I think the main thing that people in the single lifestyle can't handle are the lonely nights that come along with it. You have to be strong enough to know when to have fun and then to know when to shut it down. The hardest nights are Sunday nights. You go all wild and out on Friday/Saturday. You are surrounded by friends, alcohol, and a social environment. Then in a flash its Sunday night, you're already feeling a bit down from your hangover and you have to prepare for the work week ahead. You have to be strong enough and prepared for these nights. Most people aren't. Sunday nights are when many newly single people call their ex GF/BF and end up working things out. Or they go out again to that Sunday Fundae type crap and then out again on Tuesday night, Thursday night, and then their job performance starts to suffer and then you have the typical case of someone who parties to much and it interferes with their career and they have a meltdown or become alcoholics. The secret here is to have the discipline to go all out and have a blast on the weekend, but also to know when to shut it down and be content with the solitary nights that may come along with that.
That's pretty standard for most people. And I think it dates back to dreading going to school on Monday mornings as children.
we were both 28 and a few wks ago had our 2 year anniversary. couldn't be happier!! we are both (esp me) so thankful we didn't get married in our early 20s. we met when we were 25, dated 1.5 years, engaged for 1.5 years and been married 2 now.
Reading this post and then hearing possible theories such as "she just got bored" or "she hasn't gotten over sowing her oats" enrages me. I am beginning to think that there should be an age limit on getting married just like there is on voting and drinking alcohol. Ideally, you should marry the person that you feel is your true love and it should be a decision that both of you are in favor of doing. To me, when you make the decision and commitment to marriage, that means you are also making the decision of having your own family. Whether or not, you want to add kids to that equation is up to you and your spouse and every situation is different; however, people have to realize that the "single" lifestyle is no longer valid. If you aren't willing to give up things like staying out late at night, hanging out with buddies all the time, and just not wanting to share your time and life with another person, then why would you want to be married? And I say this with experience - the first year I was married was easily the hardest year of my life as I found myself constantly thinking about the life I led as a single person. But I told myself that having my own family was the most important goal in my life and it still is. And although it hasn't been easy, I feel I am going down the right road in accomplishing that goal. Call me crazy but when you want to have your own family, you have to step up in responsibility and you have to become more of a self-less person. A lot of people don't want to do that which that is fine as that is their prerogative but it sickens me to see people get married, have kids, and want to stay out and act like they are "single". How about getting your ass back home and being there for your kids instead of acting like you are in freaking college. Sorry for the rant but this is something that hits home for me as I am witnessing several people I know personally acting in this manner and it has pissed me off to no end.
Why do you and Vince think you've got to have that kind of life if you get married? You can have freedom with somebody, you just need to find someone that wants the same thing.
I can see how people can feel “trapped” by marriage etc. but that hasn’t been my experience AT ALL. I can still do whatever I want whenever I want and so can my wife. Obviously, we can’t go out and pork anything that moves, but that’s never been my lifestyle anyway (at least not since college….). I play in a band every weekend, so that’s where I get my independent male-bonding time. She loves that I play in a band because it’s part of who I am and she encourages it even though 99% of our gigs are private gigs that she can’t come to. She has a happy hour with her girlfriends 3 or 4 times a month, so that's when she gets her female-bonding time. I love that she goes out with “the girls” because one of the many things I love about her is that she is so outgoing and social and I think it’s healthy for her to be with her friends. And if there’s a Rockets game on while she’s out….well, all the better! Stay out as long as you want, honey!! We both think it’s healthy to do things apart from each other and to have independent activities. It’s just a way to make sure we are both bringing our best selves to the marriage. I don’t know why anyone would judge someone else by whether they’re married or not. Everyone is different. To each his own.
I think the whole "individuality" thing cannot be stressed enough. Marriage shouldn't be a contract that obligates you to be tied down to a certain set of societal norms. I don't care how "in love" you are with your spouse, you've got to have some "me" time.
going to be 27 when i get married next year...he'll be almost 29... bring it on, marriage! i've befriended two married men...they are both unhappy in their marriages and i sometimes fear that my GUY will be telling that to other girl about our marriage 10 years from now. it's very difficult to NOT get in a rut when we have kids and etc. i told him that i wanted to keep our relationship fresh by being spontaneous. it's hard to do that because we're saving $$ for our wedding so maybe next year after we get married, we'll be able to travel more. another thing, he wants to have kids in a year or two. i'm not ready for that. i feel that kids will change the dynamic of our relationship up where we wont have time for each other.
