. Sadly, I have three friends who are going through mid-life crises right now. It's tough on me, as their friend, to see the breakups.
Comparing people, even one's children, is ingrained into american culture. I'm not near as old as you are rmtex , but I have a lot of similar feelings. I don't like my job and while my parents are supportive, they do not understand how my job could be bad since I make a pretty good wage. For me, I'd gladly give up the coin for a little more enjoyment each day. I don't need to be phenomenally rich, just comfortable. Maybe, like me, you are at a certain level comparing yourself to others as well. I don't have advice for how to deal with that though - just sympathy.
Setting yourself up on the hamster wheel of a materialistic culture pretty much insures you will never find any peace of mind. If you have enough to eat, shelter from the weather, stay fairly entertained AND, are lucky enough to find love, CONGRATUATIONS! you my friend are a winner in the game of life. You get bonus points for fulfilled, respected, and making a positive difference in other people's lives but there are no actual points given for money alone, though admittedly it can make some of the other goals more easily attainable. And parents push you because it's their genetic imperative but the truth is they just want you to be happy. If you let them know you are happy they will be satisfied.
This discussion makes me appreciate my mom all the more. My dad died when I was three and she raised four children on her own. I can't even conceive of her ever actually comparing us to other kids in a negative sense. That just sounds bizarre to me.
I think I'm going through a mid-life crisis only it's just manifesting itself as a desire to get a sports car. I've always driven practical vehicles (trucks) and now that I'm 41 I think I want a two seat convertible. I'm okay with my financial situation and I still love my wife. I'm okay with my house as well. I do think, sometimes, about the people who have really followed their dreams and sometimes envy them, however, I'm going to guess that, for most of them, they had a single-minded obsession to be whatever their dream was. I really have no particular thing I want to be. I do my job well, but not great nor am I driven to do it better (except out of a sense of responsibility). My dream job would be lottery winner because I could choose not to have to do anything if I wanted. I know that being non-motivated is completely not the American way but it's my way and as long as my family, friends and dogs love me I'm pretty satisfied. Right now, if I died, the only thing I think I would regret is not having traveled more and I can keep working on that as long as I'm alive. My sister is like one of those Lonely Planet people. She's been everywhere and had all sorts of adventures but she's also willing to live out of a suitcase for months at a time and live as cheaply has humanly possible. I don't like doing that so my travel is going to have to be weeks at a time in more of a touristy fashion. That's okay with me.
Me too. Of course, both of my parents are re-married and the step kids are all **** ups, so that can only help make me and my sisters look good in comparison.
Man, I feel for you, Tex. I know what you mean. I'll be 34 this coming July and I wonder if I didn't make a huge mistake by getting married and that happened to me at the end of May 2006! From January to just last week, my wife and me had been getting along pretty well but this past week was tough. I felt that she never listens to me and that I was beating my head against a wall in talking to her. I was getting very close to just shutting down against her (which I had done last fall around October). To her credit, she hung in there and we were finally able to talk things through. My biggest problem is that I have never enjoyed confrontations, especially with those people that I love. My wife is very hypersensitive in taking criticism, so that makes it even harder when she does things that I don't really like. I mean I don't want to be a hardass about it, but at the same time, I can't be the proverbial 99 pound weakling who gets sand kicked in his face at the beach. Trying to find something in between to those 2 extremes has been very difficult for me. But I know that deep down in her heart, my wife would do anything for me. It's just that we are still working on how to talk to one another when we don't see eye to eye on something. And yea, I won't deny that since getting married, I feel weighed down with all the responsibilities and debts from time to time. But I told my mother Sunday morning, that I would rather endure 5 years of paying on debt and trying to get paid off than spending a lifetime alone, not knowing what it is like to be with someone that loves you and you love them. So, I am going to be okay there although I have another problem (which is going to lead to a thread in a short while). As for professionally, I haven't been happy for awhile but there isn't much I can do about it. I could try to find a job in Huntsville, AL as there are a lot more openings for the type of work I do. The bad thing is that it would be like an hour drive (2 hours for the round trip) 5 days a week. If I ever got a job in Huntsville, I don't see how we would survive without having to move down there eventually. And what sucks for me is that I have thought about getting into other fields or changing careers but I have 7 years at my present company. No way in hell am I going to find a job in another field that pays me what I am making now considering I have zero experience in that new field. So, in other words, I am locked in professionally. But I just try to do the best I can in looking at the positives. Just remember, that every situation on this earth has negatives to it. There is no such thing as a situation that has "all pros" to it. Good luck in finding the answer to get yourself out of this. Find it and write about it might enable you to a sizable payday which will probably make your parents happy.
Truer words have never been spoken... btw, I'm 35 and want a convertible...The hooker, well... Well, I reflect a lot, but I think its because I'm analytical and trying to stay one step ahead of the game...I drive to Houston a lot and have tons of time to think, which is a good thing, except when you're down in the dumps... To me, happiness is having friends and family that love you and of course, that special someone as well...With me being single, the latter is harder to find, but I enjoy the hunt...Where you run into trouble is trying to keep up with the Jones'...Remember, things aren't always what they seem...
