Oh and a question to you guys who're happily married - what happens if you've found the perfect girl - no drama, pretty, smart, funny, etc BUT you still haven't really 'sowed your oats'? I mean, I don't think i'll ever find a girl like that again and I can't imagine myself with anyone else but I never really went wild and had a bunch of random hookups either. And sometimes I do wonder what it'd be like to just go nuts for about a year and get it all out of my system. How would yall approach this situation? I couldn't cheat on this chick and we've been together for 5 yrs but I'm afraid I'll do something stupid when I hit age 40 or something like that. I'm 28 BTW.
We have had time a part before. It made us stronger than before and we were both like let's never do this again. When I was by myself I actually talked to a few other women but nothing physical ever came about. The thing I guess I am worried about the most is something that nobody knows for sure what will happen and that's the future. Lives change, habits change, and people change. It's the way of life I guess.
No such thing as a perfect girl.....Im sorry, but maybe you can find one online somewhere. Seriously, if youre thinking about that now, get it out of your system. But remember, that time away from her, its open game brother. She may want to test the waters while you do.
Guys typically have far more rationale when it comes to "perfect." Here's my test: When to everyone else, your significant other's "falsehoods/personality disorders/shyness/farting/etc." become nothing but idiosyncrasies to you, you've found the right person. Male or female.
1 If "sowing your oats", having a "bunch of random hookups" and going "nuts for about a year" are your main purposes in life, then marriage may not be for you. 2 There is no "perfect girl". You have completely unrealistic expectations.
Uncle Fatty, why aren't you out gathering late night bbs material? Ironically, I have a wedding tomorrow. Platonic friend invited me and I'm hitting on everything with a vagina. Then afterwards it's Glass Candy @ The Mink. I don't want to get married.
After 6 years? Man. That is a really difficult judgement. Even for myself. I'd stand behind what I said beforehand, but only because you can figure out how she's feeling. IMO, though, I'd say if y'all are still happy starting in your early 20's and are still going after that amount of time, there is something there. The question you have to ask yourself is: Is it due to habit or love? I've seen men (myself included) do ridiculous things to keep their habit. (ie. woman in your bed/kissing someone goodnight/ etc.) Please ask yourself (and the time for ALL men to ask this question is WHEN THEY ARE HAPPY IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP!!!) "Is this a girl I could spend the rest of my life with?" I know, myself, that I hate losing, and my subconscious has TOLD me that random girl was "the one" only because I was losing. It ain't right, but it is what it is. Figure out early on if it is a piece of ass, or something special. If it is determined it is a piece of ass, regardless of how nice that ass is, let it go. We are creatures of habit, and your mind will think there is love involved after a while. That said, I'm going to bang a cheerleader.
I'm 31 and not married. I have had many opportunities to be married. I have dated 5 girls who wanted to get married all while in my 20's. At any moment if I had been afraid to be alone, I would have married either of them. Fatty is right about that. You have to be strong in two areas. 1. You have to be strong enough to be alone and 2. You have to be ok without getting any p***y for awhile if it comes down to it. Most guys get married for 1 of those 2 reasons, and both of those reasons are weak. I simply just do not believe in it. I don't believe in Marriage. I am free. I can do whatever the hell I want to do whenever I want to do it. All of my money is in my name and in my personal bank account and savings. I take care of myself, I have nice toys (TVs, Xbox, Cars, Truck, 4-wheeler). Tonight I had a few drinks with co-workers, tomorrow morning I'm going hiking with some friends, have a massage scheduled after that, meeting some friends and a girl I'm dating at a sports bar to watch the Rockets/Suns game, then going out afterwards, sleeping in Sunday morning and watching football ALL DAY. And next weekend we are all getting together after thanksgiving and driving to Vegas for the weekend. I am free. This is the good life.
Of course marriage is worth it...but here is the rub...if you find the right person and are honest with yourself and each other. I always (meaning ever since I started dating in HS) assumed I would be late to marry because I am so picky and generally don't like the majority of people I meet well enough. As it happens I got married just before I turned 23. My wife is not perfect but I made the (now seemingly correct) decision that she was better for me than just about anyone else I could find. Tying in TrailerMonkey's question - I had not really had a period of wild sexual or dating exploration or anything but that wasn't important to me in the long run. Looking back I still don't really care. Sure it would be fun to spend some time in a vacuum free of guilt and consequences and engage in nonstop debauchery but such things would always be fun no matter what stage of life you find yourself. Surprisingly, marriage is not really hard, either. People say it is but I think that is due to decision making or honesty (with oneself and each other) from the beginning. There is always a chance but too many people don't really seem to understand what marriage is so they suffer. Of course I say this while I can also fully admit that my wife is psycho and at times can beat me into a mental stupor and leave me for dead but ultimately that is enjoyable because we can always laugh about it while it is going on. Biologically the male urge is often to shoot and move on but one he great benefits of being human are that we can create - music, art - and we can endure lifelong cohabitation and shared intimacy. In my opinion it opens up a new world of understanding about oneself and everything else...and that certainly seems worth it. That and kids are cool. Little pieces of you (good and bad) that bring surprises (good and bad) at every turn.
I've been married twice: first at 22 (for 13 years) and then again at 43 (just celebrated 11 years) so I think I know a little bit about marriage. When I figure it out, I'll come back and post...
I've been married 27 years and of the 10 people (guys and gals) I hung around with most in high school, 9 are also in their 20+ years of marriage and only 1 got divorced. Almost everyone of the (married) people we hang out with in Minnesota have been married 15+ years (off the top of my head, I can't think of any who have been divorced). We're in our 40s (although I won't be able to say that anymore in 2 weeks). Our 2nd grandchild will be born sometime today. Marriage is great (at least for me and the vast majority of my friends and family).
Married for 9 years. Been with the same woman for 11. Eventhough I had a child with my current wife, she's the only one whom I've said I wanted to marry, only 'cuz I know she wanted me for her as well before we got hitched. It's already been such a long time, and we're each other's best friend. Some people ask why I tell her so much stuff, that she could do without, but she knows EVERYTHING about me. Heck, she might even know I am posting this right now, she knows me so well. I could NEVER cheat on her, for I'd probably have it plastered all over my face and give it away. If you have the least bit of doubt that the woman you're seeing is not right for you, by GOLLY, do NOT get married. You'll end up like so many people here in D-Splitville country. Some will tell you that "they made a mistake", but there's no WISE MISTAKE, only tests and experiments. I have considered divorce before, but there's no reason why we as people who once made children together could not settle the reasons. I agree with everything MoBalls has said and he knows me. I gotta go wash the dishes now, dudes.
arguably, you never really know anyone, unless they are incredibly simple. one of the things I truly love about my wife is that she still surprises me. I can't always predict what she'll come up with next. I've been w' Mrs. B-Bob for 9 years, married for the last 2.5 We didn't know what to do with the institution and wanted to be all counterculture and cool, but then we were doing all this paperwork to take care of each other in worst case scenarios and found we were basically slowly building the legal equivalent to being married... so we went to city hall.