To clarify my earlier post - whatever works is what you need to go with in regards to your marriage. My parents will have been married 44 years by the end of this year and they have pretty much done their own thing - my dad with his golf and my mom with her sewing, quilting, and craft stuff. My in-laws will have been married 39 years this November and they have done things together a lot more as a couple than my folks. Doesn't mean that their way is the best way nor does it mean that my parents' way is the best way either. What I would want is a combination of both and meet somewhere in the middle. I do enjoy doing things with my wife but do enjoy the me time. I just think when it gets to the point that is all one person wants is the me time and never wants to share ANY of their time with the spouse, it makes you wonder why they even bothered with getting married. And this is especially important, IMO, when you have kids. It is not fair, IMO, for one person to do all the raising of children; you should do it together as a team.
So all you really care about is having a family, so finding the right person isn't all that big of a deal to you as long as you have a family? right? I guess everyone is different. I think if you goal is to get married and have a family one day then that's a pretty flawed way of thinking. I think the goal should be to find the right person that you can't live without and then start a family with that person.
The first part of your post isn't correct but I can see why you thought that as I did a piss poor job of explaining. However, the 2nd part is what I was trying to convey. Look my wife and me were married almost 2 years before we decided to have our son (and our first child together although her daughter I consider to be my own daughter since I am raising her). I would have never agreed to have a child with her if I didn't think she was the right person for me. And believe me there were times I thought that I had made a mistake in marrying her, but I truly believe that you EXHAUST all options before giving up on the marriage. And I know that what I am typing is not a popular one, but I truly believe that marriage is something not to take lightly. You don't get married for a lark and then decide you want out so many months later. You made a commitment to yourself, your spouse, and God as well as your parents and your spouse's parents to make it work. It seems too many people want to get out at the first chance instead of hanging in there to make it work.
Eh, I wouldn't worry about it. Those guys wives probably cut them off. Just have a LOT of sex with him and you don't have to worry. Try to hit it (or in your case, get hit) at least every day. If you miss a day, make up for it on the weekend. Wear him out!! He should go to work tired every day, if you catch my drift. (This is actually what our pastor told my wife during our premarital counseling. True story.)
Dubai loves hiring American medical staff. I could spend a year in Africa providing medical care. More than anything else, I want to live in Europe. If none of those things work out for me, I can be a travel RN and go to NYC for 6 months, LA for 3 months, or middle-of-nowhere Montana for a few months if I want. None of those are too easy to do if you have to worry about someone else or at least plan around someone else. I can't imagine being more free than only answering to myself. Some folks want a partner to do all that with. I'm not dissing marriage at all. More power to them. Not for me, though.
Do you not get lonely? I couldn't stand it when I was completely single after finishing college. Then again I worked in an office with only my dad and step-mom after graduation, and rarely saw my friends who were mostly still in college. I'd say the only thing I miss about being single is my financial security. I had money to do whatever I wanted. Now after a ring, wedding, honeymoon, car of her, and buying a house, I live paycheck to paycheck. Whats funny is I never traveled when I could afford to because I didn't have anyone to share it with, and now that I do, I can't afford to do it.
Sure you get lonely some days, but being lonely at times is just a part of life. Just like any emotion. Whether it be being happy, sad, angry, blue, whatever. I think our society has taught us that being lonely is a bad thing, being sad is bad, being angry is bad, when these are just all human emotions that we all go through. Emotions are just different, just because one is different or doesn't feel as good as another doesn't make it bad. I've been my most productive and made my best decisions when I was angry. All these anti-depressants people are on nowdays only allow them to have one emotion, or to be emotionless. That isn't life IMO. But, yes, like I said earlier of course you have lonely days. But, I treasure them. I read books or catch up on TV shows, movies, surf the net, or just call old friends and catch up. My goal is to be free, travel the world, meet new interesting people, so having a lonely day mixed in here and there isn't going to deter me, make me crater and rush out to find a relationship/marriage.... it comes along with the long term goal here and I've accepted that when I made this my goal. Lynus, it sounds like you and I could be great friends. Too bad I no longer live in Texas. I also want to move to Europe and plan on doing so. Have you been to China yet? That place is amazing.... I could also see myself living there.
