Yup, welcome to married life my friend. What you just stated is probably the biggest thing that I don't like about being married. When you are single, you seem to have a lot more financial security but getting married changes that and you find yourself in debt more than if you were single. And the travelling part is especially true. I finally took a trip out of the country by myself because I knew if I didn't, I would never get that opportunity again. It is the same thing with music concerts. I used to never go because I had no one to go with and then I finally just started going whether I had a date or not. I had gone to 4 concerts (2 of them by myself) in a 3 year period and since being married, I have gone to 2 concerts and one of those was a Miley Cyrus concert (I did it for my 9 year old not because I am Kam's brother ). I just don't have the time or the money to blow on doing stuff like that and what really sucks was that Leonard Cohen, all 75 years old of him, was in Nashville recently. Being 75, it is very doubtful that he will be back in the future so I missed a great opportunity to see one of my favorite artists . Oh well, I still wouldn't trade my kids to see him but it wasn't easy, let me tell you.
Sorry to interrupt. Both Europe and Asia are good places to live. If you want to have your peace, choose a quiet place. Not necessarily a metropolitan city in Asia. PS: The most important thing is one can be happy without being with a partner for a while. There are ways. Finding things to do alone. You have to be consequent. Being angry is not a bad thing but it is not good for your health later on.
I think it's more of a cultural thing. I believe people have a biological drive to "sample" members of the opposite sex before settling on a mate but I think the desire to live out that phase long after nature intended comes from peers/society.
So... Earlier you said that when you got married, the first year was the hardest year of your entire life. Now you are saying, when you get married, you no longer have any financial security and you end up in debt... and to top all that off, when you get married, you can no longer do the things you LOVE (we know you love music) like going to concerts. If this is true.... the why why why in the world would I ever want to do something like that? Sit back and think about what you are saying here....
Agree MoBalls. Every marriage seems to be different. Seems like MadMax's marriage expierince, for example, is 100% opposite of Manny's marriage expirement.
Dude, just do what you want. You'll know when the time is right. I have been married for over 20 years. Have kids and a beautiful wife. Yeah, times have been tough and it wasn’t all great, but WE made it through. I got married at a very young age. Do I recommend it? Naah, it's not for everyone, but it was right for me. We travel. We go to concerts. I spend quality time alone as well as her. We weren’t always able to do this because of the funds and kids of course. But I didn’t mope around, cry or b!tch about it. Live your life brother.
It may not apply to everyone, but I feel like marriage has enriched me in every way. The love, the security, the friendship, the boo-tay, the companionship, the support and the sense of fun and adventure. I have been privileged to be welcomed into her very cool family and circle of friends (and vice versa). I am glad we lived together for a few years before we got married so we could truly get to know one another before taking that last legal plunge.
Again, what he said: So yes, I get lonely. So does everyone at some point. But to be perfectly honest, I get lonely in relationships, too. Especially when the "newness" wears off and the wanderlust kicks back in. It took a long time (mid-20's, more or less) for me to realize what was happening to me re: the wanderlust, but once I figured it out, I'm a better (and more honest) person for it. I was dating a girl in my class. She's 22 (I'm almost 34 = win) and really sweet, but 1) she had a little girl and 2) she didn't want to leave Oklahoma. I knew I didn't want either of those things, so I was honest with her from the get-go: I don't want kids and I'm not staying here. We dated for about 6 months and had fun and that was it and we're still friends. I can't wait to graduate, but man....that's just going to be the beginning. Literally the beginning of a new life. I'll be in a profession that will, quite literally, allow me to go anywhere on the planet. I feel like I did when I got my first undergrad nearly 10 years ago. I wish I was younger, but I'm far from old, and there's no time like the present. And Vinsanity, I agree. Kindred spirits, I suppose. I'm going to London over Spring Break to see some friends and family. I haven't been to China; only Japan as far as Asia goes, but I was a kid then. I really want to get to mainland Asia, and I will.
True, it's different for everybody. For instance: When I was single - 1 income, 1 mortgage When I got married - 2 incomes, 1 mortgage, plus extra income from my old house which is now rented. Best investment I ever made (in more ways than one).
It was true that the first year was the hardest. Look vinsanity, Troy McClure, and who ever else you have been here, There were some things that have happened that I really didn't want to share because it is none of this damn board's business but let's just say that when you decide to have your wife pretty much stay home to raise your baby, you probably aren't going to have the financial flexibility that you would if you were single or had 2 steady incomes coming in, okay? And I love music a lot as it is my biggest hobby but why would a hobby be more important than my 2 kids? I mean I do wish I could go see some concerts but I know there will come a time when I can do that again - it is just not possible right now. Right now, it is more important to me that I help raise my 2 kids (especially considering one of them is still a baby). And for the record, Troy, my marriage isn't an "experiment".
This post right here is why I don't share much of my personal life anymore. Uninformed ignorance at its finest. See my post to vinsanity, Troy McClure, hundred of other user IDs for further clarification up above this post.
For the record Manny, I wasn't taking a stab at you I was just asking simple questions to the posts/experiences YOU posted about in a thread about your personal marriage. I'm sorry if my questions offended you. I should have know they would, well, simply because you are sensitive. I apologize.
This is one perk I have always wanted. Of course, I have yet to meet a woman who is as "frugal" as I am. In fact, even the older ones that are more mature still have absolutely no respect for money. My current gf and I are on the road to cohabitation and marriage but I still plan on keeping what I have saved now to myself. We have agreed that she sucks at managing money so I will be in charge of the bills. She will give me half and I will pay the other half. What she does with the rest of her money is her business and she knows I will not supplement her lifestyle with my income. Homie don't play (or let others play) with his savings.
Right between the eyes. I'm glad I got a bit wild over the last 12 months - realising new, much broader boundaries are possible will, and already has enriched the possibilities for my wife and I. If we hadn't of gotten married at 21, or hadn't had the recent split we had, then we'd still be mired and wallowing in our own miserable as faeces lives together...
Probably an advantage to marrying later in life or someone more equal in income. My wife was unemployed when we met with a POS car, tremendous debt, and a 6 week old baby. She's had a few jobs, but got bored of them all. Once she got pregnant again, there was no reason for her to work, since the daycare would cost more then her earning potential. Now she does an in home daycare.
