Well I apologize for giving you and the board the wrong impression. I mean there isn't anyone (MadMax included) that has the "perfect" marriage - it just doesn't exist. My folks still pick at each other from time to time and they have been married close to 44 years. You have stated that you are happy with the lifestyle you are living and that is great - more power to you. The single lifestyle was a pretty good one to me too; however, I always had an emptiness in my life. To me - my life had no meaning and no purpose. Now, it does. I know and understand that many people may think I am crazy for saying that but that is what I believe. And even though my wife and me have had some things happen to us that make us live from paycheck to paycheck, I can't just dump her. Marriage doesn't work that way - when you are faced with adversity, you go through it together. There is no abandoning the ship, so to speak.
Manny. Props to you for sticking it out and working on it. Nothing in life is easy. Being married nor being single is easy, it all takes work.
Yea, it is called love. That is definitely something we can both agree on. Thanks man - I hope that when you are ready to find that special someone, that you will find her. In the meantime, keep enjoying the single life.
I have absolutely no clue why two people who live together and have dated for years would bother getting married. On the other hand, I also don't understand why they wouldn't get married. Very confusing issue for me. Personally, I HAVE to get married in order to be with the woman I love, have children, etc, etc... so it doesn't make sense to me any other way. But for a long time now, I've been trying to see it from the perspective of someone who doesn't HAVE to and I just can't see why marriage (paperwork, ceremony) is significant. I'd imagine that in these cases, whether it happens or doesn't happen is based completely on the meaning that an individual attaches to it. I guess what I'm saying is that for me (and ppl with similar views), marriage is a defined thing. Not the relationship, but just the actual concept of marriage. For everyone else, the concept of marriage is self-defined therefore we're not really all talking about the same thing anymore - naturally, a lot of people just started attributing the word marriage to various self-determined milestones in relationships to imply a significant turning point. That turning point exists for me too. It exists in different forms for all of us. The only difference is that some of us call the first turning point "marriage", and some of us (for example) call the last turning point "marriage". For each of us, the other person's assertion is invalid, but still significant. One thing we can all agree on is that two people need to grow towards each other before reaching the stable part of a relationship. We all have a reason for what we do. The only idiot is the one who believes that there's a single theory for the right/wrong time to get married. The truth is there are far too many variables that impact such a decision. lol Oddly, I've figured out a bit more about this just by typing all that. Thanks for listening to me think!!
Vinsanity: What line of work are you in? Sometimes I wish I lived in America my whole life so I could live in ignorance and settle for anything in my comfort zone, but I've seen greener pastures. Traveling at a young age, being desirable to all women, makes relationships very tough. For women, get them young. While the fantasies are still strong in their head. The older she gets, the longer she's been in other relationships, the more defeated she is by life (the smile is a facade, we know how lonely you are b****), the more baggage she'll come with. There's no other way to go than hot off the press, get your girl between 20-24 and subconsciously control her with life experience and virility.
There is a lot of truths to this. Guys in their late 20s, early 30s might feel invincible with all the girls falling all over them. That is the time when guys do not want to get married and girls do. Guys have a huge advantage there. But if you keep saying no, however, all the best girls will have left and gone on to marry someone else, even if the guy is her 2nd choice. Girls are not going to wait around for you, they have their biological clock. The longer you wait, the smaller the pool of women you have to choose from.
I've been skimming this thread since I last posted here and some interesting stuff from the single point of view. I felt like Vinsanity did a few years ago about wanting to stay single because I was having so much fun but as I get older I'm not sure that is really a good reason. Going out and living it up is great but really is that kind of freedom what you want your life to be about? Not saying that marriage is what life should be about but as you get older you might find your views changing and wanting more out of life than just the nightlife. Also getting married doesn't mean you give up all of your fun as you might find someone who enjoys the samethings as you do. Not all marriages are living in the burbs driving a volvo. At the sametime though I don't think just feeling lonely is a good reason to get married or that marriage is an end to itself. It seems to me like many look to marriage to define their lives For me I've looked to define my life in other ways through what I do than who I am with or who I have sired. I don't want to knock marriage or fatherhood but I feel it is important that I have an identity and a value system that is my own while often it seems like people look to marriage to give them that. As I said before I am ambivalent about marriage for me at the moment but I don't think just because you want to keep on having fun indefinatily is a good reason not to but I don't think feeling lonely is a reason to get married. Life is what you make of it and you have to be comfortable with who you are, even when you aren't having fun, to have a good life.
I was 27 (almost 28) and she had just turned 25. We've been together for over 5 years before getting married. One thing we never did was live together before getting married. Needless to say, moving in together was an eye opening experience. We've been married just over two years now, and it's been up and down due to our different situations, primarily due to the amount of student loans and credit card debt that I brought into the marriage. She's been a champ in helping us (i.e. me) right the ship. I'm hoping once the school loans are paid off (and she moves into her new career) we'll be able to enjoy our marriage even more. I think the following things can strain/stress any marriage: finances, family, friends of the opposite gender. If you can find common ground and peace/happiness on these issues, I think you'll be well on your way to a successful marriage! Good luck!
I don’t think getting married and having fun are mutually exclusive. I’m sure they can be in many cases, but with me personally, it’s been quite the opposite. Like the salary thing I mentioned earlier, I’ve found that getting married has literally doubled the amount of my friends, family, and hence FUN. I guess I’m pretty lucky in that my wife’s friends are a blast and getting to know all their husbands has been great. And her family, even more so. My in-laws are so much fun. I walk in the door to their house and have a beer put into my hand before I can even say hello. My wife tells me that her house was always the place where everyone wanted to hang out growing up and even all these years later, I can definitely see why. Of course, I’m only going by my personal experience. I know people who hate their wife’s friends and family. If that was the case with us, I probably wouldn’t have married her in the first place. These are all the kinds of things you have to evaluate very carefully before getting married. You have to take EVERYTHING into consideration, even the little things you may not think matter that much. Just being in love isn’t enough. You’re talking about the rest of your life here, so you gotta be picky!
This assumes the guy is going to decide to settle down later. Big assumption. Maybe he will love being single at 50 or 60 or 70 just as much as he does at 30. I keep reading over and over on this thread "you'll meet the right girl some day" like these guys choosing to be single just haven't met decent women or that they are not mature enough to settle down. I get the feeling some of the married people here think the single people are "behind the curve" or "late bloomers." That's inadvertently judgmental as hell. Some men (and women) don't have the urge, the hole in their soul, the longing or whatever you want to call it to settle down with one person and start a family. Guess what? They won't be lonely when they are in their 40s or 50s or 60s either because they will have forged a lifestyle that allows them to find happiness in something other than waking up to the same person every single day. FYI, guys in their 40s and 50s have absolutely no problem scoring women who are 10 or 20 or more years younger than them if they want to go that route. I'm settled in with someone who I care about and will probably marry (because marriage is a big deal to her and I don't care either way). I love her and my life is better since I met her but if we don't work out for some reason I am ok. I was single before and very, very happy and I can be single again and be very, very happy. I don't see what is strange or threatening to married people when they meet single people who are happy and secure in the lifestyle they choose. I think misery loves company and most married people can't stand to see someone else who "escaped" the trap they fell into.
See... This is another pretty much narrow minded view that I too used to have before I ventured out of the USA. Hell, actually, I had this view before I even ventured out of the state of Texas to be exact - because all you're thinking of when you think this way is....... American Girls. Let me tell you one thing, and when my time comes to settle down with someone I have a good idea what type of woman it will be. Holy crap man, when I went to Moscow and Ukraine. Kiev to be exact there are so many beautiful, single, available GOOD women over there. The ratio of single girls to guys there is close to 4 to 1. It's incredible. And these aren't the kind of dumb girls who sit around and watch MTV all day and listen to Britney Spears. They are very intelligent, most were educated, they dress nice, take good care of themselves and most all of them are serious about having a good relationship and a family. A lot of the men over there are alcoholics or just not marriage material. I dated one russian girl for awhile and we kept in touch and she was AMAZING. So, when my time comes, and even if I'm a little older, I know where to go to find me a good woman. The pool to chose from over there is outstanding.
^Not to mention the cultural history, height + icy cold venomous look of Russian girls is a major turn on. Vinsanity, I thought I asked you a question.
That was quick, though I have a friend who go married at 20, got divorced and less then 3 years after the first wedding, was married again.
It was, she changed after being married. She got more controlling and jealous of me spending time with other people, even her own cousins (family). We did everything together. And always thought I wanted to leave her for someone else, became super insecure. She was never like that while we were dating, about 3 years total.
That's why I said you shouldn't look to marriage to define you. It definately seems like somepeople need other people in order for them to have an identity. Such as being Mrs. so and so..
Exactly, its hard dealing with a person that does not have any self confidence unless they're attached to your hip. And funny that after all that she goes around club hoppin the first week we decide to split and has ever sense. I guess I should be glad that I changed her mind frame as far as how she feels about herself but..... Damn Bit** you can't even wait a month!!!!!
If you don't want to get married , ever, then there is nothing to discuss. It's back to the original issue I replied to. I never said it's impossible. I said things change. You become less desirable to women and the pool of desirable women also become smaller to you. If you are a terrific catch at 20s, 30s. You will probably be a good catch at 40s and 50s, good but not terrific, mind you.
